Pokey's Perspective

You've seen the other "on the spot" interviews from Afghanistan, but The Happy Gapper asked these hard hitting questions for the rest of us who want to know alittle bit of the lesser knows issues when being a journalist abroad. Therefore The Happy Gapper is pleased to present this interview with Pokey the globetrotting Journalist/Superhero:

I call this segment Pokey's perspective, placing himself in precarious predicaments prompted by publishing (for the public) portraits and passages of the pursuits of people plotting to plunder our purity. And by purity I mean freedom.

So Pokey, I have a few Questions I would like you to answer... here's a towel...

Q: At what point did you realize (metaphorically) you were now in Afghanistan?
Well, it starts at the crack of dawn with the call to prayer and ends wiht the stench of the shit pond wafting into my tent every evening at about 8 p.m. But it really hit me when I was standing around like a schmo and a roadside bomb went off a few hundred feet away from me. I almost forgot to take the picture.

Q: What part of (or thing inside of) Afghanistan would you like to take with you back to Canada?
People here are ingenious. They make crap out of nothing. The other day, I was thinking if the world's electrical and oil and gas systems collapsed entirely we would be screwed but people here would just keep on going. Of course, that's not saying much given this is one of the poorest countries in the world. They're also very hospitable.

Q: Do you ever think (with racism and minority strife what it is in North America) maybe the locals are afraid of you?
No, but when I travel with baby-faced soldiers the locals sometimes think I'm the guy in charge because of my bushy beard.

Q: Did you ever consider hiding somewhere no one would find you?
Every night as I curled up in my sleeping bag on the sandy plateaus up north I imagined that's exactly what I was doing. And I slept like a baby!

Q: Are there half as many Sand castles there as I imagine there is?
Twice as many. Mostly they're made of mud tho, not sand.

Q: Is there an overpowering smell of Coppertone at the base?
No. Techincally, soldiers aren't supposed to be outside without a shirt on. But some people sneak the odd tanning session. Some of the people who work on the base for their entire tour have even built decks on their tents.

Q: What is the weirdest thing you have seen while covering any story outside of North America?
Pope-on-a-rope. Dog carrying human bone he determinedly dug out of a grave. Man-stripper-hermaphrodites entertaining local villagers, who incidentally believe female sexuality is EEEEvil. You pick.

Q: What is the absolute worst (recurring) task involved in travel abroad?
Always sit behind the guy who is 5-foot-2 but always -- ALWAYS -- feels the urgent need to put his seat all the way back for the entire flight. And packing. I dither when I pack and I always bring too much shit.

I would also like for pokey to recount for us, the most embarasing use of a foreign language he has ever experienced, maybe saying something very rude or embarassing, while thinking he is speaking clearly. C'mon poke, gotta give the people what they want!