Here are ten ways for a teenager to screw their lives up but good, list built from experience and guesstimation.
10. Fist fight a fully grown Boar in heat. (Suweee! You may not have to worry about adulthood after all!)
9. Speak in the third person at all times. (“Jim would like a coke, but Jim don’t know maybe Jim would prefer egg nog… Can you give Jim a minute?”)
8. Resist arrest after getting caught stealing a road work sign. (Hmmmm)
7. Pee on a park bench while the nice Officer tries to enjoy his lunch on a sunny day. (“So here’s where all the (blanks) hang out!”)
6. Experiment with home made drugs. (“Dude it’s kinda like X but I just caked some comet cleaning powder with a spot of Drano, the old man’s Grey Goose and mom’s birth control pills.”)
5. Wear a Dora the Explorer t-shirt to Metallica mosh pit. (Pretty sure your map ain’t gonna get you outa this one)
4. Get a job outside of a truck stop for a guy with a feather in his hat. (No one wants to be called a lot lizard, not even a lot lizard)
3. Tattooing your sweethearts’ name on your forehead. (Need I Elaborate?)
2. Piercing your privates. (Sorry son, but those holes ain't going to fill in)
1. Visit Never Land and spend the weekend in Michaels room. (Thriller indeed)
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
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