Last night I went out with some friends, and my wife (who is also my friend). Due to certain circumstances (Hahaha) I was the driver (not Hahaha) so I got to get a rare view of the party world through sober eyes.
Notes.
1- The waitress is not getting nicer to you. She is eyeballing your change on the table for when you leave.
2- Green beer coloring should only ever be used mixed with larger quantities of liquid, not used as an alcohol free shooter. Although a double dare is sufficient reason to chug it.
3- Bar food is better with a beer.
4- It's only acceptable to ogle the waitress when the wife is either too slow to catch you, or too drunk to care.
5- If a woman buys the table a round of shooters, there should be no outs. Only pansies refuse a free shot. Especially when Wife takes it upon herself to clean up the left overs.
6- Fear of Policemen is reduced exponentially per beer not drank, before taking the rest of the gang home.
7- Staying more sober than your wife is a depressing afterthought.
8- Trying to catch up after getting home is more depressing.
9- Getting up in the morning to the sound of snoring and choking dry mouth is not pleasant.
10- I am glad I can handle being called "Taxi Bitch", when sober.
***Additional note***Discussing a friend's (from now on known as "Wheels") diffusing of his "weapon" (you know the medical procedure) is just as funny and uncomfortable whether drunk or sober.
I dedicate this post to my buddy Wheels. It was the best choice, but I will always feel for you bro.! Now come to hockey tonight you wimp! Haw haw haw!
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