E-Bay shopping fun!

I was browsing the WWW and came across this ad for goalie equipment.

HEATON PRO 60Z GOALIE VEST IN MEN'S MEDIUM. VEST IS A PRO VEST AND OFFERS BETTER PROTECTION THAN CHEAPER VESTS. SLAP SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF THE VEST WITHOUT BEING FELT. LOW REBOUND PADDING HELPS CONTROL SHOT. IT IS FULLY ADJUSTABLE IN ARM LENGTH AND ALSO OFFERS EXCELLENT ELBOW PROTECTION. IT IS IN GOOD SHAPE AND HAS MANY GAMES LEFT IN IT.

Now, to pick apart this ad and make fun of the frankenstein looking meat-head inside it.

"MEN'S MEDIUM"... I would guess that maybe this was an item from Frankendudes' childhood but then...

"SLAP SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF WITHOUT BEING FELT"... Now, does anyone here think maybe the "BOUNCE" has less to do with protection and more to do with 1. the puck being afraid of him, or 2. the blue surface surrounding the vest filled with some sort of biologigal protection of its own.

"LOW REBOUND PADDING HELPS CONTROL SHOT"... Anyone want to hazard a guess as to the contributing FAcTor in the shock absorption?

"ADJUSTABLE IN ARM LENGTH AND ALSO OFFERS EXCELLENT ELBOW PROTECTION" well at least there's protection for his arms... between his upper elbow and upper forearm.

And though it has "MANY GAMES LEFT IN IT" it may also come with the big fella "LEFT IN IT" since he may not be able to take it off.

To his credit, he likely is a very succesful goal tender... I mean... would you fire a puck at this monster on purpose??