Happy Gapper talks to Telemarketer

Entertaining me is what they get paid for, so don't judge me.

HG - Hello

TM- Hello sir, I'm calling on behalf of London Free Press to offer you a free subscription for 4 weeks that will be delivered to your door daily.

HG - Hmm? wha... sorry I dozed off there. Who am I speaking with?

TM- Yes sir, my name is Tamara and I'm calling on behalf of London Free Press to offer you....

Tamara is interrupted by the phone being dropped to the hard wood floor. Gapper listens as he picks up the handset, Tamara is puzzled but patient.

HG- hello?

TM- Helllo sir

HG- Sorry I just worked a 16 hour shift I'm a little beat, my girlfriend got mad at me for doing the same thing to her, so you're not alone.

TM- Hahaha, that's okay sir, I just wanted to tell you about out promotional offer...

Gapper lets out a yawn that would intimidate a grizzly.

HG- Wooo that's better, got the blood moving now, sorry Tamara, you got me a little dozy there, I just need to get something to drink so I don't croak at you.

TM- Sir, is there a better time to call you?

HG- well I'm up now we might as well hear what you have to say right?

TM- Yes sir, but if you are occupied I could....

HG (interrupting) Nonesense, just give me a quick second.

Gapper simulates the process of looking through cupboards, drawers slamming and cans rolling. Finally Gapper settles on a beer from the fridge (this is obvious due to all the clinking and so on).

HG- Okay I'm sat down and ready to go, what are you selling?

TM- Alright, I am calling on behalf of the London Free Press to offer you a free subscription for 4 weeks that will be delivered to your door daily. All we need is your full name and address and you should receive your first copy in the next week.

HG- Wow, that is a good deal!

TM- Yes sir, so can you please spell your street name for me?

Hg- Oh I'd love to but see the thing is I can't spell, I never learned.

TM- That's okay sir, if you can pronounce it for me slowly I can figure it out.

Now the part that concerns me is that she is trying to sell someone a News paper that can't read. I become a little caught off guard because I figured she would have caught on and hung up or backed off. Busted.

So I revert to the Seinfeld escape...

HG- Listen Tamara, I'd love to hear some more, but I'm a little pressed for time, I just realized I need to pick my kid up at the neighbor's can I get your number and call you back?

TM-Well sir this is a call center and we can't receive incoming calls.

HG-Oh, what about a home number?

TM- We have to keep our home numbers confidential.

HG-Because you don't want anyone to call you and bother you at home?

Click, Tamara hangs up and likely recounts the hundreds of times she has been duped by some bored ninny like me. In my weaker moments I almost feel sorry for them. Then I remember that they are paid to entertain me.