Ring...
J. Hello?
TM. Good day sir, are Mr. or Mrs. Perreaux home?
pause....
Jim turns away from the phone and says: "Get a shot of the spatter pattern on the wall, with reference to the body"...
J. Who am I speaking to?
TM. Hello sir, I am calling you on behalf of MBNA Canada and I would like to speak to you about...
Telemarketer is cutoff by Jim who is obviously annoyed and once again turned away from the phone: "People could we please try not to step in the evidence!"...
TM. Umm sir sorry to bother you I can call back another time.
J. Excuse me son, what's your name?
TM. Umm, Ramir, sir.
J. Ramir I'm going to have to ask you a few questions... While we trace the call, it's standard procedure after a murder.
TM. Murder? Umm I don't know anything abou....
J. Son, what's your relationship to the deceased?
TM. I have no relationship to them sir.
J. Wait a second, I never told you there were two bodies.
TM. Sir, I don't...
J. Ok, Ramir, here's what's going to happen, we have located you and a couple of Officers are just going to come over there and ask you a few questions, can you stay on the line with me for a bit?
TM. But sir I have to go.
J. Why are you so nervous, son?
Telemarketer is obviously upset and his voice is trembling.
TM. I just want to get back to work.
J. So do I son, So do I, but you see my problem here is I have two bodies, and you obviously have some connection to the couple since you know their names, that there are two of them here at my feet and you called them at home at 8 PM, now I want what you want, but we need to get a few questions answered.
TM. Ok
J. Ramir, where were you between the hours of 0500 and 0630 this morning?
Ramir is obviously flustered and doesn't want to be involved becasue he rudely hangs up. Can you believe the lack of phone etiquette by some people? Sheeesh!
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7 comments:
Freaking awesome - thanks!
Feel free to try that one out, I have a million of 'em.
YOU DIDN'T! That is brilliant, bro. -LP
I did, and thank you, I love to screw with telemarketers. Most of the time they just hang up when you start this, but Ramir seemed genuinely concerned, for a while anyway.
Jim,
I'm taking that one! We always say Mr. or Mrs. Thibault aren't home and they always call back! Some are very persistant and ask what is a good time or call 2-3 time per day! I've tried pretending i'm a kid, right down too, sluring my words as if i were piled! They don't give up! Anymore suggestions???
I did get sucked into one! When i answered they said "you won!" me being the gambler i am said "great,what did i?" A free T.O autoghraphed baseball jersey. they said the need all my mailing adress info so i gave it and then i recieved 300 30watt light bulbs with my Jersey that was more of a tshirt. Enclosed was also a bill for 300 30watt bulbs! at a low cost of $1.65 each, my total being just over $700.00! Fuck'm i kept it and never paid. They still call woundering if i recieved my free gift! I always say no!
PALZ
TBow
Haha, attaboi, I have many many telemarketer deterrents, you cam always pretend that you are receiving pleasures of a graphic nature and make them wait til "you're done" but in my case the neighbors ask a lot of questions after this stunt, since they know I am by myself!
Other favorites include:
"Drunken Scottsmen 2 and 5"
"American Idol reject looking for approval from anyone who might listen"
"Job application" (when you try to get a job with the company calling in a very persistant manner)
More later....
~~~~Remote HappyGApper~~~~~~
I politely ask them to hold while i get the owner of the house who, of course never actually answers the phone. Sometimes the results can be even more funny when unlucky roommate tries to use the phone 10 minutes later only to find joe blow from tuktanuntuk, nunavut still on hold, trying to sell me a subscrition to seal hunt 101.
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