It's been a while!
In the next 3 days I will be blessed with the addition of a new member of my family. My little boy/girl arrives no later than Thursday and I can't wait.
My blog has suffered some with all my recent projects, and I can't say I will ever get back to even a post per month what with feeding bathing cleaning etc... but I will definitely try and keep a little news of my happy little family here so even the disconnected family members can get a glimpse.
I set up a prediciton list with my family, and for the most part they say it's a boy. I think that is based more on my personality than anything, but time will tell.
Along with the news of a new little one, I also received a promotion into the job of my dreams. I won't get into details, but it is everything I ever loved to do, rolled into one fantastic occupation.
Life is good, so take the absence from (or any further voids in) my blog as good news because I am so busy enjoying my life right now that the enjoyment I get from writing is paling in comparison.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Here
Hey all,
I'm in Hay River enjoying the overcast, cool weather. 3 weeks until I get back and await my new baby. Looking forward!!
I'll post some pics in the near future, for now I settle in and work up some overtime.
I'm in Hay River enjoying the overcast, cool weather. 3 weeks until I get back and await my new baby. Looking forward!!
I'll post some pics in the near future, for now I settle in and work up some overtime.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
D is for Denouement
For the second time Ernie awoke, only this time he was blindfolded in a different position, sitting on the cold floor and once again unable to move.
As he squirmed a voice trembled: “He’s going to kill us you know…”
“Elmo, is that you?” Ernie asked.
“Yes it’s Elmo, I’m here with Gordon and Big Bird.”
“With Big Bird? Are you in on this Elmo?” Ernie continued to question.
“No, Big Bird tied here with me, Big Bird not guilty, it was…”
“Silence!” A loud raspy voice growled from somewhere around them. “Now Elmo, you wouldn’t want to ruin my surprise ending would you? All of you are here because you can’t mind your own business. Everything was set to end, I was finally going to be happy, but you all ruined it. Officers Ernie and Bert; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now you will all have to be removed from this situation.”
Bird capitalized on the current silence questionned softly: “Aloysius?”
A hush fell over the group on the floor which was now confirmed to be The Officers (Ernie and Bert), Elmo, Gordon and Big Bird.
"I knew I was going to be found. I just never knew that I was going to lose everything in the process." he said subdued.
As the others puzzled over the name, Bird continued:
“But why? Why Maria? What did she ever do to you?”
The group was lost as to the identity of their captor. They listened intently.
“She was going to take you from me, things were tough between her and Gordon and Maria was going to take you from me forever and I couldn’t let that happen.”
“But I wasn’t going to go anywhere; I was always your friend.” Said Bird
“That’s not what I wanted, I loved you, You ran to Maria when you needed someone, it was only a matter of time befopre I lost you for good! And you!" Making his way furiously towards Gordon. "You couldn't make her happy, you had the best of everything and you never took time to appreciate it!"
Gordon trembled blind and oblivious as to who was frightening him. Bird spoke up in the hopes of avoiding a tirade which he knew Aloysius was capable of.
“I was always good friends with Maria, she took care of me and I trusted her more than…” Bird stopped himself for fear that the next words would prompt another violent outburst.
“…more than anyone, Bird? That was the problem, you never saw me as that kind of friend or partner.”
Gordon managed to peek through his blindfold, finally he understood
“Snuffy!” He said.
“That’s right it was me, Aloysius Snuffleuppagus and now You've made my mind up for me, none of you can ever walk out of here!"
Snuffy began moving rapidly for his gun when Bird yelled:
Aloysius, you always were my best friend, that would never change, don't do this, there's another way!"
The tirade was postponed. The silence was deafening, teary eyed with an exasperated smirk Snuffy turned his head halfway to Big Bird.
“Best friend, huh?”
“Yes” Bird replied.
“Well it’s too late now.”
Another voice hollered from out of sight:
“Stop Snuffy, this has gotten way out of hand” Alice Snuffleuppagus had a shotgun pointed at Snuffy, her Brother. “Enough... I’ve been trying to help you for as long as I can and it stops now, no more killing.”
Snuffy astonished looked at his baby sister: “Alice? Sweetie, put the gun down.”
“I won’t… this ends now.”
Alice walked closer and now plainly visible to Gordon was the large beast walking upright in a feathery dress with the large 3 toed shoes.
“Alice, put the gun down.”
“I lured Maria into the street to Hooper’s store making her believe we were planning a costume party for Big Bird. I learned to walk upright for gosh sake! I stayed back after Big Bird sent you away to safety, I even killed two of Bruno’s guys while trying to get rid of Elmo since he was the only witness, I’ve been through too much big brother, but it suddenly makes sense! You thought that with Big Bird taking the fall he would turn to you for support, but it never donned on me that you were setting me up to take the fall after you rescued Big Bird. You were going to turn in all the evidence against me. This is over!”
At that moment the lone door flew open and 7 armed monsters entered the previously uninhabited church followed by their leader Bruno. I was apparent that Worm followed Elmo and Gordon and remained undetected.
“Well ain’t this just the most precious love fest you ever saw?” Bruno Chuckled.
Guns drawn at each other, the two groups stood frozen and tense, all but Bruno, who casually paced the floor while speaking.
"So Elmo caught yous up to something and you screwed it up so bad that now you’re gonna have all these bodies on your hands… amateurs... Now we have a new problem, I’ve got a potential snitch on my hands and you’ve got him over there with the rest of your mess. I want Elmo, you can take care of the rest.”
“No way!” said Snuffy alternating his shotgun aim between thugs. “Elmo dies with the rest.”
“I agree, but just let me handle him; I have some special interests in what Elmo knows about some ‘letters’ he was supposed to carry for me, once I get that, I'll be sure to take good care of him.”
“Like you did last time? You’re the reason this all got so messed up in the first place, if you would have finished him off this all would have never happened.” Snuffy yelped.
“Well ok then, it would appear we’re at an impasse… I ain’t leaving without the snitch and you’re not in any position to negotiate, so let me make this simple, give me the little furry sonofa…”
The rant was ended with one shot from Snuffy’s shotgun, which was followed by at least 13 more guns all firing. Mortar flying, benches splintering and bodies falling. It was a bloodbath.
Alice was hit numerous times but continued to fire at the goons in defence of her brother, Snuffy, wasn’t faring much better but with his size it wasn’t as if one shot would bring him down. The group of bound prisoners got as low to the ground as possible.
It seemed like an eternity and about 10,000 rounds ignited but finally the roar of gunfire simmered to a collective groan. Big Bird peered up only to catch a glance of Snuffy falling for the final time. Alice was critically wounded but managed to make her way over and free Officer Ernie, which was an obvious choice to assist since Bert had soiled himself and was passed out. Alice fell to the ground.
Ernie secured the area then proceeded to free the prisoners. Bird rose and rushed to Snuffy’s side.
“Sorry Bird…”
“You’re going to be okay Snuffy, just stay with me!”
Snuffy chuckles and takes a last breath. His large lashy eyes drift to a close and bird hangs his head in sorrow.
The scene is gruesome; all but Worm and Alice lay on the sanctuary floor, lifeless. In one fell swoop, the entire crime activity in Sesame Street disappeared.
Months later Alice was able to leave the hospital where she was kept under guard until she was well enough to go to Jail in the neighbouring town, Peanut Boulevard. She would live out the rest of her days in a cell made for one with little contact from the outside. I mean really, do you even remember her as a character on the show?
Elmo changed his evil ways and was celared of any wrongdoing. Soon after the investigation was closed, he re-opened Hopper’s and became a staple in the community.
Officers Ernie and Bert still maintain a heterosexual existence in their apartment, both awarded medals of bravery. Bert retired the day after the shootout, the police force let him keep the uniform he was wearing that day.
Big Bird was never the same, with Maria and Snuffy gone he had very little connection to the people of Sesame Street, and since Gordon hooked up with Linda (the deaf lady from the earlier show), he had very little time to spend with anyone. Big Bird left Sesame Street for a life more suited to a 8 foot tall yellow effeminate bird; San Francisco.
There is only joy now on these streets. Though Snuffy was remembered as a gentle giant it was agreed that love and loneliness can make you do things. If nothing else the people of Sesame Street made sure that nobody ever felt neglected or alone again.
As he squirmed a voice trembled: “He’s going to kill us you know…”
“Elmo, is that you?” Ernie asked.
“Yes it’s Elmo, I’m here with Gordon and Big Bird.”
“With Big Bird? Are you in on this Elmo?” Ernie continued to question.
“No, Big Bird tied here with me, Big Bird not guilty, it was…”
“Silence!” A loud raspy voice growled from somewhere around them. “Now Elmo, you wouldn’t want to ruin my surprise ending would you? All of you are here because you can’t mind your own business. Everything was set to end, I was finally going to be happy, but you all ruined it. Officers Ernie and Bert; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now you will all have to be removed from this situation.”
Bird capitalized on the current silence questionned softly: “Aloysius?”
A hush fell over the group on the floor which was now confirmed to be The Officers (Ernie and Bert), Elmo, Gordon and Big Bird.
"I knew I was going to be found. I just never knew that I was going to lose everything in the process." he said subdued.
As the others puzzled over the name, Bird continued:
“But why? Why Maria? What did she ever do to you?”
The group was lost as to the identity of their captor. They listened intently.
“She was going to take you from me, things were tough between her and Gordon and Maria was going to take you from me forever and I couldn’t let that happen.”
“But I wasn’t going to go anywhere; I was always your friend.” Said Bird
“That’s not what I wanted, I loved you, You ran to Maria when you needed someone, it was only a matter of time befopre I lost you for good! And you!" Making his way furiously towards Gordon. "You couldn't make her happy, you had the best of everything and you never took time to appreciate it!"
Gordon trembled blind and oblivious as to who was frightening him. Bird spoke up in the hopes of avoiding a tirade which he knew Aloysius was capable of.
“I was always good friends with Maria, she took care of me and I trusted her more than…” Bird stopped himself for fear that the next words would prompt another violent outburst.
“…more than anyone, Bird? That was the problem, you never saw me as that kind of friend or partner.”
Gordon managed to peek through his blindfold, finally he understood
“Snuffy!” He said.
“That’s right it was me, Aloysius Snuffleuppagus and now You've made my mind up for me, none of you can ever walk out of here!"
Snuffy began moving rapidly for his gun when Bird yelled:
Aloysius, you always were my best friend, that would never change, don't do this, there's another way!"
The tirade was postponed. The silence was deafening, teary eyed with an exasperated smirk Snuffy turned his head halfway to Big Bird.
“Best friend, huh?”
“Yes” Bird replied.
“Well it’s too late now.”
Another voice hollered from out of sight:
“Stop Snuffy, this has gotten way out of hand” Alice Snuffleuppagus had a shotgun pointed at Snuffy, her Brother. “Enough... I’ve been trying to help you for as long as I can and it stops now, no more killing.”
Snuffy astonished looked at his baby sister: “Alice? Sweetie, put the gun down.”
“I won’t… this ends now.”
Alice walked closer and now plainly visible to Gordon was the large beast walking upright in a feathery dress with the large 3 toed shoes.
“Alice, put the gun down.”
“I lured Maria into the street to Hooper’s store making her believe we were planning a costume party for Big Bird. I learned to walk upright for gosh sake! I stayed back after Big Bird sent you away to safety, I even killed two of Bruno’s guys while trying to get rid of Elmo since he was the only witness, I’ve been through too much big brother, but it suddenly makes sense! You thought that with Big Bird taking the fall he would turn to you for support, but it never donned on me that you were setting me up to take the fall after you rescued Big Bird. You were going to turn in all the evidence against me. This is over!”
At that moment the lone door flew open and 7 armed monsters entered the previously uninhabited church followed by their leader Bruno. I was apparent that Worm followed Elmo and Gordon and remained undetected.
“Well ain’t this just the most precious love fest you ever saw?” Bruno Chuckled.
Guns drawn at each other, the two groups stood frozen and tense, all but Bruno, who casually paced the floor while speaking.
"So Elmo caught yous up to something and you screwed it up so bad that now you’re gonna have all these bodies on your hands… amateurs... Now we have a new problem, I’ve got a potential snitch on my hands and you’ve got him over there with the rest of your mess. I want Elmo, you can take care of the rest.”
“No way!” said Snuffy alternating his shotgun aim between thugs. “Elmo dies with the rest.”
“I agree, but just let me handle him; I have some special interests in what Elmo knows about some ‘letters’ he was supposed to carry for me, once I get that, I'll be sure to take good care of him.”
“Like you did last time? You’re the reason this all got so messed up in the first place, if you would have finished him off this all would have never happened.” Snuffy yelped.
“Well ok then, it would appear we’re at an impasse… I ain’t leaving without the snitch and you’re not in any position to negotiate, so let me make this simple, give me the little furry sonofa…”
The rant was ended with one shot from Snuffy’s shotgun, which was followed by at least 13 more guns all firing. Mortar flying, benches splintering and bodies falling. It was a bloodbath.
Alice was hit numerous times but continued to fire at the goons in defence of her brother, Snuffy, wasn’t faring much better but with his size it wasn’t as if one shot would bring him down. The group of bound prisoners got as low to the ground as possible.
It seemed like an eternity and about 10,000 rounds ignited but finally the roar of gunfire simmered to a collective groan. Big Bird peered up only to catch a glance of Snuffy falling for the final time. Alice was critically wounded but managed to make her way over and free Officer Ernie, which was an obvious choice to assist since Bert had soiled himself and was passed out. Alice fell to the ground.
Ernie secured the area then proceeded to free the prisoners. Bird rose and rushed to Snuffy’s side.
“Sorry Bird…”
“You’re going to be okay Snuffy, just stay with me!”
Snuffy chuckles and takes a last breath. His large lashy eyes drift to a close and bird hangs his head in sorrow.
The scene is gruesome; all but Worm and Alice lay on the sanctuary floor, lifeless. In one fell swoop, the entire crime activity in Sesame Street disappeared.
Months later Alice was able to leave the hospital where she was kept under guard until she was well enough to go to Jail in the neighbouring town, Peanut Boulevard. She would live out the rest of her days in a cell made for one with little contact from the outside. I mean really, do you even remember her as a character on the show?
Elmo changed his evil ways and was celared of any wrongdoing. Soon after the investigation was closed, he re-opened Hopper’s and became a staple in the community.
Officers Ernie and Bert still maintain a heterosexual existence in their apartment, both awarded medals of bravery. Bert retired the day after the shootout, the police force let him keep the uniform he was wearing that day.
Big Bird was never the same, with Maria and Snuffy gone he had very little connection to the people of Sesame Street, and since Gordon hooked up with Linda (the deaf lady from the earlier show), he had very little time to spend with anyone. Big Bird left Sesame Street for a life more suited to a 8 foot tall yellow effeminate bird; San Francisco.
There is only joy now on these streets. Though Snuffy was remembered as a gentle giant it was agreed that love and loneliness can make you do things. If nothing else the people of Sesame Street made sure that nobody ever felt neglected or alone again.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
G is for Guess who done it!!!!
Ernie awoke to the tightness of nylon ropes binding him back-on to his partner.
“Bert! Hey, Bert!”
There was no answer; Ernie took a moment to put his situation into perspective. As his focus improved a pain inside his head caused him to wince and close his eyes. He had been hit…hard.
Judging by his surroundings he was in some sort of abandoned building secluded, damp and near rushing water. But his lack of focus limited what he could see.
He repeated:
“Bert!”
“Ugh… what… what’s going on Ernie?” Bert laboured.
“Shhh, I think we’ve been captured Bert, I… I don’t remember anything.”
A voice from behind a wall near the far end of the building said:
“Nothing? I find that hard to believe.”
The voice was familiar but not recognizable; with their vision blurred they could only see the figure approach slowly.
“There have been a lot of people looking for me, not knowing it was me they were looking for.”
The figure grew larger and slightly more distinguishable
Ernie saw the feathers and exclaimed “Big Bird?”
Ernie was struck again and Bert fainted, they were at the mercy of their captor.
“Bert! Hey, Bert!”
There was no answer; Ernie took a moment to put his situation into perspective. As his focus improved a pain inside his head caused him to wince and close his eyes. He had been hit…hard.
Judging by his surroundings he was in some sort of abandoned building secluded, damp and near rushing water. But his lack of focus limited what he could see.
He repeated:
“Bert!”
“Ugh… what… what’s going on Ernie?” Bert laboured.
“Shhh, I think we’ve been captured Bert, I… I don’t remember anything.”
A voice from behind a wall near the far end of the building said:
“Nothing? I find that hard to believe.”
The voice was familiar but not recognizable; with their vision blurred they could only see the figure approach slowly.
“There have been a lot of people looking for me, not knowing it was me they were looking for.”
The figure grew larger and slightly more distinguishable
Ernie saw the feathers and exclaimed “Big Bird?”
Ernie was struck again and Bert fainted, they were at the mercy of their captor.
Monday, August 13, 2007
C is for Climax
Back at Bruno’s camp there was tension. Telly and Worm were turning up nothing but dead ends. Bruno’s frustration grew as the local police now had expert sniffer dog, Barkley patrolling the area. Bruno had all but ceased operation to avoid any unwanted attention with the heightened police alert in Sesame Street. His new plan was to locate Big Bird to end the constant alert in his area. Elmo would be dealt with in time, but the last thing they needed was more attention and business had to resume to keep up his high living standards.
Ernie and Bert caught up to the Circus Caravan carrying Snuffy a few miles from where their search had begun; Sesame Street. Just as they arrived at the car that housed the elephant-like creature they were stopped by The Amazing Mumford (who had now become the leader of the traveling circus or “Ringmaster”).
Ernie and Bert explained their business and after several minutes of negotiating, they were allowed to speak to him. They approached the car but inside the mobile pen was some hay and a lot of open air; the beast had escaped.
They pursued Snuffy through the woods hoping to catch a glimpse of what direction Snuffy had gone. Bert being the slowest of the pair fell off pace quickly. Ernie carried on alone, finally the massive monster came into view ahead, trudging away obviously frightened for his life. Ernie pleaded with him telling him not to worry, he only wanted to talk.
With a sudden and unexpected crunch, Ernie was on his back looking up through the trees as they faded to black. Ernie was out cold.
Bert continued on slowly in the direction he assumed Ernie had gone, after a few miles of hiking he was sure he would never catch up there was silence all around him, only the pounding of his heart in his ears, so he decided to return to the caravan to ask more questions and get some backup.
As Bert turned around a shadowy figure struck him with a rock. Bert fell to the ground with only the foul stench of moss and rotten leaves. As the light faded, Bert soiled himself.
Ernie and Bert caught up to the Circus Caravan carrying Snuffy a few miles from where their search had begun; Sesame Street. Just as they arrived at the car that housed the elephant-like creature they were stopped by The Amazing Mumford (who had now become the leader of the traveling circus or “Ringmaster”).
Ernie and Bert explained their business and after several minutes of negotiating, they were allowed to speak to him. They approached the car but inside the mobile pen was some hay and a lot of open air; the beast had escaped.
They pursued Snuffy through the woods hoping to catch a glimpse of what direction Snuffy had gone. Bert being the slowest of the pair fell off pace quickly. Ernie carried on alone, finally the massive monster came into view ahead, trudging away obviously frightened for his life. Ernie pleaded with him telling him not to worry, he only wanted to talk.
With a sudden and unexpected crunch, Ernie was on his back looking up through the trees as they faded to black. Ernie was out cold.
Bert continued on slowly in the direction he assumed Ernie had gone, after a few miles of hiking he was sure he would never catch up there was silence all around him, only the pounding of his heart in his ears, so he decided to return to the caravan to ask more questions and get some backup.
As Bert turned around a shadowy figure struck him with a rock. Bert fell to the ground with only the foul stench of moss and rotten leaves. As the light faded, Bert soiled himself.
Friday, August 10, 2007
R is for Riveting
It was well after dark and the break in the silence startled Big Bird momentarily; it was Gordon with Elmo right on his heels.
“I’m glad you found the place.” Said Gordon
“You were right, it would take a miracle for anyone to stumble on this. It’s perfect. How are you Elmo?” Bird said hunching over towards Elmo.
“Elmo okay, very tired though.”
“Tell Bird what you told me on the way here.” Gordon interrupted.
“Elmo hear through the grapevine that Bruno want Elmo dead, he even hired new guys to finish the job!”
“What does Bruno want with you Elmo?” Asked Bird.
“Elmo knows about Bruno’s whole operation and police scare Bruno. Elmo have bigger problems than Bruno, Elmo saw things when Maria was killed.”
“What did you see?”
“Well I was making delivery near river bank and Elmo see Big Scary thing pulling rope out of water, Elmo hid in tree and watched big thing get bag from case and run up hill. Elmo follows and sees him change into new shoes and sweater that look like Bird’s. Then he walks funny to Gordon’s apartment.”
“Oh my… Elmo, can you tell me who it was?”
“Well Elmo wasn’t sure until Maria come walking down street with him; it was a Big Bird suit! Maria kept on laughing like it was at a joke, but other person wasn’t laughing, So Elmo hides in alley behind Hooper’s store. There was a fight then some shooting, Elmo kind of yelp and that when another big scary thing say: ‘hey you!’ I walked slowly backward and the thing start to walk at Elmo, I hid my gun under dumpster as I turned corner, I ran and ran. That’s when Officer Ernie stops Elmo and arrest for carrying ‘Letter E’, so I go to prison, but very happy to be safe.”
“Did you see who either person was?”
“Well, Big Bird, the person in Big Bird suit was… I... I'm not sure how to tell you…”
“I’m glad you found the place.” Said Gordon
“You were right, it would take a miracle for anyone to stumble on this. It’s perfect. How are you Elmo?” Bird said hunching over towards Elmo.
“Elmo okay, very tired though.”
“Tell Bird what you told me on the way here.” Gordon interrupted.
“Elmo hear through the grapevine that Bruno want Elmo dead, he even hired new guys to finish the job!”
“What does Bruno want with you Elmo?” Asked Bird.
“Elmo knows about Bruno’s whole operation and police scare Bruno. Elmo have bigger problems than Bruno, Elmo saw things when Maria was killed.”
“What did you see?”
“Well I was making delivery near river bank and Elmo see Big Scary thing pulling rope out of water, Elmo hid in tree and watched big thing get bag from case and run up hill. Elmo follows and sees him change into new shoes and sweater that look like Bird’s. Then he walks funny to Gordon’s apartment.”
“Oh my… Elmo, can you tell me who it was?”
“Well Elmo wasn’t sure until Maria come walking down street with him; it was a Big Bird suit! Maria kept on laughing like it was at a joke, but other person wasn’t laughing, So Elmo hides in alley behind Hooper’s store. There was a fight then some shooting, Elmo kind of yelp and that when another big scary thing say: ‘hey you!’ I walked slowly backward and the thing start to walk at Elmo, I hid my gun under dumpster as I turned corner, I ran and ran. That’s when Officer Ernie stops Elmo and arrest for carrying ‘Letter E’, so I go to prison, but very happy to be safe.”
“Did you see who either person was?”
“Well, Big Bird, the person in Big Bird suit was… I... I'm not sure how to tell you…”
Thursday, August 09, 2007
A is for answers
It was well after dark and the break in the silence startled Big Bird momentarily, It was Gordon with Elmo right on his heels.
“I’m glad you found the place.” Said Gordon
“You were right, it would take a miracle for anyone to stumble on this, it’s perfect. How are you Elmo?” Bird said hunching over towards Elmo.
“Elmo okay, very tired though.”
“Tell Bird what you told me on the way here.”
“Elmo hear through the grapevine that Bruno want Elmo dead, he even hire new guys to finish job!”
“What does Bruno want with you Elmo?” Said Bird.
“Elmo knows about Bruno’s whole operation and police scare Bruno. Elmo have bigger problem than Bruno, Elmo saw things when Maria was killed.”
“What did you see?”
“Well I was making delivery near river bank and Elmo see Big Scary thing pulling rope out of water, Elmo hid in tree and watched big thing get bag from case and run up hill. Elmo follow and see him change into new shoes and sweater that look like bird’s. Then he walk funny to Gordon’s apartment.”
“Oh my… Elmo, can you tell me who it was?”
“Well Elmo wasn’t sure until Maria come walking down street with him, it was a Big Bird suit! Maria keeped on laughing like it was at a joke, but other person wasn’t laughing, So Elmo hide in alley behind Hooper’s store. There was a fight then some shooting, was stunned, Elmo kind of yelp and that when another big scary thing say: ‘hey you!’, I walked slow backward and the thing start to walk at Elmo, I hid my gum under dumpster as I turned corner, I ran and ran. That’s when Officer Ernie stop Elmo and arrest for carrying ‘Letter E’, so me go to prison, but very happy to be safe.”
“Did you see who either person was?”
“Well, big bird, one person in Big Bird suit was… not sure how to tell you…"
The answers were broken by a rustling in the trees outside.
“I’m glad you found the place.” Said Gordon
“You were right, it would take a miracle for anyone to stumble on this, it’s perfect. How are you Elmo?” Bird said hunching over towards Elmo.
“Elmo okay, very tired though.”
“Tell Bird what you told me on the way here.”
“Elmo hear through the grapevine that Bruno want Elmo dead, he even hire new guys to finish job!”
“What does Bruno want with you Elmo?” Said Bird.
“Elmo knows about Bruno’s whole operation and police scare Bruno. Elmo have bigger problem than Bruno, Elmo saw things when Maria was killed.”
“What did you see?”
“Well I was making delivery near river bank and Elmo see Big Scary thing pulling rope out of water, Elmo hid in tree and watched big thing get bag from case and run up hill. Elmo follow and see him change into new shoes and sweater that look like bird’s. Then he walk funny to Gordon’s apartment.”
“Oh my… Elmo, can you tell me who it was?”
“Well Elmo wasn’t sure until Maria come walking down street with him, it was a Big Bird suit! Maria keeped on laughing like it was at a joke, but other person wasn’t laughing, So Elmo hide in alley behind Hooper’s store. There was a fight then some shooting, was stunned, Elmo kind of yelp and that when another big scary thing say: ‘hey you!’, I walked slow backward and the thing start to walk at Elmo, I hid my gum under dumpster as I turned corner, I ran and ran. That’s when Officer Ernie stop Elmo and arrest for carrying ‘Letter E’, so me go to prison, but very happy to be safe.”
“Did you see who either person was?”
“Well, big bird, one person in Big Bird suit was… not sure how to tell you…"
The answers were broken by a rustling in the trees outside.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
P is for plot
The yellow chalk in the shape of a heart on the sidewalk near Gordon’s building was all the indication he needed to know Birdwas summoning him. He made his way to the river’s edge a mile down river from where Bird was, to try and avoid any suspicious followers.
When he found Bird he was obviously tired and shaken.
“What’s wrong Bird?”
“I… I found something.”
“What is it?”
Bird raised a wing in the direction of the stashed body he had discovered.
“Th... There”
Gordon made his way down the path and could see the pile of brush concealing the bag, he knew what to expect but nothing prepared him for the way a decomposing puppet looks when it’s been soaking in river water for a day.
“Oh my dear lord!” he whispered.
The seams on Bif’s worn and already tattered face had weakened with the increased moisture. The stuffing was protruding and it was clear from the yellowness of it that despite the murder, Bif likely wouldn’t have survived his Cigarette addiction much longer anyway. Gordon used a stick to move the contents around a bit and discovered the feathers and three toed shoes as Bird had the night before. He also spotted two gunshot wounds to the neck (the only way to truly kill a puppet). It was evident to Gordon that the killer was a very accurate shot, and knew how to decisively take life.
“Bird, where did you find this?”
“It was hooked on a branch just downriver, who could have done this?”
“Well I spoke to Elmo last night, Bird. He’s on the run and he told me that a few nights ago, he escaped Bif and Sal after they picked him up on bail. He shot blindly into the dark alley behind Hooper’s with the gun he had planted himself the night of Maria’s murder, he ran away and never looked back, Bird. From the wounds in Bif’s neck I would say that there’s no chance Elmo could have killed him without having been point blank, and even with that, there were two of them and you know they were armed and quite capable of takin gon poor Elmo.”
“But why would Elmo have planted a gun near Hooper’s the night Maria was murdered?” Those words still didn’t seem real to Big Bird.
“I think he saw something that night and was so scared that he turned himself in for police protection knowing full well that Bruno would post his bail and have his goons do away with him, he also knew that their dirty deeds were always done in the alley behind Hooper’s near the River. Elmo thought he killed those two, but couldn’t explain why bodies hadn’t been found, he definitely couldn’t have moved the two of them himself. When Bif and Sal opened that door to get Elmo out of the car, Elmo bolted and ran for his life while bullets were flying; he snagged his gun and opened fire until the shots stopped. There’s no way he could have killed them, there was a fourth person in that alley and I think Bif and Sal may have saved Elmo’s life!”
“So that means Elmo is in danger. Gordon, we have to help him!”
“I know Bird, but how do I find him? Maybe I’ll ask Telly and Worm, they were looking for him last night to catch up on old times…" Gordon paused in silence and his mouth grew wider " wait… something struck me as odd with that conversation, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Telly wouldn’t look me in the eye and Worm was looking every which way but at me. I think Elmo has a lot of bad people looking for him even old friends are out to get him.”
“We’ve got to do something before he gets hurt!” Bird pleaded.
“First of all we need to get you out of here and to someplace safer, if murderers with Bruno’s outfit know of this place, then you aren’t safe at all.”
Gordon explained to Big Bird that he knew a place he used to hide when he was a kid. It was the last place anyone would look for him and Bird could finally get some rest without worrying.
He gave him directions about 5 miles upriver to an abandoned church in the thickest part of the woods. There was only one access to it and without having Gordon's intimate knowledge of it nobody could ever find it. Gordon assured Bird that he would find him there later than night after dark. For right now he had to find Elmo.
When he found Bird he was obviously tired and shaken.
“What’s wrong Bird?”
“I… I found something.”
“What is it?”
Bird raised a wing in the direction of the stashed body he had discovered.
“Th... There”
Gordon made his way down the path and could see the pile of brush concealing the bag, he knew what to expect but nothing prepared him for the way a decomposing puppet looks when it’s been soaking in river water for a day.
“Oh my dear lord!” he whispered.
The seams on Bif’s worn and already tattered face had weakened with the increased moisture. The stuffing was protruding and it was clear from the yellowness of it that despite the murder, Bif likely wouldn’t have survived his Cigarette addiction much longer anyway. Gordon used a stick to move the contents around a bit and discovered the feathers and three toed shoes as Bird had the night before. He also spotted two gunshot wounds to the neck (the only way to truly kill a puppet). It was evident to Gordon that the killer was a very accurate shot, and knew how to decisively take life.
“Bird, where did you find this?”
“It was hooked on a branch just downriver, who could have done this?”
“Well I spoke to Elmo last night, Bird. He’s on the run and he told me that a few nights ago, he escaped Bif and Sal after they picked him up on bail. He shot blindly into the dark alley behind Hooper’s with the gun he had planted himself the night of Maria’s murder, he ran away and never looked back, Bird. From the wounds in Bif’s neck I would say that there’s no chance Elmo could have killed him without having been point blank, and even with that, there were two of them and you know they were armed and quite capable of takin gon poor Elmo.”
“But why would Elmo have planted a gun near Hooper’s the night Maria was murdered?” Those words still didn’t seem real to Big Bird.
“I think he saw something that night and was so scared that he turned himself in for police protection knowing full well that Bruno would post his bail and have his goons do away with him, he also knew that their dirty deeds were always done in the alley behind Hooper’s near the River. Elmo thought he killed those two, but couldn’t explain why bodies hadn’t been found, he definitely couldn’t have moved the two of them himself. When Bif and Sal opened that door to get Elmo out of the car, Elmo bolted and ran for his life while bullets were flying; he snagged his gun and opened fire until the shots stopped. There’s no way he could have killed them, there was a fourth person in that alley and I think Bif and Sal may have saved Elmo’s life!”
“So that means Elmo is in danger. Gordon, we have to help him!”
“I know Bird, but how do I find him? Maybe I’ll ask Telly and Worm, they were looking for him last night to catch up on old times…" Gordon paused in silence and his mouth grew wider " wait… something struck me as odd with that conversation, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but Telly wouldn’t look me in the eye and Worm was looking every which way but at me. I think Elmo has a lot of bad people looking for him even old friends are out to get him.”
“We’ve got to do something before he gets hurt!” Bird pleaded.
“First of all we need to get you out of here and to someplace safer, if murderers with Bruno’s outfit know of this place, then you aren’t safe at all.”
Gordon explained to Big Bird that he knew a place he used to hide when he was a kid. It was the last place anyone would look for him and Bird could finally get some rest without worrying.
He gave him directions about 5 miles upriver to an abandoned church in the thickest part of the woods. There was only one access to it and without having Gordon's intimate knowledge of it nobody could ever find it. Gordon assured Bird that he would find him there later than night after dark. For right now he had to find Elmo.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
D is for discovery
Ernie and Bert were deep into their search when they came upon a circus convoy, there, in one of the cages was Snuffleuppagus. He had been paired with the freak attractions group and seemed quite content to be accepted by the group. Since there was no way to safely detour the convoy, Officers Ernie and Bert followed along in the hopes that the next stop would provide them some answers.
Bird gazed at the river’s edge puzzling over what had just transpired the night before, who was the mysterious figure and what had been deposited into the river, was there a connection?
Bird decided it was time to start doing some detective work and see if there was any possible way to prove his innocence. He walked the shoreline looking for footprints and trying to clearly remember the night of the murder.
“How did you do that?”, the last words Bird ever heard from Maria, maybe even the last words she ever spoke?
About 100 metres ahead (approximately 328 feet), bird spotted something snagged near the riverside. He cautiously made his way over to investigate all the while staying out of sight. He approached the bag and to his horror spotted a limb protruding from the bag and securely caught up in a fallen tree.
It was clear that the bags that were sent down the river the night before contained two new bodies. The bodies of well known tough guys from Bruno’s operation.
Bird plugged his nose and tried to look away as he peeled back the plastic. Inside with the corpse was a collection of yellow feathers, a pair or crudely modified shoes that resembled big bird’s feet and two pistols with some ammunition.
Was it a coincidence that this bag had been snagged in the vicinity? Was it a mistake? Was somebody trying to frame someone else? Had the murderer been one of these two? Bird’s head was spinning. He dragged the corpse complete with the items up from the banks and hit it beneath a pile of brush. He needed to talk to Gordon.
Bird gazed at the river’s edge puzzling over what had just transpired the night before, who was the mysterious figure and what had been deposited into the river, was there a connection?
Bird decided it was time to start doing some detective work and see if there was any possible way to prove his innocence. He walked the shoreline looking for footprints and trying to clearly remember the night of the murder.
“How did you do that?”, the last words Bird ever heard from Maria, maybe even the last words she ever spoke?
About 100 metres ahead (approximately 328 feet), bird spotted something snagged near the riverside. He cautiously made his way over to investigate all the while staying out of sight. He approached the bag and to his horror spotted a limb protruding from the bag and securely caught up in a fallen tree.
It was clear that the bags that were sent down the river the night before contained two new bodies. The bodies of well known tough guys from Bruno’s operation.
Bird plugged his nose and tried to look away as he peeled back the plastic. Inside with the corpse was a collection of yellow feathers, a pair or crudely modified shoes that resembled big bird’s feet and two pistols with some ammunition.
Was it a coincidence that this bag had been snagged in the vicinity? Was it a mistake? Was somebody trying to frame someone else? Had the murderer been one of these two? Bird’s head was spinning. He dragged the corpse complete with the items up from the banks and hit it beneath a pile of brush. He needed to talk to Gordon.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
S is for strategize
Gordon didn’t sleep at all, he ran through his mind the facts as he knew them and tried to piece it together. The evidence was gathered and it all pointed at Big Bird.
Feathers,
Footprints,
No alibi for the time of the murder.
It all looked hopeless. Outside of the window there was a rummaging in the trash. Gordon peeked through the window and spotted Elmo, whom he hadn’t seen in months. Elmo scarfed down some discarded food remnants, Gordon, always the neighbour whispered to Elmo:
“Hey Elmo, come on up, I’ll fix you a sandwich!”
Elmo, startled at first relaxed and smiled at Gordon,: “I’d like that”.
Gordon helped Elmo through the window and sat Elmo down, it was obvious by Elmo’s appearance that he had been away for a bit.
Elmo recounted to Gordon the chain of events since his arrest. Gordon was perplexed by what Elmo knew, though he would not elaborate much. Gordon knew that deep down Elmo’s criminal tendencies were fuelled more by a desire to secure financial well-being than blood lust. Gordon reasoned with himself that the fact that Sal and Bif were dead was a small tragedy, since they basically were 75% of the crime in Sesame Street and their absence might cause things to cool off a bit.
Just before Elmo was caught two days ago something happened that he felt he needed protection. The gun used in Bif and Sal’s demise was planted with the foresight of what would happen. Elmo saw something the night of Maria’s murder and would not elaborate until he was sure he was going to be safe, so he turned himself in to police that night.
Elmo forgot his troubles for a while and expressed his desire to lead a normal life, Gordon agreed that his current path would only lead to prison or the grave. He suggested that Elmo do the right thing and talk to the Police about everything. Elmo snapped back to reality and grinned pensively: “yeah, maybe I should.”
Elmo left through the same window he had came and disappeared. He promised to keep in touch with Gordon and that he knew enough about what was going on to make him a target of more people than just Bruno. He asked that Gordon keep a ear open and that they would speak again soon.
Feathers,
Footprints,
No alibi for the time of the murder.
It all looked hopeless. Outside of the window there was a rummaging in the trash. Gordon peeked through the window and spotted Elmo, whom he hadn’t seen in months. Elmo scarfed down some discarded food remnants, Gordon, always the neighbour whispered to Elmo:
“Hey Elmo, come on up, I’ll fix you a sandwich!”
Elmo, startled at first relaxed and smiled at Gordon,: “I’d like that”.
Gordon helped Elmo through the window and sat Elmo down, it was obvious by Elmo’s appearance that he had been away for a bit.
Elmo recounted to Gordon the chain of events since his arrest. Gordon was perplexed by what Elmo knew, though he would not elaborate much. Gordon knew that deep down Elmo’s criminal tendencies were fuelled more by a desire to secure financial well-being than blood lust. Gordon reasoned with himself that the fact that Sal and Bif were dead was a small tragedy, since they basically were 75% of the crime in Sesame Street and their absence might cause things to cool off a bit.
Just before Elmo was caught two days ago something happened that he felt he needed protection. The gun used in Bif and Sal’s demise was planted with the foresight of what would happen. Elmo saw something the night of Maria’s murder and would not elaborate until he was sure he was going to be safe, so he turned himself in to police that night.
Elmo forgot his troubles for a while and expressed his desire to lead a normal life, Gordon agreed that his current path would only lead to prison or the grave. He suggested that Elmo do the right thing and talk to the Police about everything. Elmo snapped back to reality and grinned pensively: “yeah, maybe I should.”
Elmo left through the same window he had came and disappeared. He promised to keep in touch with Gordon and that he knew enough about what was going on to make him a target of more people than just Bruno. He asked that Gordon keep a ear open and that they would speak again soon.
Monday, July 30, 2007
F is for Friendship
On the other side of town Bruno was in a panic. Elmo had escaped the clutches of his henchmen and had managed to arm himself at the same time. Bif and Sully were missing and with all the other chaos it was going to be tough to maintain a low profile.
He contracted a few new faces that Elmo wouldn’t expect to hunt him. Telly, who had just gotten out of prison for armed robbery of the Sesame Street Wal-Mart, was a low profile but ruthless signing. Partnered with Telly was worm, another friend of Oscars who had surprising ability for his stature, as you may remember, worm could whistle and spell out sentences with his body. He would never be suspected and could get closer to Elmo without being detected.
They set out on their way through the usual hangouts for a thug in hiding and asked around, Elmo had all but vanished from the Intel they gathered.
Back at the riverside Gordon poked his head out enough to spot the silhouette of a burly character easing two large sacks into the river. The river had a wicked undercurrent and whatever these “packages were, they wouldn’t be seen again for a long, long time.
As quietly as the figure had appeared, it disappeared again into the shadows of the bush that surrounded them.
“Bird, we need to find you a safe place to hide.”
“I’ll be okay Gordon, if anything happens to me remember that I didn’t do it and there may be a killer on the loose.”
“If you should need anything, Bird, just mark the sidewalk near the alley behind the apartment and I’ll find you here. Keep safe.”
“Thanks Gordon.”
Gordon returned to the street above and made his way home, the streets were quiet. Under the porch light was Telly with worm, Gordon greeted them and asked about why they were there. Telly explained that he was now reformed and was looking to reconnect with his roots.
Gordon spoke with them at length about how he was coping and promised if he ran into any of Telly’s old pals, he would let him know.
He contracted a few new faces that Elmo wouldn’t expect to hunt him. Telly, who had just gotten out of prison for armed robbery of the Sesame Street Wal-Mart, was a low profile but ruthless signing. Partnered with Telly was worm, another friend of Oscars who had surprising ability for his stature, as you may remember, worm could whistle and spell out sentences with his body. He would never be suspected and could get closer to Elmo without being detected.
They set out on their way through the usual hangouts for a thug in hiding and asked around, Elmo had all but vanished from the Intel they gathered.
Back at the riverside Gordon poked his head out enough to spot the silhouette of a burly character easing two large sacks into the river. The river had a wicked undercurrent and whatever these “packages were, they wouldn’t be seen again for a long, long time.
As quietly as the figure had appeared, it disappeared again into the shadows of the bush that surrounded them.
“Bird, we need to find you a safe place to hide.”
“I’ll be okay Gordon, if anything happens to me remember that I didn’t do it and there may be a killer on the loose.”
“If you should need anything, Bird, just mark the sidewalk near the alley behind the apartment and I’ll find you here. Keep safe.”
“Thanks Gordon.”
Gordon returned to the street above and made his way home, the streets were quiet. Under the porch light was Telly with worm, Gordon greeted them and asked about why they were there. Telly explained that he was now reformed and was looking to reconnect with his roots.
Gordon spoke with them at length about how he was coping and promised if he ran into any of Telly’s old pals, he would let him know.
Friday, July 27, 2007
T is for Trust
It was after reflecting that Gordon realized he could have been better to Maria, the fact that she was gone forever made it easy to fill his head with thoughts of her, and as usually happens, only the best memories surface once someone is gone for good.
He took a walk through the park, down the street and unknowingly had navigated himself right to the very spot where his wife’s life had ended. He looked through the window and a new layer of dust was already forming over the floors that had been partially cleared by the shuffling of feet and other commotion. He wondered why, why would anyone want to hurt her. His name had been cleared in the murder because it was proven that he was nowhere near Hooper’s that night. But even so, he knew deep inside that Big Bird was incapable of murder and there was some sort of mistake.
“You ok Gordon? A voice whispered from the shadows behind him. It was Bird.
“Big Bird what are you doing? Half of the country is looking for you! Where are you, I can’t even see you!”
“I couldn’t be found Gordon, I didn’t do it and nobody believes me. I had to stay to find out what happened. You believe me don’t you?”
“Of course I do, but the feathers, the footprints, it looks bad Bird, real bad. I can’t see you. Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
They sat near the river somewhere that Gordon had never seen before. Bird had been hiding here for days and it was evident that he was planning for a long stay.
“I hear Snuffy is on the run and they think that you have taken him”
“You know Snuffy couldn’t handle the news that Maria’s dea…” he paused and considered Gordon’s feelings for a moment.
“Sorry.”
“That’s ok Big Bird” he said solemnly, “So where’s Snuffy?”
“He’s gone to visit some family until things cool down, he’s so innocent you know, he even left a trail of hair along the way so he could find his way back, I just don’t think I could handle it if he believed those lies about me.”
“So what happened that night Bird?”
“Well after we had words at Oscar’s I was pretty upset… and drunk, I called Maria to cry on her shoulder and something strange happened, she turned from the phone and said “How did you do that?” then the phone dropped there was a little muffled noise and then the line went dead.”
“I just didn’t feel right about it, so by the time I had made my way back downtown the commotion at Hooper’s told me the story.” That’s when I sent Snuffy on his way and hid out here to wait for things to cool of a bit.”
“So there must have been someone in my apartment when you called, someone she trusted, and someone she knew, a familiar face. Like you... but not you.”
They both fell silent as they heard a rustling in the woods around them. Bird pulled up a brush camouflaged blanket over them both and they lied perfectly still.
He took a walk through the park, down the street and unknowingly had navigated himself right to the very spot where his wife’s life had ended. He looked through the window and a new layer of dust was already forming over the floors that had been partially cleared by the shuffling of feet and other commotion. He wondered why, why would anyone want to hurt her. His name had been cleared in the murder because it was proven that he was nowhere near Hooper’s that night. But even so, he knew deep inside that Big Bird was incapable of murder and there was some sort of mistake.
“You ok Gordon? A voice whispered from the shadows behind him. It was Bird.
“Big Bird what are you doing? Half of the country is looking for you! Where are you, I can’t even see you!”
“I couldn’t be found Gordon, I didn’t do it and nobody believes me. I had to stay to find out what happened. You believe me don’t you?”
“Of course I do, but the feathers, the footprints, it looks bad Bird, real bad. I can’t see you. Let’s go somewhere and talk.”
They sat near the river somewhere that Gordon had never seen before. Bird had been hiding here for days and it was evident that he was planning for a long stay.
“I hear Snuffy is on the run and they think that you have taken him”
“You know Snuffy couldn’t handle the news that Maria’s dea…” he paused and considered Gordon’s feelings for a moment.
“Sorry.”
“That’s ok Big Bird” he said solemnly, “So where’s Snuffy?”
“He’s gone to visit some family until things cool down, he’s so innocent you know, he even left a trail of hair along the way so he could find his way back, I just don’t think I could handle it if he believed those lies about me.”
“So what happened that night Bird?”
“Well after we had words at Oscar’s I was pretty upset… and drunk, I called Maria to cry on her shoulder and something strange happened, she turned from the phone and said “How did you do that?” then the phone dropped there was a little muffled noise and then the line went dead.”
“I just didn’t feel right about it, so by the time I had made my way back downtown the commotion at Hooper’s told me the story.” That’s when I sent Snuffy on his way and hid out here to wait for things to cool of a bit.”
“So there must have been someone in my apartment when you called, someone she trusted, and someone she knew, a familiar face. Like you... but not you.”
They both fell silent as they heard a rustling in the woods around them. Bird pulled up a brush camouflaged blanket over them both and they lied perfectly still.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
S is for Surprise
The call came in at 0300, Elmo had been pinched. Bruno sighed and thought to himself “here we go”. If you know Elmo, you know that Elmo doesn’t have a “doing time” sort of disposition, and it would take very little time for the interrogator to know all that Elmo knew and if it came down to either Bruno or Elmo? You’d best believe it wasn’t going to be Bruno.
The bail hearing adjourned after another of Bruno’s crew “the Count” was removed from the court room, obviously the $10,000.00 bail note was too much to resist, he had, however gathered the needed intel. for his boss. Elmo looked no worse for wear, smiling and singing as always. Elmo had been diagnosed with ADHD months earlier, but with prescription medication was quite focused and cold blooded, it would appear the medication did not survive the pat down.
Once Bruno was advised of the bail amount a sum of $10,000.00; cash was transformed into temporary freedom for Elmo and there to welcome him at the outer door was Sully and Bif, two ex construction workers from the area, who were well known for their collection tactics. Elmo got into the car and sighed: “Elmo so happy to be out of there, can we get Happy Meal?”
Sal eyed Bif and with a half hearted grin said: “Sure 'ting kid, we’ll get you a happy meal”.
The car turned down a barely lit alley and with two quick gunshots the silence over Sesame street broke with a scream, a plea then two more gunshots. It was clear to Elmo from the get-go that Bruno had no intention of letting him see the light of day again, but with some quick moves and a clear head, Elmo had won his freedom, at least for now.
The bail hearing adjourned after another of Bruno’s crew “the Count” was removed from the court room, obviously the $10,000.00 bail note was too much to resist, he had, however gathered the needed intel. for his boss. Elmo looked no worse for wear, smiling and singing as always. Elmo had been diagnosed with ADHD months earlier, but with prescription medication was quite focused and cold blooded, it would appear the medication did not survive the pat down.
Once Bruno was advised of the bail amount a sum of $10,000.00; cash was transformed into temporary freedom for Elmo and there to welcome him at the outer door was Sully and Bif, two ex construction workers from the area, who were well known for their collection tactics. Elmo got into the car and sighed: “Elmo so happy to be out of there, can we get Happy Meal?”
Sal eyed Bif and with a half hearted grin said: “Sure 'ting kid, we’ll get you a happy meal”.
The car turned down a barely lit alley and with two quick gunshots the silence over Sesame street broke with a scream, a plea then two more gunshots. It was clear to Elmo from the get-go that Bruno had no intention of letting him see the light of day again, but with some quick moves and a clear head, Elmo had won his freedom, at least for now.
Friday, July 20, 2007
F is for Foresight
When Officers Bert and Ernie discovered the trail of snuffleuppagus hair it had become evident that Snuffy had either developed mange or was losing hair with the added stress of his current situation. Though it wasn't spoken there was an added urgency to locating the tandem before things got worse.
Back at the crime scene the forensic specialists "Professor" and "Beaker" had secured the evidence, taken the photos and Maria's body was being transported to the Sesame Street Morgue which was actually located on Letter Y street. This was an undesirable location with the likes of Bruno (the former trash hauling giant) who had diverted from his original blue collar employment to seek fast money and easy women in the city's West end. His reputation was that of a notorious drug mogul as well as a womanizer. Though he was still referred to as "The Trash Man" his motivation was far less innocent.
Bruno and Oscar had parted ways shortly after "The Trash Can" opened its doors, Oscar disconnected himself from Bruno and left him with very little to look forward to each day. As a matter of fact he had a staff of thugs and runners which surrounded him and assisted the creation of his empire. His most popular drug was brought to you by the letter "E"; which kept the kids on the Sesame Streets.
Once Maria had made her first voyage as a corpse the word had spread through town and the demand for "E" had skyrocketed out of fear that a raid would prompt a shortage. Bruno was attracting much unwanted attention and it would only be a matter of time before his crew slipped up, Bruno's foresight was 20/20.
Back at the crime scene the forensic specialists "Professor" and "Beaker" had secured the evidence, taken the photos and Maria's body was being transported to the Sesame Street Morgue which was actually located on Letter Y street. This was an undesirable location with the likes of Bruno (the former trash hauling giant) who had diverted from his original blue collar employment to seek fast money and easy women in the city's West end. His reputation was that of a notorious drug mogul as well as a womanizer. Though he was still referred to as "The Trash Man" his motivation was far less innocent.
Bruno and Oscar had parted ways shortly after "The Trash Can" opened its doors, Oscar disconnected himself from Bruno and left him with very little to look forward to each day. As a matter of fact he had a staff of thugs and runners which surrounded him and assisted the creation of his empire. His most popular drug was brought to you by the letter "E"; which kept the kids on the Sesame Streets.
Once Maria had made her first voyage as a corpse the word had spread through town and the demand for "E" had skyrocketed out of fear that a raid would prompt a shortage. Bruno was attracting much unwanted attention and it would only be a matter of time before his crew slipped up, Bruno's foresight was 20/20.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
M is for Murder
Seeds soaked in blood were spread over the counter top, unusually large prints were left on the dusty floor which had not been cared for since Mr. Hooper's timely passing several months ago, with a sigh somewhat absent of disbelief, Constable Grover eyed a yellow feather under an eye-glass and ordered: "Send a car to the bird's house".
Deputies Ernie and Bert approached the dark clubhouse just before dawn and it was immediately obvious that Bird and Snuffy had fled.
The victim of the homicide was Maria, Bird's long time friend, neighbor and confidant. There were rumors that there had been tension since the night at Oscar's strip club where Gordon and bird had come to blows over the disrespect of Gordon's wife with his very presence at Oscar's.
Bird was known as a big tipper at Oscar's so Gordon was led out of "The Trash Barrel" and taken home where Maria had already spoken to Bird and was ready to leave Gordon.
Bird was broken, but this is only the very beginning of an intriguing series of events which would leave this member of CTN (The "Children's Television Network") in shambles, perhaps never to be rebuilt.
Deputies Ernie and Bert approached the dark clubhouse just before dawn and it was immediately obvious that Bird and Snuffy had fled.
The victim of the homicide was Maria, Bird's long time friend, neighbor and confidant. There were rumors that there had been tension since the night at Oscar's strip club where Gordon and bird had come to blows over the disrespect of Gordon's wife with his very presence at Oscar's.
Bird was known as a big tipper at Oscar's so Gordon was led out of "The Trash Barrel" and taken home where Maria had already spoken to Bird and was ready to leave Gordon.
Bird was broken, but this is only the very beginning of an intriguing series of events which would leave this member of CTN (The "Children's Television Network") in shambles, perhaps never to be rebuilt.
Bellegarde: Worlds retirement hotspot
Is there any better place on earth? I gained renewed love for my home. Above is a pic of Julie and I at an abandoned farm near Mom and Dad's house. Apparently it's where my Great Grandfather "squatted" for several years, it's unclear for how long or if squatted means what I think it does.
I came to the decision that if I ever win a lottery I will create a retirement community in Bellegarde (Seinfeld fans humm together "Del Boca Vista") where ex-farmers and former pillars of the community can live out their days with the best of care and comfort. I'll hire my Mom to run it because work keeps her young, Dad will drive the bus to the casino daily and transport Grandchildren to and from the community for visits. Uncle Hippo will be the entertainment, Les will run a newspaper that only reports good news and reflects on WW1 and WW2.
Brother Den will be a personal trainer for the elderly, Jeff will sell drugs (prescription or medicinal only) and I will built my intimidating house on a hill overlooking the town so everyone knows who controls their world.
Wouldn't you love to live there?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Howdy strangers
Let's get down to it.
things are just starting to become manageable. Life is still going at 95 MPH but the routine provides some relief.
This last year I:
Married the most incredible woman I know
Found out I am going to be a new Daddy
Bought my dream home, an acreage with a beautiful brick bungalow
Found a job I could literally do for the rest of my life
Met good people
Avoided (broke ties with) bad people
Turned Thirty
Met my sport hero (Thanks Mark and Sue)
and today I pick up my new (to me) car for my expanding family
For others around me it has been a tough year, I learned that my brother in law can be kicked, knocked down, knocked down again, kicked again and still get up fighting. He's kind of a huge deal.
Our baseball team is kicking butt we are 18 and 2, with 13 consecutive wins.
I had a holiday in Saskatchewan with my new family and it was great, went to see a Roughrider game with my daughter and she decided that pink was no longer "her thing" she's all about the green.
Not much else to day, not even sure if anyone reads this anymore, but hey, it was all just for me anyway.
things are just starting to become manageable. Life is still going at 95 MPH but the routine provides some relief.
This last year I:
Married the most incredible woman I know
Found out I am going to be a new Daddy
Bought my dream home, an acreage with a beautiful brick bungalow
Found a job I could literally do for the rest of my life
Met good people
Avoided (broke ties with) bad people
Turned Thirty
Met my sport hero (Thanks Mark and Sue)
and today I pick up my new (to me) car for my expanding family
For others around me it has been a tough year, I learned that my brother in law can be kicked, knocked down, knocked down again, kicked again and still get up fighting. He's kind of a huge deal.
Our baseball team is kicking butt we are 18 and 2, with 13 consecutive wins.
I had a holiday in Saskatchewan with my new family and it was great, went to see a Roughrider game with my daughter and she decided that pink was no longer "her thing" she's all about the green.
Not much else to day, not even sure if anyone reads this anymore, but hey, it was all just for me anyway.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Homeward
These are pictures from Rankin Inlet Nunavut, I was wearing shorts on the plane and I looked quite the fool
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
He's the "Bone Man"
Brother Bone
This guy was always experimenting with things, most notably: fire, mechanics and Dad’s patience.
One of the more prominent groundings was the “Frozen homebrew extradition operation”, which failed miserably. He would be confined to the perimeter of our yard for weeks and could be seen at a distance trying to get a glimpse of the baseball game taking place in town from the corner of our yard. I felt sorry for him, but the learning curve wasn’t very steep for this lad.
Whether the teachers were having conferences with Mom after school or babysitters running screaming for the door when our parents returned, Brother Bone set the precedent for punishment and took the edge off the rest of us.
Alcohol was also one of the forbidden fruits which he managed to sneak into at barely toddling. He would covertly sneak up alongside a coffee table and before you could say Bob, Bone would have chugged down your glass of whiskey and had a few tokes of your cigar.
In his youth he would fall victim to the shoddy masonry of my father’s stereo shelving and be left dangling from a rope created from bath-robe belts, I can’t recall the hurly burly that followed, but I know it is one of the most talked about stories from his childhood, even though I suspect the master mind behind the whole thing was Brother Pokey, the chin chewing fireball who will be next.
Here’s to my brother “Bone”, the tip-toe, web footed shit disturber. Thanks for making it so easy for the rest of us to look good!
This guy was always experimenting with things, most notably: fire, mechanics and Dad’s patience.
One of the more prominent groundings was the “Frozen homebrew extradition operation”, which failed miserably. He would be confined to the perimeter of our yard for weeks and could be seen at a distance trying to get a glimpse of the baseball game taking place in town from the corner of our yard. I felt sorry for him, but the learning curve wasn’t very steep for this lad.
Whether the teachers were having conferences with Mom after school or babysitters running screaming for the door when our parents returned, Brother Bone set the precedent for punishment and took the edge off the rest of us.
Alcohol was also one of the forbidden fruits which he managed to sneak into at barely toddling. He would covertly sneak up alongside a coffee table and before you could say Bob, Bone would have chugged down your glass of whiskey and had a few tokes of your cigar.
In his youth he would fall victim to the shoddy masonry of my father’s stereo shelving and be left dangling from a rope created from bath-robe belts, I can’t recall the hurly burly that followed, but I know it is one of the most talked about stories from his childhood, even though I suspect the master mind behind the whole thing was Brother Pokey, the chin chewing fireball who will be next.
Here’s to my brother “Bone”, the tip-toe, web footed shit disturber. Thanks for making it so easy for the rest of us to look good!
Monday, March 19, 2007
Meet my family before they exact revenge on me
Above, "junebug" gets his picture taken with real live girls, momma thinks he's handsome. I am short on time and ideas so here is a way for you to get to know my family, starting of course wih the little fella…Junior
This young man (until March 23) was brought up in a climate where he was the least noticed and therefore the most quirky of us all.
Past slogans include (but are not limited to): "too soon the toilet" and referring to a morning glass of OJ after a binge as “Homi-cider” referring of course to Mr. Simpson.
His interests included an unhealthy knowledge of Curious George, The Man In The Yellow Hat, Michael Jordan and Bob Essensa.
His talents are wildlife drawings (duck, ducks and more ducks) which are available to order by print through this site, clarinet playing and emergency supply storage and rationing (rarely could you scour his room without uncovering a stockpile of crispers).
Awards include some hockey runner up medals, a “Team Player Patch” for a team his daddy coached and the coveted Kenossee Bible Camp “Cutie Pie Award”. He also likely has a few for drawing (damned ducks) and singing.
So that is Jr. in a nutshell, next up my dear brother whose claims to fame are shortened Achilles tendons and a passion for buggery (I have to get this in before he becomes a regular poster for Happy Gapper).
This young man (until March 23) was brought up in a climate where he was the least noticed and therefore the most quirky of us all.
Past slogans include (but are not limited to): "too soon the toilet" and referring to a morning glass of OJ after a binge as “Homi-cider” referring of course to Mr. Simpson.
His interests included an unhealthy knowledge of Curious George, The Man In The Yellow Hat, Michael Jordan and Bob Essensa.
His talents are wildlife drawings (duck, ducks and more ducks) which are available to order by print through this site, clarinet playing and emergency supply storage and rationing (rarely could you scour his room without uncovering a stockpile of crispers).
Awards include some hockey runner up medals, a “Team Player Patch” for a team his daddy coached and the coveted Kenossee Bible Camp “Cutie Pie Award”. He also likely has a few for drawing (damned ducks) and singing.
So that is Jr. in a nutshell, next up my dear brother whose claims to fame are shortened Achilles tendons and a passion for buggery (I have to get this in before he becomes a regular poster for Happy Gapper).
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Bone head + Bone head
Only difference is that one of these boneheads is being paid while he thinks about what he's done. FOOLS!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Why's he so happy?
Look at the excitement on this guy's face, wonder why he's so pumped?
See the scary look this guy always has, he (along with many of the Penguin's faithful) is wondering who will be first to get a lesson is superstar respect?
Sidney has a 4th line wing man with 250 pounds (so they have him listed) of muscle. By no means will he be the point scoring menace to opponents, but he might free up some anxieties that come with being a hot sophomore with a target on his jersey.
The big guys will still go after him knowing the consequences, but the small non-tough guys won't be testing their luck with Crosby knowing the team now has a few more hard nosed presences. I'm not a big Roberts fan, but the guy has a Recchi-esque quality and will add much needed experience and leadership to the team just in time for their first play-off run in years.
I might have to dust off my Jagr and Brown vintage jerseys for this one!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Like a kick in the junk...
Sorry for the silent period... No I'm not!
Lots to talk about lots of cool things going on in my life, but I'm not one to air personal laundry.
In the CFL the Roughriders are making all the moves it seems... I say it seems because they are one of few teams who didn't front load contracts last year to operate under the new Salary Cap rules for the 2007 season, so they are the ones trying to make their money plan the way it should be.
I am looking at buying up some Game worn Jerseys for my brood, I jsut got some pictures yesterday and they look pretty sweet!
In the NHL my guy Sid looks like he'll be getting a hard nosed guy to ride along, Gary Roberts looks like he'll be joining the team in the next few hours (officially). I'm still hoping Georges Laraque will make the leap to the Igloo, he used to be one of my favorites when he played for the Oil (my very close to favorite team).
Oops, I let my medical lapse for my job, off I go to make an appointment, even though I am a picture of health....cough cough
Lots to talk about lots of cool things going on in my life, but I'm not one to air personal laundry.
In the CFL the Roughriders are making all the moves it seems... I say it seems because they are one of few teams who didn't front load contracts last year to operate under the new Salary Cap rules for the 2007 season, so they are the ones trying to make their money plan the way it should be.
I am looking at buying up some Game worn Jerseys for my brood, I jsut got some pictures yesterday and they look pretty sweet!
In the NHL my guy Sid looks like he'll be getting a hard nosed guy to ride along, Gary Roberts looks like he'll be joining the team in the next few hours (officially). I'm still hoping Georges Laraque will make the leap to the Igloo, he used to be one of my favorites when he played for the Oil (my very close to favorite team).
Oops, I let my medical lapse for my job, off I go to make an appointment, even though I am a picture of health....cough cough
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Woo woo! (train whistle)
This is the slickest strike I have ever seen. The picture in this article shows the shanty with strikers spreading their message. Problem is here in Sarnia, the strikers are seldom seen outside the makeshift hut. They have a supply of pallets for heat (stovepipe included), toilet facilities and I'm not real sure what is in those red beer style cups they are toting every time I see them but to me; looks like they are making the absolute best of a bad situation.
I have been on strike before and I can tell you it is somewhat humiliating having the best job in the world and somehow seeing the need to scrap for more.
Just my opinion.
I have been on strike before and I can tell you it is somewhat humiliating having the best job in the world and somehow seeing the need to scrap for more.
Just my opinion.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Making my contribution
After reading my daily dose of Rod Pedersen, I decided to take the bull by the horns for my chance at world exposure and stardom. I don't want the Grey Cup to be owned or changed by any money motivated corporation, so with your help I will buy Grey Cup 2008!
But first I need to see if it's a good idea or not, so to the right there is a poll I have posted to see what my readers think. Vote and vote often, we'll see where I get.
Of course I will require more exposure (I doubt 20 readers a day will cough up 10 mil.) so spread the word!
Ambitious? Yes.
Eager? Terribly
Dillusional? Absolutely.
But one never knows, I saw someone become famous for being named Dick Assman, and I have also seen a grilled cheese sandwich sold on E-bay for the price of a luxury car.
But first I need to see if it's a good idea or not, so to the right there is a poll I have posted to see what my readers think. Vote and vote often, we'll see where I get.
Of course I will require more exposure (I doubt 20 readers a day will cough up 10 mil.) so spread the word!
Ambitious? Yes.
Eager? Terribly
Dillusional? Absolutely.
But one never knows, I saw someone become famous for being named Dick Assman, and I have also seen a grilled cheese sandwich sold on E-bay for the price of a luxury car.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
St Valentine's Day
I generally dislike this day and believe it to be one of the most useless "holidays" of the calendar year. To me it means absolutely nothing.This year I have been living Valentine's (at least what it is meant to be) almost every day. I have a family that makes me feel like a king every day and all I have to do is be there. I cook for them, help clean and maintain the house, support, laugh, love and share with them and they are very content with that.
If I come home empty handed tonight it won't be "where the hell is all of my shit?"; rather it will be the same as every day sharing our lives.
This doesn't mean that special things are un-apreciated but they are not done because of the calendar. I do special things because they are warranted and because I feel like doing them. Making a "Daddy's special" meal and sitting as a family to a movie or board game is the most appreciated thing among us all.
I'm sure as I get lazier and older it may become harder to please these women I love, but a simple switch of content for family time and I'm back in the game.
I use this day to stand back a second and realize that I am the luckiest guy in the world because I don't have to do anything outstanding to show my love because every day I spend with them is outstanding and I try to return it ten-fold.
But just in case, I'm getting some Hallmark.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I have a local fan!
Anyone think it odd that one of my most regular (like 6 times a day) readers is from a law firm here in Sarnia? Anyone find it odder that it was the same firm that dealt with my Home purchase in 2002 or so? (cue freaky opening music to horror film of choice)
My question is: to what do I owe the exposure? Glad to have you aboard, enjoy!
It's amazing some of the places I get visits from, it would be nice to know how people stumble upon my little corner of the www. It also makes me feel like keeping atop this thing a little more.
My question is: to what do I owe the exposure? Glad to have you aboard, enjoy!
It's amazing some of the places I get visits from, it would be nice to know how people stumble upon my little corner of the www. It also makes me feel like keeping atop this thing a little more.
This is my kind of guy
Kerry Joseph of the Roughriders signed a new contract that allowed Saskatchewan to operate under the new salary cap that the CFL begins abiding by this year. As pointed out by Rod Pedersen (a sports media expert local to Regina); a lot of the faithful get the impression that Saskatchewan will be the only team abiding by the new rules.
For a quarterback as prominent as Kerry Joseph to take a salary slash to stay on with a team like the Roughriders, I think that is a great example of what it takes to be a champ, leadership and selflessness. His wife may disagree but I am proud that KJ isn't a money monger. Let's see if Ricky Ray would do the same! I doubt he will have to since Macoccia (spell??? because I care not) looks like the type of elf waiting in the weeds just to screw you over!
For a quarterback as prominent as Kerry Joseph to take a salary slash to stay on with a team like the Roughriders, I think that is a great example of what it takes to be a champ, leadership and selflessness. His wife may disagree but I am proud that KJ isn't a money monger. Let's see if Ricky Ray would do the same! I doubt he will have to since Macoccia (spell??? because I care not) looks like the type of elf waiting in the weeds just to screw you over!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Happy anniversary!!!
Two years later and I’m still blogging, though some would argue that I took too many “breaks” but hell, we’ve had some good times haven’t we?
I looked back briefly at some of my best posts (in my mind) and though I have a few favourites, I love each of my 387 posts the same.
I encourage you to browse through the archives.
To commemorate my anniversary which is a celebration of all the great things in my life, I would like to put down a one liner from my sweet and very significant other:
When referring to her ex-husband who has been deemed barely intelligent enough to spell “a”, we were conversing with her daughter (of whom I am equally fond) about favourite colors. I made like I was asking him what his favourite color is, to which Sue replied in his stead “three”. All of which wasn’t heard by Julie because we make a point of not talking bad about him, because with her best interest in mind.
I laughed so hard I nearly peed. Because Sue is a generally very quiet and reserved individual, this was an unlikely comment for her. I was very, very proud.
I’m sure the guy can’t be that idiotic, though telling his child (who I care for 12 days out of 14) that he is going to shoot Mommy and me in the head makes it seem that maybe he has no interest in intelligently dealing with his divorce (4 years ago) and his child’s happiness.
So welcome to day one of what I hope to be a longer standing project than the Winnipeg Blue Bombers “rebuilding phase”.
I looked back briefly at some of my best posts (in my mind) and though I have a few favourites, I love each of my 387 posts the same.
I encourage you to browse through the archives.
To commemorate my anniversary which is a celebration of all the great things in my life, I would like to put down a one liner from my sweet and very significant other:
When referring to her ex-husband who has been deemed barely intelligent enough to spell “a”, we were conversing with her daughter (of whom I am equally fond) about favourite colors. I made like I was asking him what his favourite color is, to which Sue replied in his stead “three”. All of which wasn’t heard by Julie because we make a point of not talking bad about him, because with her best interest in mind.
I laughed so hard I nearly peed. Because Sue is a generally very quiet and reserved individual, this was an unlikely comment for her. I was very, very proud.
I’m sure the guy can’t be that idiotic, though telling his child (who I care for 12 days out of 14) that he is going to shoot Mommy and me in the head makes it seem that maybe he has no interest in intelligently dealing with his divorce (4 years ago) and his child’s happiness.
So welcome to day one of what I hope to be a longer standing project than the Winnipeg Blue Bombers “rebuilding phase”.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Crosby not taking it like a man?
Okay, time to sound off on this non-sense.
First off the only thing Downey was responsible for during this game was yelping from the bench.
"It's part of my game". Nice to see the Habs can get him to generate something from somewhere! I mean 13 points in 180 games? He could be the "next one"... when only cockroaches are left roaming the earth.
"I told him that if you're going to be a superstar in this league, you shouldn't be acting like that." Well coming from such an authority on the subject, Crosby had best straighten up! Nice of Dodo to shed some light from his personal experience on the subject!
"That wasn't even a spear!" more comments that can be seen at any message board where habs fans are allowed to post (sorry but any fans that are as ignorant and mouthy as this bunch should be limited by some sort of anus detecting filter). Well, it's hard for me to say if it was a spear or not because my pain-o-vision (a new system that allows you to feel the same pain as the players on the ice) was down, maybe one of the kind Poutine filled super-fans could describe it to me. The camera angle wasn't quite telling enough.
Do the habs have it in for the "Kid"? I can't say for sure, a few sticks in the mouth and shots to the mid-section are inconclusive.
"What about the hit on Koivu from the previous game, that was totally cheap!"
What about it? If you are looking at your feet and skating in a direction that oposses the momentum of an oncoming player, most hockey fans expect there are going to be some bones rattled.
Of all the fans and teams I despise, Montreal has always been #1 because of their "individuality". From Booing National anthems to calling a 19 year old superstar a "faker" in unison, Montreal has proved themselves as being a bunch of no class, self centered egomaniacal losers (granted there are some that walk among them who recognize talent and respect outside the "cercle").
Now, that said; I do wish Crosby would take a few hits and stay vertical, trying to draw a penalty is in some cases stopping the refs from calling genuine cheap shots. That's all there is to that.
Oh by the way Montreal fans, one word... Ribeiro. Nuff said.
Monday, February 05, 2007
I see Paris I see France...
I see the nipple of a guy named “Prince”.
I’m suing because this picture traumatized me.
Overall the Super bowl was okay, except for a teaser of the US commercials on the Global carried CBS network for about the first ten minutes, I knew we were back in Canadaland when I saw 4 commercials for “Bombardier” in a row… all this just after I see a guy throw a rock in his buddy’s face in a Bud Light commercial.
Between that and Global commercials it was the fake big screen advertisements cleverly superimposed on the stadium view that aggravated me the most. I mean was it not obvious that it was raining everywhere but in front of the Geico display.
Anyone watch the game in HD? Was the picture as rainy and fuzzy as mine? Hahaha way to spend that money! I’m still jealous.
Otherwise besides feeling like I was watching a bunch of teenagers play backyard ball, dropping, recovering intercepting and so on… the game was pretty good, but poorly played.
Now I can’t even cheer for Kenton Keith next year when he plays with the Colts, because that would make me a bandwagonner… and I am not down with that.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Sinister Lights
They don't even need to plot anymore, just let mankind terrorize itself with Lite Brite or other suspicious looking (yeah if you're afraid of sock puppets) advertizing pranks. Wonder what it will take to get Little Debbie's taudry hussie ass off the billboards?
GET A GRIP PEOPLE!!!
Why are people always doing what I do?
This guy has been my idol for 10 years, why am I always the trend setter?
A lot of people call him washed up, I dare say that Kent Austin's regime may be a little more liberal with 33 this season. He's cut down on public appearances to allow for more training. I look forward to a stunning season with some huge moves in the offseason already. It's been a long time since there was so much to keep up on this soon after the Grey Cup, guess it keeps us Rider faithful salivating just a bit!
By the way, I got my #33 autographed last season in Hamilton (birthday meeting with the Canuck Truck) and I am looking to get another one, problem is that is was an authentic game jersey, any idea where a guy can score one? I've tried everywhere.
A lot of people call him washed up, I dare say that Kent Austin's regime may be a little more liberal with 33 this season. He's cut down on public appearances to allow for more training. I look forward to a stunning season with some huge moves in the offseason already. It's been a long time since there was so much to keep up on this soon after the Grey Cup, guess it keeps us Rider faithful salivating just a bit!
By the way, I got my #33 autographed last season in Hamilton (birthday meeting with the Canuck Truck) and I am looking to get another one, problem is that is was an authentic game jersey, any idea where a guy can score one? I've tried everywhere.
I hate cats, but...
Can you imagine, there is quite a lot of fuss over this contraption that washes your animals.
I once tried to wash a cat in the shower, he hid under the bed for a week. I can only imagine that this little fella is likely never going to tread near the washing machine, dishwasher or an array of other appliances ever again.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Nard News
Imagine waking up with a sore nut, then imagine THAT being the least of your worries!
I’ve heard of bad days, but imagine how the other half feels… or never will again! The upside is, however, that the man will likely have a sturdy strong operational “fun stuff” and won’t have an arm to enjoy it….
That was a little offside wasn’t it?
I’ve heard of bad days, but imagine how the other half feels… or never will again! The upside is, however, that the man will likely have a sturdy strong operational “fun stuff” and won’t have an arm to enjoy it….
That was a little offside wasn’t it?
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
High profile news!
Great news everyone! It seems the Afghan mission is turning up all kinds of “Prominent” leaders I have never heard of. My favourite quote from Regional Command-South Squadron Leader Dave Marsh:
"This seizure of a Taliban commander once again shows that there is nowhere to hide for insurgent leaders"
That is unless you are a 6 foot tall lanky sickly man who is more recognized internationally than Brad Pitt with diabetes and a penchant for buggery.
"This seizure of a Taliban commander once again shows that there is nowhere to hide for insurgent leaders"
That is unless you are a 6 foot tall lanky sickly man who is more recognized internationally than Brad Pitt with diabetes and a penchant for buggery.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Recognition
A cog in the wheel was he, and so impressed were his peers that they dubbed him Gear-zie – it was a small honour in comparison to the rush he felt each time the chute opened spewing filth and refuse from 4 bulding complexes that “Gear-zie” was responsible for sorting and disposing of in the appropriate bins. He was actually more of a facilitator than a propelling factor in the operation.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Thoughts
I have just returned from a pollution incident in the North Country, a few observations:
Tattoo is a funny nickname for anyone from any origin that is less than 5 feet tall
Stick is a funny name for someone very tall and very lanky
The water of Georgian Bay is much colder in January when you are standing in it up to your testicles
Some people just don't "Get It"
36 hours in a vehicle with an ex-military, is too much for anyone
Policemen are not all "Bastards"
2 days into a New Year's diet is too soon to be tasked to an area where the healthiest item on the menu is Caesar Salad
A Dodge 3/4 ton diesel 4X4 is NOT impervious to sliding on snow packed roads
And finally, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all...
Tattoo is a funny nickname for anyone from any origin that is less than 5 feet tall
Stick is a funny name for someone very tall and very lanky
The water of Georgian Bay is much colder in January when you are standing in it up to your testicles
Some people just don't "Get It"
36 hours in a vehicle with an ex-military, is too much for anyone
Policemen are not all "Bastards"
2 days into a New Year's diet is too soon to be tasked to an area where the healthiest item on the menu is Caesar Salad
A Dodge 3/4 ton diesel 4X4 is NOT impervious to sliding on snow packed roads
And finally, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all...
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Metric Satire
It seemed all her life was dedicated to small progressive moves toward whatever the end goal was, never progressing rapidly and always patiently – there was however a silver lining in never having to answer to the question: “what’s taking you?”, thought Milli, the inch worm.
Friday, January 05, 2007
In Duh South
Let me introduce you to my Girlfriend’s Daughter, Julie…
She sure is adorable.
Yesterday I went to pick up the little angel to discover that her and her cousins decided to play “Extreme Makeover” on each other. By the time I arrived they had only had time to focus on the coiffe.
Julie looks like something from the Jerry Springer show. The front of her head is clearly visible from all angles, which serves as a window into facial expressions I have never seen before, like the “my mommy is sooooooo pissed at me” puppy dog eyes look. Or the eyeball roll when she receives punishment for the crime.
Yup, I gots me a reg’lar little trailer bunny down ‘ere. The worst part is how Mommy is taking it. She was in another dimension for a while last night obviously preoccupied with the new look Julie. I’m thinking I need to take some of the heat off the poor kid.
I decided to make my lady look like the outsider and make her happy she has nice flowing curly ,locks and a fashion sense.
I’m going to take one of my tight under shirts and cut it just above my navel. I’m going to shave my head entirely except for a little curly tail in the back. I’m going to wear sweat pants that resemble a Hawaiian and techno-mess pattern. I’ll pick up a bottle of Brut after shave and smear it all over. For the kicker I’ll drink whiskey from the bottle, gnaw on beef jerky, yell at the television and smack Sue in the ass every time she walks within arm’s length… Hell I might even teach Julie to shotgun a beer!
Who’s the outsider now?
She sure is adorable.
Yesterday I went to pick up the little angel to discover that her and her cousins decided to play “Extreme Makeover” on each other. By the time I arrived they had only had time to focus on the coiffe.
Julie looks like something from the Jerry Springer show. The front of her head is clearly visible from all angles, which serves as a window into facial expressions I have never seen before, like the “my mommy is sooooooo pissed at me” puppy dog eyes look. Or the eyeball roll when she receives punishment for the crime.
Yup, I gots me a reg’lar little trailer bunny down ‘ere. The worst part is how Mommy is taking it. She was in another dimension for a while last night obviously preoccupied with the new look Julie. I’m thinking I need to take some of the heat off the poor kid.
I decided to make my lady look like the outsider and make her happy she has nice flowing curly ,locks and a fashion sense.
I’m going to take one of my tight under shirts and cut it just above my navel. I’m going to shave my head entirely except for a little curly tail in the back. I’m going to wear sweat pants that resemble a Hawaiian and techno-mess pattern. I’ll pick up a bottle of Brut after shave and smear it all over. For the kicker I’ll drink whiskey from the bottle, gnaw on beef jerky, yell at the television and smack Sue in the ass every time she walks within arm’s length… Hell I might even teach Julie to shotgun a beer!
Who’s the outsider now?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Realize...
It's funny how some people can't see the other side of a situation. They take what they have for granted and use the kindness of a familiar face to their own gain.
I guess this is why Lawyers were created. They see in black and white and don't allow a person who might try to capitalize on someone's generosity to get that close to what is not theirs. The nice things about Lawyers (and there aren't many) is that they can undo past mistakes for the benefit of "the good guy".
Think of people who pour thousands of dollars into insurance packages and get nothing when the need for insurance arises; then, miraculously the Lawyer swoops in to save the day. Sure it costs some money, but they can take your situation from bad to good or at the very least, fair (enough).
What is the #1 uttered threat in North america? Well besides "I'm gonna Kick your ass" it's "You'll be hearing from my Lawyer", problem is that at the end of the day a lawyer can't fix the reason you are in the situation in the first place which is far more likely to have to do with another Money man...
The Phsychiatrist. You can tell them any problems you have from laziness to promiscuity or even poor money habits and they will likely manage to tie all of this to an event in your childhood where you should have been diagnosed with ADHD after you ran in the yard until you puked one day.
The Psychiatrist can reassure you that the problems you have were likely not your fault at all and that makes you nice and warm and fuzzy. And after all isn't that worth more than money?
Lawyers and Psychiatrists... helping you to prove that it's not your fault and that someone along the way (long before them) screwed up, for a small large fee. Sounds like a Contractor or Mechanic to me... "Well somebody did this wrong to start with, now I have to fix it".
I guess this is why Lawyers were created. They see in black and white and don't allow a person who might try to capitalize on someone's generosity to get that close to what is not theirs. The nice things about Lawyers (and there aren't many) is that they can undo past mistakes for the benefit of "the good guy".
Think of people who pour thousands of dollars into insurance packages and get nothing when the need for insurance arises; then, miraculously the Lawyer swoops in to save the day. Sure it costs some money, but they can take your situation from bad to good or at the very least, fair (enough).
What is the #1 uttered threat in North america? Well besides "I'm gonna Kick your ass" it's "You'll be hearing from my Lawyer", problem is that at the end of the day a lawyer can't fix the reason you are in the situation in the first place which is far more likely to have to do with another Money man...
The Phsychiatrist. You can tell them any problems you have from laziness to promiscuity or even poor money habits and they will likely manage to tie all of this to an event in your childhood where you should have been diagnosed with ADHD after you ran in the yard until you puked one day.
The Psychiatrist can reassure you that the problems you have were likely not your fault at all and that makes you nice and warm and fuzzy. And after all isn't that worth more than money?
Lawyers and Psychiatrists... helping you to prove that it's not your fault and that someone along the way (long before them) screwed up, for a small large fee. Sounds like a Contractor or Mechanic to me... "Well somebody did this wrong to start with, now I have to fix it".
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Ode to my departed readers
Did you really leave me again?
After all the minutes I spent writing,
watching the site meter,
listening at the Inbox,
waiting for the news of your return?
A whole lifetime I've been waiting.
I can't believe you're not clicking back.
I can't believe I'm supposed to stop linking.
I can't believe you left me again...
Please dear readers, don't give up! I can do fart jokes, I promise!
Then again I can't blame you, I treated you badly and posted too erratically.
But sometimes writing nothing is the best way to stay "FRESH"; that and showering which I would also choose over blogging.
Stay Fresh people!
TA
After all the minutes I spent writing,
watching the site meter,
listening at the Inbox,
waiting for the news of your return?
A whole lifetime I've been waiting.
I can't believe you're not clicking back.
I can't believe I'm supposed to stop linking.
I can't believe you left me again...
Please dear readers, don't give up! I can do fart jokes, I promise!
Then again I can't blame you, I treated you badly and posted too erratically.
But sometimes writing nothing is the best way to stay "FRESH"; that and showering which I would also choose over blogging.
Stay Fresh people!
TA
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Where oh where has my little dog gone?
It has been a whirlwind holiday season for the Perreaux household. Christmas Day began with the usual excitement and groggy-ness that comes with meat pie and whiskey hang-overs. Gifts were exchanged, appreciated and briefly discovered. A big breakfast was made with everyone's favorites. Then began the planning for the trip home to beautiful Saskatchewan to see my family.
at 3:00 PM the trip began from Sarnia. We made our way Southwest to sling around the cul de sac known as lower Lake Michigan. By 8 PM there was little traffic in Chicago (the first major hurdle in the US), then the course of travel changed North Westward, a few coffee stops, urinal visits and refuels and we were in the snowy beauty of Saskatchewan. Despite a lack of sleep me and my co-pilot arrived unscathed. I took the first few minutes to locate the usual snack bowls and spirit bottles then went off to bed to enjoy the warm, quiet comfort of the "North Room" where I get my best sleep no matter when I come to visit.
A few hours later I emerged from my slumber to the statement: "the dog is gone". It seems Jackal decided he wanted to see more of the country side than the 5 minutes outside of the car allowed him upon our arrival. I tried my usual whistle and calling routine to no avail. The familiarity of the situation brought me to the conclusion that Jackal had been scared by something and made a run for it.
The search began by visiting the usual suspects houses (the ones who own dogs) followed by a visit to secondary escape routes. No Jackal. Some jids were playing on the street with hockey gear when he ran for it, they pointed me in the direction of neighboring pastures as the direction of escape. I strapped up my boots and headed for the snow covered plains. I could see by the tracks left by my spring loaded Lab (and seemingly) Greyhound mix that he was at full speed. I trudged through the pasture on foot following his tracks calling for him. 2 hours later, no sunlight and a trail that ended near a cattle pen enclosed by electrical wire. My best guess was that he had a meeting with the wire and was even more scared at that point. There was no inconclusive evidence of his path of travel so I made my way to the farms nearby where he was not to be found.
I returned to the homestead to regroup and get a flashlight (and some homemade lasagne) before returning to the dark cold prairie winter with the help of my rescue team (Pa) calling and searching from the surrouning roads never to hear a peep. I slowly started to think my dog was cowering in a ditch somewhere frozen and scared. I felt helpless for him.
I decided to widen the search area on a hunch that he might have braved the barb-wire and highway to get further away from humanity rather than closer to it. I drove about two miles away from where I had lost the trail. As I drove along I spotted two white rabbits cross the road in front of me. I figured that there was a chance the dog scared them out of hiding. I stopped the car and turned it off and stepped out.
"J-A-C-K-A-L!"
T which Iheardda faint whimper.
I picked up my flashlight and shone it in the direction of the most beatiful sound in the world at that point. There, two reflective dots approachedbefore the ass dragging string bean that I had almost given up on.
He was tired, wet and hungry and looked petrified. He climbed onto the road and nearly toppled over from exhaustion. I picked him up and put him in the car unable to scold or discipline him. I had my puppy back.
I called Dad to let him know I had found Jack and he sounded almost as relieved as I did (from one dog lover to another, my Dad would likely still be looking out for him). Jack didn't move much the rest of the night and despite a few gashes from fences (I presume), he was in fine form. The rest of the holiday, Jack stayed close by and there were no more MIA situations. Thankfully my instincts match those of a half witted dog with big ears and little between them... gee maybe I'm not so thankful.
Happy new-year everyone, hope 2007 is your best too!
at 3:00 PM the trip began from Sarnia. We made our way Southwest to sling around the cul de sac known as lower Lake Michigan. By 8 PM there was little traffic in Chicago (the first major hurdle in the US), then the course of travel changed North Westward, a few coffee stops, urinal visits and refuels and we were in the snowy beauty of Saskatchewan. Despite a lack of sleep me and my co-pilot arrived unscathed. I took the first few minutes to locate the usual snack bowls and spirit bottles then went off to bed to enjoy the warm, quiet comfort of the "North Room" where I get my best sleep no matter when I come to visit.
A few hours later I emerged from my slumber to the statement: "the dog is gone". It seems Jackal decided he wanted to see more of the country side than the 5 minutes outside of the car allowed him upon our arrival. I tried my usual whistle and calling routine to no avail. The familiarity of the situation brought me to the conclusion that Jackal had been scared by something and made a run for it.
The search began by visiting the usual suspects houses (the ones who own dogs) followed by a visit to secondary escape routes. No Jackal. Some jids were playing on the street with hockey gear when he ran for it, they pointed me in the direction of neighboring pastures as the direction of escape. I strapped up my boots and headed for the snow covered plains. I could see by the tracks left by my spring loaded Lab (and seemingly) Greyhound mix that he was at full speed. I trudged through the pasture on foot following his tracks calling for him. 2 hours later, no sunlight and a trail that ended near a cattle pen enclosed by electrical wire. My best guess was that he had a meeting with the wire and was even more scared at that point. There was no inconclusive evidence of his path of travel so I made my way to the farms nearby where he was not to be found.
I returned to the homestead to regroup and get a flashlight (and some homemade lasagne) before returning to the dark cold prairie winter with the help of my rescue team (Pa) calling and searching from the surrouning roads never to hear a peep. I slowly started to think my dog was cowering in a ditch somewhere frozen and scared. I felt helpless for him.
I decided to widen the search area on a hunch that he might have braved the barb-wire and highway to get further away from humanity rather than closer to it. I drove about two miles away from where I had lost the trail. As I drove along I spotted two white rabbits cross the road in front of me. I figured that there was a chance the dog scared them out of hiding. I stopped the car and turned it off and stepped out.
"J-A-C-K-A-L!"
T which Iheardda faint whimper.
I picked up my flashlight and shone it in the direction of the most beatiful sound in the world at that point. There, two reflective dots approachedbefore the ass dragging string bean that I had almost given up on.
He was tired, wet and hungry and looked petrified. He climbed onto the road and nearly toppled over from exhaustion. I picked him up and put him in the car unable to scold or discipline him. I had my puppy back.
I called Dad to let him know I had found Jack and he sounded almost as relieved as I did (from one dog lover to another, my Dad would likely still be looking out for him). Jack didn't move much the rest of the night and despite a few gashes from fences (I presume), he was in fine form. The rest of the holiday, Jack stayed close by and there were no more MIA situations. Thankfully my instincts match those of a half witted dog with big ears and little between them... gee maybe I'm not so thankful.
Happy new-year everyone, hope 2007 is your best too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
