Friggin Looney!

Just had an episode at work. While speaking to a coworker I hear this yelling through our security doors in a public area where the bathrooms are located. We are on the 6th floor of a 14 storey. Profanity, threats and the like, this dude sounded upset, as I open the door it's more of a high pitched shrieking, I'm afraid he has cornered a woman in the washroom. My old boss (f'n prick) and I listen in and conclude that this dude is going mental, but that all the voices, languages and profanities were coming from one person.

"F****ng Rocky Balboa, you know he is a tiger, he lives in this place right here, This F****ng place, this floor right here, this place is shit; espensa corata guala tonera ginere saslor" and so on, this he then clarified to himself as loud as possible that he was not spanish or arabic.

So we waited outside to make sure nobody was cornered in a stall or something and the police were called. We waited outside the bathroom to keep tabs on him. Finally the little puke emerges, with the sinks overflowing the toilets stuffed with hand towels and the dipensers and garbages laying in ruins on the floor.

Young kid, not terribly threatening emerges quiet and calm. Arsehole asks: "everything ok?" he replies: "Yep! and yourself?" He hits the elevator button and makes small chat like a normal human. I head down the stairs to keep an eye on him (our Security people are at a meeting in Ottawa and the commissionaire girls weigh a buck eighty between them both). The young man heads out of the building and over the wall to the railroad tracks and starts walking along.

Turns out this kid had been terrorizing the building for 2 hours, removing security cameras from their perches, trashing washrooms etc...

As far as we know he is with the police speaking some kinda language to whoever will listen. Nutbar!

Side note: Gamma is pissed at me for going anywhere near the scene. Sorry Gamma.

What in the name of Gretzky happened?

Brutal. Just plain Brutal.

I may have not agreed with some of the choices on the Roster, but I never expected to be eliminated the first chance the opposition got.

The boys looked slow, out of place and desperate. The looked like the Swiss in slow Motion. Bertuzzi lumbered around accomplishing very little except penalty minutes. Smyth was muted, St. Louis was better than I expected, Nash was dissapointing, Thornton was out of place, Lecavalier did zero. Brodeur was phenominal, Luongo exceeded my expectations.

This team (and its coaching) was picked by heart rather than head. Coach Quinn is doing nothing good with his home club (Leafs Suck!). St. Louis is suffering from the hangover of all hangovers after last year's impressive season. Sakic is a leader, McCabe gets the puck in the net and is very fast. I get the feeling people were chosen by history of merit rather than recent play that proves beyond a single doubt that they are at the top of their game.

Ovechkin and Malkin dominated, and it was obvious that these kids were for real and deserved to be there. Staal rode on the taxi squad. Crosby was never a thought. Of the top 25 NHL point leaders, 3 of them were on Team Canada. Snubbed in the same top 25 were players Staal, Savard, Tanguay, Crosby, Marleau (Saskatchewan boy), Richards, Spezza and Kariya.

How do you leave the 8 top point getters out of potentially and usually the best hockey team on earth? Sentimentality, plain and simple. They were chosen by the motto This may be their last chance (remeber that Lemieux and Yzerman were offered spots). "But those are all point scorers, we need workhorses", sure throw in a Smyth, and Lecavalier (Thornton was already there). Bertuzzi? Draper? I would have taken Staal over any of them in a heart beat.

But all is said and done, as we hinge our hopes on the women's curling team to bring in a bronze at least. Maybe a medal in the woman's 5000 metre speed skating. Never know, the men's curling might get a gold too! We're guaranteed at least silver. Sad thing is... I had cleared my Sunday morning schedule 2 weeks ago to watch the Gold medal game. Guess I'll bathe instead.

Bitter???

The title of this post is a link to an American news site that spins Canada's Wonen's Hockey Gold in a negative way. Like we would expect any better.

Moore Moola

So Moore is going after Todd for a few Million dollars to get back at him for that sucker punch.

I think the punch was wrong, but the response has been even more so. How many times has Totonto hero Tie Domi given a guy a shot while he was running scared? How many times did it happen that some chippy cocky player got smoked for being so.

It happens every game. What doesn't happen is a 200 some pound tough guy fall to the ice in a heap with a spinal cord injury. That was a horrible thing to see, and even worse when Bert dropped doewn on him and gave him a couple more. I honestly don't think he knew Steve was out or injured.

In any case he was penalized and I agree that gunning for a guy because he hit one of yours a few games ago is a bad thing, but filing a lawsuit with (among one of its) intentions to distract from one of the most important experiences in a hockey players' life is also bad.

I hate that Steve was injured so badly, I hate that he skated away rather than face Bertuzzi, I hate that Bertuzzi was so gutless as to sucker punch him, but I hate that Moore will never let this go if for no other reason than for financial gain.

Kinda makes you wanna punch him in the head, but not from where he can see me... he'd kill me.

Pound for Pound Dick

"Those skiers, they're doping for sure, Hockey players... dopers... NFL football, oh you better believe they're doping... Major League Baseball, most of them dopers, Soccer... DOPE! Cricket in the Middle-East is plagued by dopers... Race car drivers, dope a dope dope... My pool boy? Dope-fiend. And don't get me started on those chinese chess players, they're so doped up the tests are negative."

Al this coming from the dopiest looking suit in sports. I wonder if anti-doping is the solution, eliminating hair treatments, or combinations of Wal-Mart brand supplements that return a positive test. I think the guidelines are a little too strenuous. I can see keeping steroids out of sports, but a creatine and L-Glutamine complex with Nitric Oxide stack is no steroid. But it does enhance performance, as does sleep, training eating and mental preparedness.

Olga Pyleva was Dick's first Olympic Gold medal:

"The drug she tested positive for was the banned stimulant carphedon, said Nikolai Durmanov, head of the Russian Anti-Doping Committee. He said a doctor who treated her for an ankle injury in January gave her an over-the-counter medication that did not list carphedon as one of its ingredients."

To which our crusader replies:
"It's a bad thing that somebody is testing positive, but it's a good thing we got her," World Anti-Doping Agency chief Dick Pound said.

"I don't know whether their defence is credible or not, but it doesn't matter," Pound said. "It's the stuff in your system that counts. That's all that matters as far as the Olympic result is concerned."

Now that Dick got his victory he can move on to testing the children in the pageantry for high sugar levels and strip them of their commemorative toques. Attaboy Dick!

A Shit Leopard Can't Change Its Spots

Trailer Park Boys are hosting the East Coast Music Awards, much to the chagrin of a few bible thumpin banjo pickin Lahey lovin chesseburger eatin bastards.

(Applause as house lights dim and stage lights came up)

Bubs: Holy shit Ricky! Look at all the F***in people. I feel like we're at a Styx concert (inaudible grunt of excitement)

Ricky: Yeah, it's pretty awesome, to get here I had to peomise not to f***in swear or smoke, or get drunk, so I guess being famous has a price, but I want to do this for Trin.

Julian: That's right Ricky, keep focusing this time, this could be our big break. I have some shirts backstage, with some on-line casino labels on them, we could rake in some cash and retire.

Bubs: Oh ch**st, not that f***in freedom 35 nonsense again.

Ricky: I'm not wearin those shirts, they're f***in ugly. (in his frustration Ricky lights a "cigarette").

Bubs: Jesus f**k, here we go.

Julian: Ricky, put that out we're on live television.

Ricky: (Stares at Julian) Well if I can't Smoke or drink then I'm going to get f***ed up.

Bubs: C'mon Ricky, don't f**k this up, I don't want to work my whole life.

a pause

Ricky puts it out and seemingly re-focuses.

Julian: Attaboy Ricky.

Just when everything seems to be under control a few of P.E.I.'s finest slowly swarm the stage like a group of lion hunter surrounding their prey.

Ricky: What the f**k?

Julian: Stay calm Ricky, just put your hands up. And lay down.

Ricky: F**k that! (Ricky pulls a gun from his back waist belt, and fires into the air and startles the group, Julian is puzzled and now 13 guns are pointed at them as are the screams of the officers.)

Ricky raises his hands and shakes his head

Julian: Put the gun down Ricky!

Ricky: F**ck that, if I put mine down they're gonna shoot me.

Bubs: (frantically) Please Ricky put the f***in gun down!

Ricky: Ok, ok, I'm putting the gun down.

As he bends over to lay the piece down it goes off and hits Ricky in the leg.

Ricky: F**k!

The Officers swarm and cover Ricky who is yelling, Julian puts his one hand in the air, making sure not to spill his Rum, and lays flat on his belly. Bubbles kind of fades in the madness and retreats to their dressing room.

Ricky: You shot me you assholes!

The picture fades to a shot of Mr. Lahey who is watching the drama on television.

Randy: (with two cheeseburgers in hand) Mr. Lahey how did you know to report to the police that Ricky would have a gun?

Lahey: Because Randy, a shit leapard can't change its spots.

(Loud applause as the anouncer welcomes viewers and audience to ECMA's and the stage is cleared with Ricky fighting every step of the way.

That's it I just wrote the opening of the ECMA's. Tune in and see if I'm anywhere close!

Valentine's day

Ok, so yesterday was Valentin'e day and I didn't even get a nod. I mean I am only Sarnia's (newest) most eligible bachelor, c'mon!

But seriously, In the past 5 years I haven't been near anyone on Valentine's Day, and to tell you the truth I've been sort of lucky that way. Never worrying about forgetting it, or not getting the right gift. I get to listen to the Hens cackle about how their man better make good or else!

I am of the opinion that this Halmark holiday is for women only. What man expects more than a quick roll in the proverbial hay, (if he still likes her). Now ask the same question of a woman, boy howdy you'd best make with the Lindor and long stems!

Not that these are bad things, it gives a man a chance once a year to prove to his wife (or significant other) that that little flame is still burning for only her; and though 364 days a year pretty much fly past them with litle more than an occasional nuzzle or: "I love you", this day could be important to sustaining a deep and emotional connection with your life partner, or keep the loud screaming noise to a minimum for those of you who forget.

I marked Valentine's day of 2006 with a Steak and a visit to my special girl Ellie Mae to deliver her a little something special. She got me a Dora the Explorer card which was cute, and a slice of cake that she decorated at daycare.

This Valentine was spent quite the opposite of romance with a visit to a Family Lawyer and a Steak dinner for one. But y'know? It was nice all the same, next year I'm going to Cuba!

Dominator without gear... Conspiracy!

TURIN, Italy (AP) -- Dominik Hasek's quest for another Olympic gold medal is off to a rough start.

The goalie from the Czech Republic is missing his equipment.

Hasek made the trek from Ottawa to Turin, but his gear got sidetracked along the way. And there is no guarantee he will have it in time for the tournament opener Wednesday against Germany.

"Oh, I had some problems," the 41-year-old goaltender said Monday night after practicing with borrowed gear. "I don't know where it is. It's traveling somewhere in Washington, I believe. But we don't know for sure."

Hasek helped lead the Czechs to the gold medal in 1998 -- the first time the NHL sent players to the Olympics. He took a year off after his team's also-ran finish at Salt Lake City, but he is back in top form for the Ottawa Senators this season -- in the top five in the league in victories and goals-against average.

He was able to get some work in with his teammates on Monday with the help of Jim Corsi, the goalie coach for the Buffalo Sabres and Team Italy. Hasek spent nine seasons in Buffalo before moving onto Detroit, where he won his only Stanley Cup title.

"I wasn't happy with it, but it was better than nothing," he said of the unfamiliar equipment.

Ottawa defeated Philadelphia at home on Saturday before the Olympic break. Hasek flew on Air Canada to Washington before switching to Alitalia for the trip to Milan and then Turin. He doesn't know where his belongings were lost.

"I don't want to blame. It's an unfortunate situation," he said. "We are smiling right now, but if it won't be here tomorrow it's not too much fun for me."

I hope he gets his equipment soon, I hate Hasek's style, but I'm embarassed for the sonofabitch. But really the way he flops around in the crease, does it matter what he wears?

Now on the net, conspiracy thorists unite to come to the conclusion that someone in Air Canada Cargo put the stuff on the wrong plane on purpose. C'mon people baggage handlers aren't that smart!

*NOTE: He is going to be wearing the 12" pads from before the NHL size restrictions, guess there's just more of him to hit. If his stuff gets there. Muhahahahaha!

Bahahahhahaha.... Hahahaha ... hehehehehe

Bahahaha... ohoohoohoohoohoohhoooo, haw haw haw haw, whew, that's just good stuff. By the way that's a Leafs Jersey, hehehe. Thanks S.O.L.

Poor Kid

Anyone else feel like Sidney Crosby is being taken for a ride?

"C'mere Boi, you gots you one purdeh bahine, now less get a gawk at dat pah ho."

I feel bad for the kid. He's widely known as a RBK spokesman sell out whiner, but really how would you react to a year where:

You are drafted to a team that has, at best, a shot at second last in the NHL,

Your mentor is arguably the best player to ever lace 'em up,

Your mentor gives up on a team that he owns and once captained,

Your team mates generally don't like you and therefore leave you to protect yourself,

To add to the pressure of being dubbed Pittsburgh's saviour, and being disliked by the team, they pin an "A" to your jersey and ask you to take a leadership role in your rookie year,

You're competing for rookie honors with a Rusky who is bigger tougher and 2 years more experienced (not to mention talented as all hell),

and let's not forget, living in the boss/owners house as he tries to sell the franchise that neither he nor this phenom could save.

Oh, and everyone in the world knows the ply thickness of the T.P. you use when you make boom boom.

It seems that sometimes everyone is sort of hoping that he'll fail, but I get the feeling more and more that some are starting to feel sorry for him. Just look at the picture above, tell me you don't feel bad for that boy.

Kudos to JaJa for the pic I feel too guilty to forward it by e-mail, but here it is!

Theo on juice?

The Montreal Canadiens announced Thursday that goaltender Jose Theodore tested positive for a substance on the WADA banned substance list.

Head Team Physician, Dr. David Mulder, discussed details of the test.

Theodore tested positive for the hair restoration drug, Propecia, which is not an anabolic steroid but does act as a masking agent. Mulder stated that Theodore has been using the product for "eight to nine years."

Now seriously, with Theo's recent play does anyone seriously think that this guy is on performance enhancing drugs?

My favorite quote however:
"I'd rather have the haircut I have today than be bald and be the third-string goal on Team Canada," he quipped to reporters following the Habs win.

Don't worry Jose, Nobody wants to see you bald... or on Team Canada.

Say it ain't so Wayne

"Hey Billy! you better make good on that dime or I'm gonna have Insane Jane break your legs!"

Turns out the "Innocent one" wasn't so innocent. I hope this blows over, before Tony Soprano has Gretz sleepin wit da fishes.

I did that!

Library tower....

Liberty Tower (not yet built in New York City)



Dumb ol George anyways...

He gave a bare outline of the plot:

"In the weeks after Sept. 11, while Americans were still recovering from an unprecedented strike on our homeland, al-Qaeda was already planning its next attack," he said.

"In October 2001, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the mastermind of the Sept. 11 attack, had already set in motion a plan to have terrorist operatives hijack an airplane using shoe bombs to breach the cockpit door and fly the plane into the tallest building on the West Coast.

"We believe the intended target was Liberty Tower in Los Angeles, California.

"Rather than use Arab hijackers as he had on Sept. 11, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed sought out young men from Southeast Asia, whom he believed would not arouse as much suspicion."

As Bush described it, the would-be hijackers were found through Asian intermediaries.

"Once those operatives were recruited, they met with Osama Bin Laden and then began preparations for the West Coast attack.

"Their plot was derailed in early 2002 when a Southeast Asian nation arrested a key al-Qaeda operative. Subsequent debriefings and intelligence operations made clear the intended target and how al-Qaeda hoped to execute it.

"This critical intelligence helped other allies capture the ringleaders and other known operatives who had been recruited for this plot. The West Coast plot had been thwarted."

Bush did not say why he was making the information public now or why he had not done so before.

Well, cudda been worse, he cudda sent operatives to thwart a bombing of the Statue of Library.

Best of Superbowl

Here are my top 5 picks for best commercial during superbowl. Don't be deterred by the lame Final Destination comercials before the commercials, or other commercials before the commercials.

1. Bud Light

2. Budweiser

3. Michelob

4. Sprint

5. Fed Ex

You can see the rest at This site.

Lampman?

My 5000th of 5001 visits in the past year was a reader from Lampman Saskatchewan, That's about all I have for details. So let us know who you be and I'll arrange for your prize! If I don't hear by today who it is, I'll go on down the list, which puts a reader from Winnipeg on top. I'm guessing Cousine JaJa, who will get as her prize a visit from The Happy Gapper himself and a few of the personalities I write about daily... and some free hooch.

It could be you!

I am checking the numbers and soon one of you will be my 5000th visit, it would be terrific if it happened on my 365th blog day.

So here's the deal. The 5000th visitor of this site will get their choice of:
1. A large beer
2. A Saskatchewan flag
3. A pair of Hot Paws

No foolin', I'll announce the winner tommorow, for now, I must go work off my Superbowl beers.

Ta

Blast from the Past

In honor of my 1 Year anniversary as the HappyGapper, I invite you to take a look at my first ever published entry: When Hawks Attack

Happy Anniversary

I been spouting on this here blog for about a year now. Here's a summary of what's been accomplished. With a new year of Blogging, here's hoping we ALL have a better year! I mean what could possibly go wrong?

Eeyore and S.O.L. are moving into a new place (on higher, dryer ground)
Dad's (Streak) retiring this summer
Jeff has a girlfriend!!!!
Jeremy doesn't!!!
Pokey looks like he'll have this summer off for all the extra duty stuff he does overseas
Kim's married to Pokey and he'll be overseas (hahaha)
Denis is set in an awesome job in a city he loves, with his fantastic kids and wife
Wheels will be mayor of Sarnia soon
Ipod penny (Wheels' wife) will be back to work... wait not sure if that's good or not.

And as for anyone else who wasn't mentionned on this, you must be doing good already, because we know how my Blog feeds off of the misfortunes of others.

Bad Jose

Christobal Huet is reaping the benefits of some piss poor goaltending by Jose Theodore. This is about the point when the fans of Montreal ostrisize him and ensure that he never finds his groove again... In Montreal at least.

Jose, if you're reading this, consider getting out of the big Smokey and heading West to the city of Champions. Lord knows they need a goalie, and I think a change of Venue will clear a few of your demons from your head.

In the mean-time, don't beat yourself up too badly, I mean Montreal likely won't get much further with or without goaltending.

You there! Get off my planet!

Message in a bottle: Don't litter

Monday, February 6, 2006

NAPEAGUE, New York (AP) -- A boat captain who sent a message out to sea in a bottle says he received a reply from Britain -- accusing him of littering.

"I kind of felt like no good deed goes unpunished," Harvey Bennett, 55, told the East Hampton Star.

The plastic bottle was one of five that Bennett placed in the ocean off New York's Long Island in August.

Last month, he excitedly opened a letter from England, and was stunned by the reply:

"I recently found your bottle while taking a scenic walk on the beach by Poole Harbour. While you may consider this some profound experiment on the path and speed" of "oceanic currents, I have another name for it, litter.

"You Americans don't seem to be happy unless you are mucking about somewhere," says the letter, signed by Henry Biggelsworth of Bournemouth, in the southern county of Dorset.

Super Bore XL

It was unanimous by the third quarter that this year's Super Bowl was the most boring in years. The beer was good, the food was good, but the game we looked forward to for two weeks was a bust.

Bo-Ring.

I did however win the 4th quarter pool for a hefty $10.00 not bad for a 25 cent per square investment.

Now I guess we'll wait for CFL season to get started, this will be the year... Promise.

Heads up boys, it's the Yanks!

(CNN) -- U.S. forces in Baghdad accidentally shot at the car of the Canadian ambassador to Iraq, John Holmes, but no one was injured, a State Department official said.

It was not immediately clear whether Holmes was inside the vehicle.

"It's an unfortunate incident," the official said of Tuesday's incident. "We are in close contact with the Canadians about the matter."

A Canadian official said the car, which was carrying four people with the Canadian mission in Iraq, was fired on in the capital's heavily fortified Green Zone.

In another incident, Italian authorities said this month they had closed their investigation into the killing of an Italian intelligence officer in Baghdad by U.S. troops in Iraq, the probe's investigative judge said.

The judge, Franco Ionta, would not say whether investigators recommended charges against the U.S. soldier who fired the shots that killed Nicola Calipari and wounded a newly freed Italian hostage, journalist Giuliana Sgrena, in Baghdad in March 2005.

American troops opened fire at the vehicle carrying Calipari, 50, and Sgrena as it approached a checkpoint en route to Baghdad International Airport. A U.S. probe found that the vehicle was traveling about 50 mph, and failed to stop at a checkpoint when ordered to do so.

The Italian investigation concluded that stress and inexperience of the soldiers played a role.

So where does that put the U.S. vs. the world friendly fire incident-ometer?