I'll be darned

Try this out,

Go to Google, serch the word "Failure" and click "I'm feeling Lucky".

True definition.

Haloween fun!

It's a Wookie man!, You know; Chewbaca!

Okay, here is the first of a new series I'm going to call Haloween fun. I will cover such things as recipes, costumes and liquor all to the Haloween theme.

Now Chewy may be a bit overboard, but I think we can make it out of a few simple items.

Items list:
52 Brown wigs from the dollar store,
stapler and a box of staples,
Old, long sleeved shirt (pink floyd shirts should be preserved and saved),
old sweats or tights,
your kid or wife's belt with bling bling all over it,
a full face toque and some scisors for trimming.
Wife or kids' mousse or gel, or some kinda goopy stuff to keep the hair outa yer beer!

Directions... staple the hair to the clothing and toque until covered, trim around the eyes and mouth then firm it up with mousse to keep it there. You may want to spray something over the rest of the costume to keep it from getting all static-y. Pull on the belt (over a shoulder) and you're a wookie, man!

ALTERNATIVE:
put on some of them disposable cover-alls and roll around in some syrup or something sticky, run into a hair cutting place and find the dumpster... you get the idea!

Up next mummy sausages and curdled chunk shooters!

Smiling Hank

(Picture removed to make me feel like a big man)Henry Burris, former Saskatchewan Roughriders pivot.

Why did he leave Saskatchewan? Well it would seem that some of Saskatchewans' fans border on fanatical, and after one of their players (Paul McCallum) missed a field goal attempt to cause the loss of the Western Final last year, some mouth breathers went to his home and dumped manure on his front lawn and threatened his family. These people are all either in jail or have been fined. But in the mean time the players (especially play makers like QBs) don't want to run the risk of their families or homes being attacked because of a missed play. Can you blame them?

I love Roughrider football, actually the CFL altogehter. My best time of the weekend is 1 hour before game time when I settle in forthe game with my #33 Szarka jersey on and my football in hand. I watch every minute and break only for bathroom or beer duties.

This weekend is a very important game and I will be in my regular spot on the couch Sunday and my heart will be with the 27000 at Taylor Field. In this neck of the woods, a CFL fan is rare. In this neck of the woods, a CFL superfan is more rare. That's why the West is home to me, and the fans are better than anywhere in Canada. Not because fans take it personally when their team fails. Go Riders!

There's a mug you don't wanna chug

Guess who this person is at Taylor Field! Can you guess?

Fall nostalgia

This was a post on my other blog, but there are a bunch of changes/refinements. Please read!

Mom and Dad picking potatoes for hours on fall weekends with the help of Uncle Mike, Grandpa, Grandma, And the four of us stooges. Little red truck that we all learned to drive in. The pile of brush left after the harvest that we would burn in the middle of the gargantuan garden.

With the fall weather I get all nostalgic. I remember with acuracy, the Saturdays spent in the woods with Dad and sometimes Mom lugging the winter supply of firewood back to the farm. I remember Dad lighting our noon-time campfires with only some flint and a wad of cotton. I remember coming home to take a bath and get ready for Saturday night mass, but only after the traditional Liz speacial Pizza. After church was Hockey Night in Canada, with our classic popcorn and chips. Dad's bowl was the biggest and was deep green in color, Bone's was the red one with handles so he could push his face up out of the bowl after he had passed out in it. It seems popcorn was some sort of sedative to him. One or two mouthfuls and poof. He was done.

If the game wasn't interesting enough, then a few hours looking through the Sears Christmas Wish catalogue would provide adequate entertainment.Sunday morning (if not church time)was the big breakfast and usually an afternoon football game featuring the beloved (by some) Winnipeg Blue Bombers.

Chicken coops and endless space. These are my fondest of memories.Creting a lab to develop potions in the old chick coop, where we put the new yellow chicks. Building forts and treehouses. Playing football or field hockey in the vastness that was our own backyard. A pasture with Blinkey, Peter and Paul, and for a shorter period Gypsy the horse that hated humans.

I can still picture the ditch across from the house that was used as a launch for our bicycles as we came hurdling down the road. The slough just beyond that where I used to hide my most valued treasures inside a hollowed out log near a low spot that never seemed to dry. The moisture ensured that only I would venture into the muck to retrieve my cache.

The hills near the dugout that housed and amazing amount of gophers and served as a ski hill later in the year. The old outhouse right beside the "Gulf" fuel tank where I would go in emergencies to avoid being nabbed by mother because it was "time to come in". I can see the large pasture behind the barn where me and the mechanically inclined would try to play mechanic by stripping the poor old orange harvester to bits.

I remember the old Wood fireplace on the brick corner of the floor. The dining room with the upright piano. The kitchen with the ugly Green and beige flooring tiles arranged in alternating squares. The Co-op green porch with the laundry facilities and basement stairwell. I remember a window over the washer that peered into the kitchen. I remember the veranda that was too hot in summer and too cold in winter and the old freezer full of fire wood.

The old creaky cot that was kept in there and the access to the patio where Dad had his weight bench and Barbeque in the summer. The crawlspace underneath where Pokey found our orange cat frozen stiff.

There are so many things that remind me of home, lucky for me, Fall happens every year and the memories of our youth grow fonder every one.

I hope this kind of rejuvinates some good memories in you all.

I hope some day that I can make these same kinds of memories for my own brood. But I can't imagine for the moment how any place or time on earth would ever compare to that.

Speakin Of Junior...

WANTED

(left to right) "Whiskey Jug Junior"," Killer threads Kelly", "Chick magnet Chad", "Beer Keg Kernie", "TeeTeeCoM Jonassen" and "ol' Yeller"

These men are wanted in a series of mooning incidents along the Trans-Canada highway Northbound. They can be distinguished by the fact that there are 6 of them crammed into a single cab pickup with a string of empty beer cans dragging from the back that lengthens with each mile. Most have no shirts so must be considered as dangerous since they have nothing to lose. It is likely that they will sacrifice Ol' Yeller for their goal.

Their goal as far as we know it is to arrive in Edmonton to support the Roughriders and possibly the local nightlife.

There is no reward for their capture since they will likely be put in "Commonwealth Jail" where authorities will be able to deal with them accordingly.

Look out here comes JR!

My (lucky) little brother is heading to Edmonton to watch a weekend full of sports. Most importantly the Roughriders and Eskimos. This is a significant game and a must win for both teams. The playoffs are happening early this year and Im all choked up!

Omarr Morgan is back in the lineup and Ricky Ray has no cranial damage.... yet. Just ask Dave Dickenson what the odds say in favor of a injury to the starting QB. So far ol Dave is 2 for 2 against my Riders.

So hold your hats and wait for Saturday afternoon people, we are going to the City of Champions and we're taking our 2 points home.


AMEN...

E-Bay shopping fun!

I was browsing the WWW and came across this ad for goalie equipment.

HEATON PRO 60Z GOALIE VEST IN MEN'S MEDIUM. VEST IS A PRO VEST AND OFFERS BETTER PROTECTION THAN CHEAPER VESTS. SLAP SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF THE VEST WITHOUT BEING FELT. LOW REBOUND PADDING HELPS CONTROL SHOT. IT IS FULLY ADJUSTABLE IN ARM LENGTH AND ALSO OFFERS EXCELLENT ELBOW PROTECTION. IT IS IN GOOD SHAPE AND HAS MANY GAMES LEFT IN IT.

Now, to pick apart this ad and make fun of the frankenstein looking meat-head inside it.

"MEN'S MEDIUM"... I would guess that maybe this was an item from Frankendudes' childhood but then...

"SLAP SHOTS JUST BOUNCE OFF WITHOUT BEING FELT"... Now, does anyone here think maybe the "BOUNCE" has less to do with protection and more to do with 1. the puck being afraid of him, or 2. the blue surface surrounding the vest filled with some sort of biologigal protection of its own.

"LOW REBOUND PADDING HELPS CONTROL SHOT"... Anyone want to hazard a guess as to the contributing FAcTor in the shock absorption?

"ADJUSTABLE IN ARM LENGTH AND ALSO OFFERS EXCELLENT ELBOW PROTECTION" well at least there's protection for his arms... between his upper elbow and upper forearm.

And though it has "MANY GAMES LEFT IN IT" it may also come with the big fella "LEFT IN IT" since he may not be able to take it off.

To his credit, he likely is a very succesful goal tender... I mean... would you fire a puck at this monster on purpose??

R.I.P.

Mickey 200? to 2005

It is with great sadness that we say farewell to Mickey's younger cousin, mickey. He was found lying peacefully this morning near the trash bag under the sink where he loved to chew and poop. He leaves in mourning his other cousing Jerry who lives on in the area also chewing and pooping under the sink. Funeral services were held this morning in the Sherwood Village Waste Management dumpster. The services were preformed by reverend J.C. Perreaux. Donations can be made on Mickeys' behalf to the Cheese addiction foundation of Sarnia.

Love your mommy... or else

I pitty the fool who don't Love His Momma!

Sorry, I coudn't resist. This is safe for at work viewing. Just watch the volume or you may end up with Vanilla Ice fans swarming your cubicle!

Puck Head

Had to post this because, damnit... it's funny!

GAME ON

Hockey is back and I for one have stood my ground and refuse to give in to the hype. I will not give the players the satisfaction of idolizing them or watching their games. I will not give in to the clever marketing campaigns by soft drink companies, Beer advetisements or Mars bar commercials. I mean what respect do these guys deserve after taking our beloved game from us for a year? It's obscene to think that anything will change if we simply forget about what they did to us last year.

They are placing their hopes on a few rule changes and a couble of young kids to re-energize the league, I mean give me a break, are we that feeble minded that we won't see through it?

It was purely by coincidence that Wednesday I went to a local pub drank Molson products gnawing on a Mars Bar while watching the leafs lose in an exciting, climactic shootout that broke the tie that was caused by last minute desperation penalties for obstruction. I barely noticed the crowd yelling and #88 Eric Lindros missing on a nifty snap shot over Hasek's glove hand. And if you asked me who lined up for the shootout, I'd barely be able to tell you it was:

1.Alfredson (Score)
2.Allison(Missed)
3.Havlat(Missed)
4.Lindros(Missed)
5.Heatley(Score)

Or that Sydney Crosby was seen as some sort of disapointment because he only got One assist on their only goal, while Ovechkin netted 2 for Washington.

So tonight I'll sit on my couch and fondle my Edmonton Oilers jersey and dream of a day when Hockey may again someday mean something to me.

Sorry, I need to cut this short, need to make some roster changes in my Hockey pool. Elias has Hepatitis and Micheal Ryder is still available, and he looked good last night against the Rangers... Not that I'd know.

Misfortunes of Eeyore take ???

More fun with the donkey!!!

S.O.L. wrote:

Well – let me tell you about my night. (Eeyore) finally poured himself into bed around midnight. Everything was good until BANG! I sit up, it is 1am, (He) is sitting on the floor stunned. At first I was relieved it wasn’t (Ellie-mae), then I was pissed. He sat there on the floor in all his drunken naked gracefulness for a few minutes in a daze until I finally convinced him to get up and turn on the light. Blood everywhere. I sent him to the bathroom to check it out, 10 minutes later he finally came out and headed back for bed. I said, (Eeyore) please turn the light on so I can see. He says he is fine. So I get up and turn the light on and his eye is split open. Off to the hospital we go, sleeping 2 year old in arms. Several stitches and a tetanus shot later he still is unclear about what happened. All he remembers is going to bed and then his next memory is looking in the bathroom mirror at his eye wondering how he is going to hide it from me. In reality , his drunk ass fell out of bed and he smacked his face on the cradle. He really is a Treasure…

And I saw him yesterday, that's a boney gash old man! Complete with black eye! S.O.L. doesn't give herself enough credit, she hit him way harder than a fall on a crib ever could!!

This weeks' Hero

Hey, I'd like you all to mee Elijah, you may better recognize him with a football in his hand standing in the B.C. enzone after catching (yet another) Marcus Crandell passes all game long (except that one) to lead the Saskatchewan Roughriders to another victory over a League leading football club.

I watched the game at Wheels' house and barely managed to contain my excitement (while the children slept upstairs) each time we came up with a big play. I did however dance a lot and high five Wheels.

What a game!

It was an all around great relaxing weekend and I played my first hockey game of the season. Not bad, but I am rusty.

Next weekend, Football game early Saturday (got that Wheels?). Planning to have some people over and Monday we feast on turkey and Newfy cooked Dinner... I love fall.

And for after work, I plan on going for a run with my dog and making him too tired to piss me off this evening. Or at least make me too tired to care. Ta!