Trailer Park Boys are hosting the East Coast Music Awards, much to the chagrin of a few bible thumpin banjo pickin Lahey lovin chesseburger eatin bastards.(Applause as house lights dim and stage lights came up)
Bubs: Holy shit Ricky! Look at all the F***in people. I feel like we're at a Styx concert (inaudible grunt of excitement)
Ricky: Yeah, it's pretty awesome, to get here I had to peomise not to f***in swear or smoke, or get drunk, so I guess being famous has a price, but I want to do this for Trin.
Julian: That's right Ricky, keep focusing this time, this could be our big break. I have some shirts backstage, with some on-line casino labels on them, we could rake in some cash and retire.
Bubs: Oh ch**st, not that f***in freedom 35 nonsense again.
Ricky: I'm not wearin those shirts, they're f***in ugly. (in his frustration Ricky lights a "cigarette").
Bubs: Jesus f**k, here we go.
Julian: Ricky, put that out we're on live television.
Ricky: (Stares at Julian) Well if I can't Smoke or drink then I'm going to get f***ed up.
Bubs: C'mon Ricky, don't f**k this up, I don't want to work my whole life.
a pause
Ricky puts it out and seemingly re-focuses.
Julian: Attaboy Ricky.
Just when everything seems to be under control a few of P.E.I.'s finest slowly swarm the stage like a group of lion hunter surrounding their prey.
Ricky: What the f**k?
Julian: Stay calm Ricky, just put your hands up. And lay down.
Ricky: F**k that! (Ricky pulls a gun from his back waist belt, and fires into the air and startles the group, Julian is puzzled and now 13 guns are pointed at them as are the screams of the officers.)
Ricky raises his hands and shakes his head
Julian: Put the gun down Ricky!
Ricky: F**ck that, if I put mine down they're gonna shoot me.
Bubs: (frantically) Please Ricky put the f***in gun down!
Ricky: Ok, ok, I'm putting the gun down.
As he bends over to lay the piece down it goes off and hits Ricky in the leg.
Ricky: F**k!
The Officers swarm and cover Ricky who is yelling, Julian puts his one hand in the air, making sure not to spill his Rum, and lays flat on his belly. Bubbles kind of fades in the madness and retreats to their dressing room.
Ricky: You shot me you assholes!
The picture fades to a shot of Mr. Lahey who is watching the drama on television.
Randy: (with two cheeseburgers in hand) Mr. Lahey how did you know to report to the police that Ricky would have a gun?
Lahey: Because Randy, a shit leapard can't change its spots.
(Loud applause as the anouncer welcomes viewers and audience to ECMA's and the stage is cleared with Ricky fighting every step of the way.
That's it I just wrote the opening of the ECMA's. Tune in and see if I'm anywhere close!
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