D is for Denouement

For the second time Ernie awoke, only this time he was blindfolded in a different position, sitting on the cold floor and once again unable to move.

As he squirmed a voice trembled: “He’s going to kill us you know…”

“Elmo, is that you?” Ernie asked.

“Yes it’s Elmo, I’m here with Gordon and Big Bird.”

“With Big Bird? Are you in on this Elmo?” Ernie continued to question.

“No, Big Bird tied here with me, Big Bird not guilty, it was…”

“Silence!” A loud raspy voice growled from somewhere around them. “Now Elmo, you wouldn’t want to ruin my surprise ending would you? All of you are here because you can’t mind your own business. Everything was set to end, I was finally going to be happy, but you all ruined it. Officers Ernie and Bert; you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now you will all have to be removed from this situation.”

Bird capitalized on the current silence questionned softly: “Aloysius?”

A hush fell over the group on the floor which was now confirmed to be The Officers (Ernie and Bert), Elmo, Gordon and Big Bird.

"I knew I was going to be found. I just never knew that I was going to lose everything in the process." he said subdued.

As the others puzzled over the name, Bird continued:

“But why? Why Maria? What did she ever do to you?”

The group was lost as to the identity of their captor. They listened intently.

“She was going to take you from me, things were tough between her and Gordon and Maria was going to take you from me forever and I couldn’t let that happen.”

“But I wasn’t going to go anywhere; I was always your friend.” Said Bird

“That’s not what I wanted, I loved you, You ran to Maria when you needed someone, it was only a matter of time befopre I lost you for good! And you!" Making his way furiously towards Gordon. "You couldn't make her happy, you had the best of everything and you never took time to appreciate it!"

Gordon trembled blind and oblivious as to who was frightening him. Bird spoke up in the hopes of avoiding a tirade which he knew Aloysius was capable of.

“I was always good friends with Maria, she took care of me and I trusted her more than…” Bird stopped himself for fear that the next words would prompt another violent outburst.

“…more than anyone, Bird? That was the problem, you never saw me as that kind of friend or partner.”

Gordon managed to peek through his blindfold, finally he understood

“Snuffy!” He said.

“That’s right it was me, Aloysius Snuffleuppagus and now You've made my mind up for me, none of you can ever walk out of here!"

Snuffy began moving rapidly for his gun when Bird yelled:

Aloysius, you always were my best friend, that would never change, don't do this, there's another way!"

The tirade was postponed. The silence was deafening, teary eyed with an exasperated smirk Snuffy turned his head halfway to Big Bird.

“Best friend, huh?”

“Yes” Bird replied.

“Well it’s too late now.”

Another voice hollered from out of sight:

“Stop Snuffy, this has gotten way out of hand” Alice Snuffleuppagus had a shotgun pointed at Snuffy, her Brother. “Enough... I’ve been trying to help you for as long as I can and it stops now, no more killing.”

Snuffy astonished looked at his baby sister: “Alice? Sweetie, put the gun down.”

“I won’t… this ends now.”

Alice walked closer and now plainly visible to Gordon was the large beast walking upright in a feathery dress with the large 3 toed shoes.

“Alice, put the gun down.”

“I lured Maria into the street to Hooper’s store making her believe we were planning a costume party for Big Bird. I learned to walk upright for gosh sake! I stayed back after Big Bird sent you away to safety, I even killed two of Bruno’s guys while trying to get rid of Elmo since he was the only witness, I’ve been through too much big brother, but it suddenly makes sense! You thought that with Big Bird taking the fall he would turn to you for support, but it never donned on me that you were setting me up to take the fall after you rescued Big Bird. You were going to turn in all the evidence against me. This is over!”

At that moment the lone door flew open and 7 armed monsters entered the previously uninhabited church followed by their leader Bruno. I was apparent that Worm followed Elmo and Gordon and remained undetected.

“Well ain’t this just the most precious love fest you ever saw?” Bruno Chuckled.

Guns drawn at each other, the two groups stood frozen and tense, all but Bruno, who casually paced the floor while speaking.

"So Elmo caught yous up to something and you screwed it up so bad that now you’re gonna have all these bodies on your hands… amateurs... Now we have a new problem, I’ve got a potential snitch on my hands and you’ve got him over there with the rest of your mess. I want Elmo, you can take care of the rest.”

“No way!” said Snuffy alternating his shotgun aim between thugs. “Elmo dies with the rest.”

“I agree, but just let me handle him; I have some special interests in what Elmo knows about some ‘letters’ he was supposed to carry for me, once I get that, I'll be sure to take good care of him.”

“Like you did last time? You’re the reason this all got so messed up in the first place, if you would have finished him off this all would have never happened.” Snuffy yelped.

“Well ok then, it would appear we’re at an impasse… I ain’t leaving without the snitch and you’re not in any position to negotiate, so let me make this simple, give me the little furry sonofa…”

The rant was ended with one shot from Snuffy’s shotgun, which was followed by at least 13 more guns all firing. Mortar flying, benches splintering and bodies falling. It was a bloodbath.

Alice was hit numerous times but continued to fire at the goons in defence of her brother, Snuffy, wasn’t faring much better but with his size it wasn’t as if one shot would bring him down. The group of bound prisoners got as low to the ground as possible.

It seemed like an eternity and about 10,000 rounds ignited but finally the roar of gunfire simmered to a collective groan. Big Bird peered up only to catch a glance of Snuffy falling for the final time. Alice was critically wounded but managed to make her way over and free Officer Ernie, which was an obvious choice to assist since Bert had soiled himself and was passed out. Alice fell to the ground.

Ernie secured the area then proceeded to free the prisoners. Bird rose and rushed to Snuffy’s side.

“Sorry Bird…”

“You’re going to be okay Snuffy, just stay with me!”

Snuffy chuckles and takes a last breath. His large lashy eyes drift to a close and bird hangs his head in sorrow.

The scene is gruesome; all but Worm and Alice lay on the sanctuary floor, lifeless. In one fell swoop, the entire crime activity in Sesame Street disappeared.

Months later Alice was able to leave the hospital where she was kept under guard until she was well enough to go to Jail in the neighbouring town, Peanut Boulevard. She would live out the rest of her days in a cell made for one with little contact from the outside. I mean really, do you even remember her as a character on the show?

Elmo changed his evil ways and was celared of any wrongdoing. Soon after the investigation was closed, he re-opened Hopper’s and became a staple in the community.

Officers Ernie and Bert still maintain a heterosexual existence in their apartment, both awarded medals of bravery. Bert retired the day after the shootout, the police force let him keep the uniform he was wearing that day.

Big Bird was never the same, with Maria and Snuffy gone he had very little connection to the people of Sesame Street, and since Gordon hooked up with Linda (the deaf lady from the earlier show), he had very little time to spend with anyone. Big Bird left Sesame Street for a life more suited to a 8 foot tall yellow effeminate bird; San Francisco.

There is only joy now on these streets. Though Snuffy was remembered as a gentle giant it was agreed that love and loneliness can make you do things. If nothing else the people of Sesame Street made sure that nobody ever felt neglected or alone again.