Dear Doctor Phil,I would like to take this time to thank you for setting me straight on my “Life Path”; I am working on making some changes to myself, both physically and emotionally. I realize that you likely get more letters from women than men but thanks for taking time to answer me.
I was a little confused by your letter, but I now see that you weren’t trying to tell me, what to do but to set out guidelines for me to make the right choices on my own. I guess that’s why you called me Mrs. Bunkerbank. Thank you for your infinite wisdom, and for trusting me to make these realizations.
First of all I want you to know I took your advice and threw caution to the wind so I could address every single thing you pointed out. You, Dr. Phil, may have some strange remedies, but you can’t argue with the statistics.
The rather difficult decision that deals with what you called a fear of being responsible for another human was a difficult internal struggle, but as I grew inside I realized what you meant when you suggested I visit the possibility of bearing children. While that is physically impossible for me, I have not only adopted a cat but, I quit my job to care for a family of 6 Libyan refugees. There is a language barrier, but that’s what you likely meant by learning to “speak the same language as your life mates”. I’m not so slow am I Doctor Phil? Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Now when you spoke of getting some surgical enhancements to make me feel more whole as a woman, I guess you were referring to my problem with intimacy and my being out of touch with my feminine side. So I went ahead and had breast augmentation. I am now a B cup and have never felt more secure in my manhood. I guess it’s like you say, you can lead a donkey to water, but you can’t make him sing moon river while blowing bubbles in the star light. It seems so obvious to me now. Thank you Dr. Phil, you are a genius.
And now your final point, stepping outside my “comfort place”. Well my most comfortable place is my home, and yes that’s right, I sold it to a homeless person for a dance and I now live at the YMCA with my new family. The soup is great and the kids keep me busy all day, they chase me all over the lot trying to hug my neck. Those guys are strong, a few times I almost blacked out!
Anyways, Doctor Phil, I am on the road to being happy and I can’t wait to see what the end result will be. I await your next letter!
Awaiting anxiously,
Frank Grant
Reply:
Dear Mr. Grant,
Please accept our apologies your letter was accidentally mixed up with another of Doctor Phil’s “people’s” letters.
The letter you received was for a struggling housewife whose ailments cause one of her breasts to not develop as normal. You may remember the show called “I need a fabulous new body, before I can give birth”. During which we addressed numerous concerns of spouses and their life partners.
The letter you received was to address the issues raised by our guest Mrs. Bunkerbank.
Thank you for tuning in to Dr. Phil!
Producer
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