Cruisin for a Bruisin

Kids these days...

I hear Tom Cruise wants his pregnant wife to deliver their child with no screaming. You may remember a previous post where I elaborated on the nature of Mr. Cruise's religion. This is all tied together. Aparently a child would be scarred for life if born into a world of screams of anguish. I for one say: "Good for you Tom".

I think he got this one right, I mean maybe I'm no expert, but what's the big deal? A little pain can seem a lot more tolerable if taken with a smile. Sure, I understand that the sheer mechanics are frightening, what with the ratio of what I call "Burger to Bun". In this case the burger is far more substantial than the bun... It's like a Quarter pounder sitting between two Mini Ritz.

But I mean couldn't Katie (Tom's wife) stifle it for a few hours, then maybe later on, when the child and Tom are far from earshot she could have a good scream. That would be best for the child.

Some of you may be surprised by my stand on this issue, but really, I think birth can be traumatic enough without hering your mommy screaming: "Tom I swear to Zenu if you ever touch me I'll bitch slap the thetans right out of you!" Now that's graphic.

Now for Tom's part I think there is a simple solution so he can understand and show Katie that he can do it himself.

1. He can pass a large marble through his Penis. I mean it shouldn't be too bad, it's only about 5 times the diameter of the passage at it's most dialated state. And besides, once the stitches come out, there's barely any scar. Just no screaming, Tom.

So there you have it, a simple quiet way to birth a child so that they never be traumatized. I'm sure growing up in a house where Mommy and Daddy talk about disembodied souls of the billions of space aliens brought to Earth and blown up by nuclear bombs by evil galactic overlord Xenu that are waiting to take over their free will, is going to make for a very happy and trauma free upbringing, Thetan free of course!