Something I submitted to a humor site looking for some odd science experiments. Thanks for the invite Mariann! I know (now) the new contests are located at the bottom of the page. I may be out of my league after having leafed through the archives.
Hypothesis: will coffee with sugar or full calorie red bull create the best work environment for me without the use of alcohol. Keeping in mind I don’t drink coffee or energy drinks.
Plan of attack: I will drink one Energy drink every half hour until I reach 6 drinks on Monday, Tuesday I will do the same but with Coffee and compare the two.
What went down:
7:59 AM – begin first energy Drink
8:10 – the drinks taste far less awful than I anticipated
8:18 – Finished first drink, feelin groovy.
8:30 – Begin second drink
8:33 – Begin feeling effects of first drink: alertness, ambition and abundance of energy
8:42 – Half way through second drink. No longer able to pronounce millititers… milililiters…mitillilers…
8:50 – Two down: Woooooo!
8:52 – let’s kick it up a notch, over the lips and past the gums, look out liver here it comes! Feeling light headed and very energetic. A game of Office dodge ball ensues.
9:05 – Next one cracked open, might as well get this over with!
9:10 – Je commence a parler en Français avec mes collègues. C'est bizarre parceque aucun de mes collègues parle français.
9:11 – I’m sweating profusely but haven’t moved from my cubicle since I took out my manager with a dodge (paper) ball. Heart is racing and I’m hot and cold at the same time. Paranoia is setting in.
9:12 – What was that, I swear a cockroach just crawled into my pant legs. I stop shy of pulling my pants off.
9:13 – Half of an energy drink left and I am tossing it. I am a shaking nervous mess.
9:15 – Outlook reminds me I have meeting with the Director of Maritime Services in 15 minutes.
10:30 – 1 gallon of water consumed during meeting, still sweating. Notepad is field of incoherent garbled tosh. Director asked me several times if I needed a break. “Millilitres…Nah I’m good”. A slight glare follows.
11:03 – I have eaten my lunches and am now eyeing the forbidden snack box.
11:45 – Feeling sleepy, I am considering having a pick me up. That half can is still there.
4:00 – Not sure I accomplished anything but I’ll go home and nap for a few hours to restore myself.
Conclusion:
The labels should be read before drinking these, apparently 2 is the maximum recommended daily dose. I opted out of the coffee experiment because I don’t believe any good can come of it. Did I get wings? Not so much wings as an S.C.U.D. missile firmly nestled in my nether region propelling me to the highest of highs, and then drop me (Anola Gay like) to the earth at a speed not yet recorded by man or machine. All that is left is 3 1/2 empty cans as proof that at one time a man existed here.
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1 comment:
Oh...I see your problem...you didn't videotape any of this like that 'Super Size Me' guy did. How do you plan to show it at the Cannes Film Festival now? Without the film you are pretty much doomed...and as such will likely be forced to act it out again, only this time...in mime. Good luck getting out of that invisible box after 3 1/2 cans of that.
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