T'was the week before Christmas

The weekend of December 18th

Friday 4:00pm – leave my regular 8-4 job go to moonlighting Tow Truck job

4:20pm – go unlock lady’s car for her, has lit cigarette in car, afraid of burning down car. Unlock, collect cash, go home.

4:45pm – Tow from in town to Canadian tire. Customer angry to learn he will have to pay for tow. Jim laughs and takes cash (I am JIM).

5:15pm – Sit Down for chicken with loving wife. Call for tow comes in as I bite my first leg. Wife un-impressed with the timing of drunk driver.

5:45pm – Drunk wants to ride in truck with me. I decline his offer. Officer offers ride. Drunks says OK.

6:30pm – Arrive home for rest of leg, and maybe some thigh. Wife not think me funny. I get a smack.

7:00pm – Called to unlock car for mad mommy. Baby is still in car. Me thinks baby is safer in locked car. Reluctantly open car.

8:00pm – Teenie locked out of mom and dad’s car, I become hero and focus of attention at Wal-Mart, suddenly have few more to unlock. Collect cash and go home.

9:45 ish – Talk to pokey(pokey is my Brother)

10:00pm – Have been home for 10 minutes. Police call, Accident in town, Me and Ior (more on Ior later) called to scene, no one hurt, Pride muscle severely bruised when person ran into flower planter at pizza place when car swerves to miss traffic on one way street. Messy call takes longer than usual.

12:15AM – Start to question my choice of moonlighting profession. And realize I have neglected to call Boner (other brother) for birthday wish… I’m an asshole.

1:30am – Woken from less than deep slumber to police call. Stolen 1 ton goes on rampage and blows transmission after barrelling through Granny's fence and lawn ornaments, including inflatable frosty village. Thinking about Bogarting the items for the Griswold home (Jim's house). Items taken into evidence. One less home to compete with for décor prize.

3:30am – Arrive home from call. Wife questions choice of moonlighting career.

4:30 – Wasn’t asleep yet. Call arrives for locked car at 7-11 gas station. Unlock car and grab hot chocolate. Customer Buys. Bonus.

5:00 – Arrive Home and crawl into bed. Feeling a little pooped.

6:00 Call for tow from outside of city. Car broken down people are cold. I hurry into gear and head out.

7:00 Arrive to find two people-sickles. Stow them in warm truck while I hook up car. Young couple appears to be taking advantage of body heat to keep warm. Suddenly hear the twangy, tacky bass guitar and sexy saxophone as I imagine bad scene in Porno movie. Shake head and finish hooking up.

8:30 Unload cargo at Mommy and Daddy’s house. They have no idea that Junior and missy are "warm".

8:31 Call for tow from out of town.

8:32 Call for Boost in town.

8:33 Call for tow in town. Going to be a long day. Ior takes two in town calls, I hit the road.

Steady calls all day Saturday. The sleet and snow begins to fall at 5:00 pm. Definitely wondering about career choice. Ior has to work Sunday at regular job, Nice guy Jim won’t let him go without sleep. I will stay first on call tonight.

10:00pm Meet wife at her work to munch on Chinese food. Jim hasn’t stopped all day and is really hungry. Sit to eat, pager goes off. Police call car rolled over in ditch. Everyone ok. On way out of town, bad weather arrives. Roads are slick. Get to scene when pager notifies me that call cancelled, driver’s Dad owns competition towing company. I bow out.

10:45pm as I am leaving scene, Police call for ditched car. He is in deep. I spend 2 hours winching and manoeuvring this car out of fence on side of highway. Finally get car loaded when driver asks me to quote price for delivery of car. Customer disagrees with cost. I tell him car will be impounded at 20$ a day if he can’t pay. Customer is furious, begins violently calling big Jim names and threatening. Big Jim gets out of truck and stands next to mad guy and rolls up sleeves. We agree it’s ok to impound until next day.
Problem. Girlfriend is using passive resistance to protest price of tow. She has locked herself in car. Police left scene as I was finishing hook-up, Jim not happy.

2:30 am Mad Guy tries to get girlfriend out of car to no avail. Jim calls Police and informs mad guy that my time is worth 1$ per minute. I can wait all night.

3:30 am police eventually remove girl from car. 60$ per hour job ends. Tow car to impound. tow bill is creatively revised.

5:05 am get home to bed. Out like light.

6:00 am Pager goes off. Accident on 402 highway with Semi and ½ ton. Both are off highway in blizzard conditions 45 kilometers out of town. Boss is en route to get semi, I am on way to get truck.

6:05am get into truck, home is sunny and beautiful. Jim not understand how there is blizzard 45 km away.

6:20am Jim Understands. 10 km out of town it gets bad. No visibility. Roads covered. Semis passing at 80 km/h. Jims experience in wind tunnel snow drifted prairies comes into play.

7:15am arrive on scene. Long drive over… one way. Semi is across road and in ditch. My tow is slammed into the side of the trailer blocking highway. This person is not ok. Wait for removal before we start. Jim has to move truck so they can get to subject. Flashback (More later).

Subject removed, fun begins. 2 hours of shovelling digging and winching. We free the semi, but only after removing front axle. Oops. We decide the crash must have caused that.

9:30am on the way back to town. No visibility, but pager hasn’t gone off yet! Maybe people are smart and are staying home!

10:30am pager goes nuts, Ontarian drivers are piss poor in less than perfect or white salty conditions. Back to highway for accident involving 1 semi in trees in median. 1 semi in ditch beside him. 1 mustang under second semi. 3 minivans full of children (hockey day) in ditch trying to avoid accident. 4 cars piled up in middle of highway. I hate my job. So does Mom in Law who has been calling worried wife every 30 minutes for status reports. Dad in Law is white knuckled in front of the weather channel sweating. Yelling in the back “dere’s no need o’ bein out dere b’y!” Funnt thing is Father in law more worried about daughter who is snugly tucked away in house.

11:30am arrive on scene. Move cars to side of road. KABOOM. I hear a loud crash behind me. A semi slides by my ass as it goes into the ditch with a Toyota van on its grill. I only saw it because it was 2 feet away from me. Can’t see a thing. I load all passengers and drivers we can squeeze into my truck. That’s it, back to town.

I do a quick walk around to see if everyone is ok. Long line of stopped cars ask if I am going to turn back. I tell them to follow me.
30 assorted cars follow the pied piper to the police turn around to head west. Big Jim blocks west bound lane so my mice can get on road ok. My mice fininsh turning and wait on side of road for piper. I creep to front of pack with all floodlights on so they can see me.

12:30pm we head home. A long slow drive through zero visibility.

1:15pm we are 10 km from home. Weather is clearing, roads are better. I can’t believe the difference. The mice begin to venture past me. Horns blare waving hands protrude from vehicles, thumbs up are all around me, even a pile of blown kisses. I love my job.

I spend the rest of the day catching up on some stuff in town as the other guys get one more load. At 4:30 we wrap up the rescue. No people stranded on the road. The efforts will resume tomorrow. The boss tells me to take the rest of my shift off (Ior comes in to relieve me). And a big pat on the back for Jim.

5:30pm I am home. A shower, some Kraft Dinner and chicken fingers and a glass of Rye (a la Trailer Park Boys) puts me in a good place. I pass out at 7:00 PM and wake at 10:00 PM. Not quite rejuvenated, but better. I check in with the boss to see if any more can be done, he says “stay home, and get some sleep”. I watch TV on my cozy couch and Confirm to Mom in Law that I promise not to go out on the road again tonight.

11:30 off to bed, regular work in the morning. I still love my moonlighting job.