I AM happy

This was forwarded to me by a friend (I added some comments of course), and you know what? It's damn good to be me!

Why Men Are Just Happier People:

Your last name stays put. (That’s your choice)

The garage is all yours. (Want it? trade you for the living room... second only to the “throne room”)

Wedding plans take care of themselves. (yeah, like you want our help)

Chocolate is just another snack. (because we have a different substitute for sex)

You can be president. (the president shouldn’t be the president)

You can never be pregnant. (and you won't be at this rate! I'm sure I speak for all men)

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. (that’s your hang up, not mine)

You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. (go ahead! We won’t complain, honest)

Car mechanics tell you the truth. (yeah, at least that’s what WE tell you)

The world is your urinal. (the world is your talk show)

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. (we also never have to drive 2 hours to look through the same stores as there are at home)

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (right brain left brain)

Same work, more pay. (that’s not fair, especially if you knew how little we accomplish in a day)

Wrinkles add character. (so do dents scars and body hair)

Wedding dress -- $5000. Tux rental -- $100. (who are you trying to convince?)

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. (people never look at your crotch when you’re excited)

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. (women never fart, until they know they’ve got you)

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (no, but stubbing my toe on your froo froo end tables does)

One mood -- all the time. (this is not accurate there are three kinds of indifference)

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. (how long does it take to say “ hey man, beer after work?”)

You know stuff about tanks. (not as much as you think, unless you are referring to pisstanks, in which case I have access to unique resources)

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. (and only a backpack if I’m headed to the waterpark!)

You can open all your own jars. (It's easy, thumbs towards Nipples)

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (and pay forever if we forget one?)

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. (yeah, there’s a real shocker)

Your underwear is $8.95 for three-pack. (it’s sole pupose is to keep “it” from poking into people in public, and for catching the last few drops, and lest we forget, provides a barrier from the frosty/jagged zipper)

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (Runners, flip flops, and the ones you keep wanting me to wear)

You almost never have strap problems in public. (that is not accurate, it used to take me hours to get a bra undone under a woman's shirt)

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. (yes we do, one large crease that appears at the most inopportune times)

Everything on your face stays its original color. (yeah, nature made me that way, not L'Oreal)

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (and so shall it be until the end)

You only have to shave your face and neck. (you can always wax instead)

You can play with toys all your life. (yeah, if I’m allowed)

Your belly usually hides your big hips. (true)

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. (yeah, wish I could have 10 that never get used anyway)

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. (how bad are a set of legs that they need to be hidden away?)

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. (Only if it has a minimum attachment of a spork and a toothpick)

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. (trust me so do plenty of women)

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. (less time since I discovered shopper's drug mart is open til midnight)

You forgot the best one:
To us, menopause will be nothing more than an excuse to "get out" more often.