Wow, that was great, 18 hits in one hour! You want Bulwer Lytton? Here ya go!
As Stan came to the realization that his sandwich was contaminated with some contemptible poison, his thoughts turned to his wife of thirty-two years and the numerous times he had recognized the same distinct taste, only not as strong as this, he thought back to the threats from her, “You're so dead” suddenly presented more of a threat, his eyes stung and his mouth frothed, he was short of breath and began to sob, as big Joe performed CPR in an atempt to save his life, Stan had the feeling that he was nearing the end, then the fact that he simply hated mustard entered his head, that clever woman had managed to do it to him again.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Bulwer-Lytton entry
OK, here is another one (of many likely), if anyone wants to post their own, here is the link to what this is all about...
Little Johnny looked back at his life and wondered if it had all been worth it, all the crass comments and one liners, tormenting teacher upon teacher, not to mention co-students, he put his head in his hands and sighed, surely this would be a dark and stormy night for little Johnny.
Little Johnny looked back at his life and wondered if it had all been worth it, all the crass comments and one liners, tormenting teacher upon teacher, not to mention co-students, he put his head in his hands and sighed, surely this would be a dark and stormy night for little Johnny.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Trip to Saskatchewan Highlights Part One
Highlight Number One
Little Brother greeting me at car door with a 6 pack of cold beer and got a visit from SLY all at once, just before we ate Mom's original ribs and rice (one of my favorites), ... Then to the bar where we tidied up the wedding plans... At the bar.
Little Brother greeting me at car door with a 6 pack of cold beer and got a visit from SLY all at once, just before we ate Mom's original ribs and rice (one of my favorites), ... Then to the bar where we tidied up the wedding plans... At the bar.
Beware the angry Bear
I have received two calls from Wife today, one was to tell me the dog is an arse hole. Like I didn't know or something. Then she proceeded to tell me the Air Conditioner is broken... Not a good thing if you're trying to sleep off a night shift while it's 40 degrees and humid outside our thin walls.
I told her to get some cheese and said arsehole will follow her down the stairs into the laundry room so she can sleep. This worked. I figured the AC would kick in in a few minutes.
Second call 45 minutes later... It's hot as hell in the house and the dog is out and running around like tag is his game of choice with the slower (more tired) Delta Female (I am Alpha, Jack is Beta, Spud is Gamma). I suggest offering the arse hole a walk or ride and attatching a leash and guiding him into the laundry room and locking the door. As for the AC, I will run home at lunch and check it out. This worked.
I entered the house at lunch to dead quiet and grotesque humid heat. I checked the usual suspects (wiring and plugs) and finally found a bunt fuse. The power glitch last night must have blown it. A changeof the old screw style fuse and away we went. Wife woke and thanked me.. she's been awake ever since. 2.5 hours of broken sweaty sleep with dog vs. Wife races...
This is a warning to all the people that work with her tonight. BE CAREFUL. I, Luckily have three hours of Groceries and cleaning before I ship her off to the office. Poor buggers!
I told her to get some cheese and said arsehole will follow her down the stairs into the laundry room so she can sleep. This worked. I figured the AC would kick in in a few minutes.
Second call 45 minutes later... It's hot as hell in the house and the dog is out and running around like tag is his game of choice with the slower (more tired) Delta Female (I am Alpha, Jack is Beta, Spud is Gamma). I suggest offering the arse hole a walk or ride and attatching a leash and guiding him into the laundry room and locking the door. As for the AC, I will run home at lunch and check it out. This worked.
I entered the house at lunch to dead quiet and grotesque humid heat. I checked the usual suspects (wiring and plugs) and finally found a bunt fuse. The power glitch last night must have blown it. A changeof the old screw style fuse and away we went. Wife woke and thanked me.. she's been awake ever since. 2.5 hours of broken sweaty sleep with dog vs. Wife races...
This is a warning to all the people that work with her tonight. BE CAREFUL. I, Luckily have three hours of Groceries and cleaning before I ship her off to the office. Poor buggers!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Welcome back
Since my return from the beautiful prairies, The following things happened:
My buddy moved all but a few heavy items into his new place, which we had decided to do July 1st, but finished on Sunday in the cool morning air... Not a bad thing...
My old boss moved into an office with a window overlooking my back... subsequently I was moved into a completely different cubicle just out of his sight... Not a bad thing
All the contents of his old office were "stored" in my new cubicle... Spent all day cleaning out garbage... Not a bad thing...
My beautiful green grass has turned yellow and sickly... No watering or rain for a week... Bad but not terrible...
My dog shit his cage right out two days ago after polluting the kitchen floor, once again increasing my love of laminate flooring... Bad but tolerable...
Played baseball and won (quite convincingly) against the local cops... Good thing...
Riders "spanked" the Blue Bombers, and looked great doing so... Fan-tastic thing...
Realized long weekend coming up and it's already 3:30 on Tuesday... I'm Giddy...
Realized that absence really makes the heart grow fonder... Fabulous thing...
So I am in my office finally dug out of the crud that was dumped on me and I have received word that July will be a busy month for me. Already planning a trip home for winter. It's been a while since I enjoyed my self so much at home. May need to get a cottage there!
My buddy moved all but a few heavy items into his new place, which we had decided to do July 1st, but finished on Sunday in the cool morning air... Not a bad thing...
My old boss moved into an office with a window overlooking my back... subsequently I was moved into a completely different cubicle just out of his sight... Not a bad thing
All the contents of his old office were "stored" in my new cubicle... Spent all day cleaning out garbage... Not a bad thing...
My beautiful green grass has turned yellow and sickly... No watering or rain for a week... Bad but not terrible...
My dog shit his cage right out two days ago after polluting the kitchen floor, once again increasing my love of laminate flooring... Bad but tolerable...
Played baseball and won (quite convincingly) against the local cops... Good thing...
Riders "spanked" the Blue Bombers, and looked great doing so... Fan-tastic thing...
Realized long weekend coming up and it's already 3:30 on Tuesday... I'm Giddy...
Realized that absence really makes the heart grow fonder... Fabulous thing...
So I am in my office finally dug out of the crud that was dumped on me and I have received word that July will be a busy month for me. Already planning a trip home for winter. It's been a while since I enjoyed my self so much at home. May need to get a cottage there!
Monday, June 27, 2005
Baby come back
Latest from the liver
"Dear JIM, I have spent the past week talking with others in our special situation, for some reason there has been an increase in the number of us who have left our dwellings in an abusive surrounding lately. I have learned that there were special circumstances that prompted your (and other) outbursts.
It seems that Freuhauf, Sly and Zed also have been left, for much the same reason as you were. We discussed the days that lead up to our leaving and have agreed that you guys just don't know how to treat us, so to make it up to us, we want the following:
Written Apologies
More attention
Dates to fancy restaurants that serve Iron rich foods
Promises of no more (extensive) abuse.
We are awaiting your replies. Since the Post office won't give us our own mailbox, you may all reply below. Any support from your friends and family will greatly help your chances.
Ollie and friends"
"Dear JIM, I have spent the past week talking with others in our special situation, for some reason there has been an increase in the number of us who have left our dwellings in an abusive surrounding lately. I have learned that there were special circumstances that prompted your (and other) outbursts.
It seems that Freuhauf, Sly and Zed also have been left, for much the same reason as you were. We discussed the days that lead up to our leaving and have agreed that you guys just don't know how to treat us, so to make it up to us, we want the following:
Written Apologies
More attention
Dates to fancy restaurants that serve Iron rich foods
Promises of no more (extensive) abuse.
We are awaiting your replies. Since the Post office won't give us our own mailbox, you may all reply below. Any support from your friends and family will greatly help your chances.
Ollie and friends"
Wonder Dumper
I awoke this morning to the words “Jackal shit on the floor… Explosively”. I tried to ignore my wife’s pleas to get me on the job, but I was resigned to the fact that she had to work an hour before me and was running late. What a mess, it was positively disgusting.
I don’t know what triggered this latest attack, but the poor bugger had to be empty this morning. He ate a lot more than usual, but it was his normal dry food, Maybe it was too much for his system, maybe he had a bug… Maybe it was revenge of a much more vindictive nature. In any case, he will not be roaming free until I am sure he has celared up… not that way.
I don’t know what triggered this latest attack, but the poor bugger had to be empty this morning. He ate a lot more than usual, but it was his normal dry food, Maybe it was too much for his system, maybe he had a bug… Maybe it was revenge of a much more vindictive nature. In any case, he will not be roaming free until I am sure he has celared up… not that way.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Open letter to my Liver
Dear Liver (Ollie)
I know I have mistreated you recently, and you have no reason to believe that I want to change, but I need you to live.
It was a bad spell of continuing assaults on you that made you leave. I feel like a part of me is missing. I can't promise that it won't happen again, but I think we can be stronger, with this time you have spent away from me. I need you back.
I promise not to drink anything I can't spell, and I agree that three days of non-stop partying took it's toll on our relationship, but we can be better, I promise. Golfing should be something we can do together without errupting into a back and forth seeing how much abuse, each other can take.
In closing I have left your spot in me open if you choose to return. If you don't come back soon, I may need to move on with my life with another, I know this is harsh, but I need my life too.
Yours truly,
JIM
I know I have mistreated you recently, and you have no reason to believe that I want to change, but I need you to live.
It was a bad spell of continuing assaults on you that made you leave. I feel like a part of me is missing. I can't promise that it won't happen again, but I think we can be stronger, with this time you have spent away from me. I need you back.
I promise not to drink anything I can't spell, and I agree that three days of non-stop partying took it's toll on our relationship, but we can be better, I promise. Golfing should be something we can do together without errupting into a back and forth seeing how much abuse, each other can take.
In closing I have left your spot in me open if you choose to return. If you don't come back soon, I may need to move on with my life with another, I know this is harsh, but I need my life too.
Yours truly,
JIM
Monday, June 20, 2005
The stag party Debacle, episode two
Okay, not that it took me three days to recover, but I realize that I'm late. Apologies.
The trip was as fun as I would have expected. Bum darts was the passtime of choice on the bus, and the driver took it upon himself to increase the degree of dificulty by almost putting us in the ditch while making the "walk". In brandon, Sly got chewed on my people contributing their 1$ per lifesaver that was attached to his skirt. Very funny. It was my job to make sure the groom behaved and didn't get to far gone. I did a real good job... Guaranteed.
The wedding was awesome. I had more fun than at any other wedding in my life. All my friends were there and we partied until the gift opening the following day... Noonish. We sat around the kiddie pool and drank a few cases. When I realized all I had eaten in two days was a bun and some roast beef cold cuts, I realized It was going to be a long night. It was.
Today I will drink only water and Iced tea in an effort to get my blood from type "Molson" to B or A or whatever it should be.
The trip was as fun as I would have expected. Bum darts was the passtime of choice on the bus, and the driver took it upon himself to increase the degree of dificulty by almost putting us in the ditch while making the "walk". In brandon, Sly got chewed on my people contributing their 1$ per lifesaver that was attached to his skirt. Very funny. It was my job to make sure the groom behaved and didn't get to far gone. I did a real good job... Guaranteed.
The wedding was awesome. I had more fun than at any other wedding in my life. All my friends were there and we partied until the gift opening the following day... Noonish. We sat around the kiddie pool and drank a few cases. When I realized all I had eaten in two days was a bun and some roast beef cold cuts, I realized It was going to be a long night. It was.
Today I will drink only water and Iced tea in an effort to get my blood from type "Molson" to B or A or whatever it should be.
I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish...
Fishing... 6PM... I caught nothing... Sly gets two big Jackfish... Feeling skunked... Timmah catches three... I'm New SOL... Wait... Bite... YUP got me a MARLIN... Or Maybe a fish... Tiny Pickerel surfaces, then two, then three... Sly gets award for first, i get most consecutive... Lady beside me says she can't believe I can still type... More later... Or maybe even later... Silverfox comment????????
Thursday, June 16, 2005
The stag party Debacle, episode one
Today is the last party day of my buddies life as he knows it. He's gettin hitched. Tonight we are taking him on a whirlwind tour in a schoolbus loaded with 20 people and a couple of kegs. This is going to get messy. Ladies night at 3 bars in Brandon seems like an obvious target, and the night cap will be at the Redvers Hotel. Later, We will find some way of humiliating the poor guy and somehow incorporate his wife, just for a pinch of shame. Good Times.
I will make notes on the events and report post hate to you all, because I know you're dying to know! Me too at this point!
I will make notes on the events and report post hate to you all, because I know you're dying to know! Me too at this point!
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Sweet home amabama
I have been home for 2 hours, I have had 4 beer, 5 ribs, a pound of Mama's patented baked rice and belched to my pallet's delight for the past 20 minutes. It's good to be home.
The trip was uneventful, bu Jackal has a pile of admirers in Winnipeg and here at home. Not like he didn't have a following in Sarnia!
So many memories... More later...
The trip was uneventful, bu Jackal has a pile of admirers in Winnipeg and here at home. Not like he didn't have a following in Sarnia!
So many memories... More later...
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Bad News Bears
We played ball last night against the only other undefeated team in our league (we are the other one). The field was swamp-like, the batter's box was a muck hole and it seemed that our gloves were too small. Not to mention out bats.
Looking back I tried to think about what role I played in our demise. Well first off, I missed 2 pop flies (one diving, yes it likely did look ridiculous), a few grounders and one of my throws went about 7 feet over the cut-off man's head. As badly as I played, I played a minor role in the loss. I can't think of a single guy that played his normal game. We plain sucked.
Here's a list of the best excuses from after the game.
The light was in my eye.
The ball was wet.
My feet slipped.
The pitch was more of a lob.
I got under it.
Or Eeyore's contribution... We just suck.
In any case we didn't even get close. It never looked like we were going to rally, and the game ended in a 20 + point deficit. I did, however, drink about 4 beer, Which was the TSN highlight of the night.
Looking back I tried to think about what role I played in our demise. Well first off, I missed 2 pop flies (one diving, yes it likely did look ridiculous), a few grounders and one of my throws went about 7 feet over the cut-off man's head. As badly as I played, I played a minor role in the loss. I can't think of a single guy that played his normal game. We plain sucked.
Here's a list of the best excuses from after the game.
The light was in my eye.
The ball was wet.
My feet slipped.
The pitch was more of a lob.
I got under it.
Or Eeyore's contribution... We just suck.
In any case we didn't even get close. It never looked like we were going to rally, and the game ended in a 20 + point deficit. I did, however, drink about 4 beer, Which was the TSN highlight of the night.
Monday, June 13, 2005
My IQ is Huge
I took a short Internet IQ test to day and scored a 131, which means diddly-poo to me. It says I am a visual mathematician. I guess this means I like to look at pretty patterns and dissemble them into a more coherent form... Or maybe it means I know doddly-poo about anything not numbers. In any case I scored 131, and I prefer not to know where I stand against the general populus.
All I know is; a man who buys his wife exercise equipment for an anniversary present, can't stack up well against the rest of the world. I'm not very bright.
All I know is; a man who buys his wife exercise equipment for an anniversary present, can't stack up well against the rest of the world. I'm not very bright.
What a weekend
Good times, and Barbeque. Thank goodness we have friends with pools. 45... Not my European shoe size... Not my extension number. Decrees celsius. I looked at my inboard thermometer (car) and when the number 37 displayed, my jaw dropped. On the radio the temperature was adjusted with the humidity, (summer's equivalent to "wind chill") 45 degrees folks. That's crazy.
The goofy stories from Friday were a ton of fun. Gonna have to do that again. In the wasteland of my mind, those things are easier to come up with than Canadian quarters at a US toll booth.
The goofy stories from Friday were a ton of fun. Gonna have to do that again. In the wasteland of my mind, those things are easier to come up with than Canadian quarters at a US toll booth.
Friday, June 10, 2005
A Litany of Bulwer-Lytton
My collection of Bulwer Lytton-esque narratives.
What is Bulwer Lytton?
Humbling by condiment
A sobering look at Little Johnny's life
Sarge
Going down and Bruce smells retribution
Find your Happy place
Jake's Past
Marcy Falls
Callipygian
Mouth piece
Bill's Quandary
What is Bulwer Lytton?
Humbling by condiment
A sobering look at Little Johnny's life
Sarge
Going down and Bruce smells retribution
Find your Happy place
Jake's Past
Marcy Falls
Callipygian
Mouth piece
Bill's Quandary
Worst Story beginning ever...
I received an e-mail from "Streak" this morning, it contained a link to the site with the results of a contest held every year with, for it's goal:
The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.
Here is a favorite of mine:
She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.
Now that's litterature!
In the spirit of these awards I challenge any of my readers to post their "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest" entries for 2005.
I can start, if I must...
With the shade drawn Bruce thought back to a time where the sun felt nice, and the purpose of freon was to cool meat and perishables. Then with a jingle of keys at the door his focus soon turned to the task at hand; He quickly made his way to the bathroom window through which he had entered only minutes before and climbed out. The air conditioner he had uninstalled would not submit to the forceful pulling and would be left behind. Bruce quickly leaned inside and stole all the buttons and dials from the unit and forcefully removed the cord. He walked away from that mortuary, satisfied that the people inside would be slightly uncomfortable for the amount of time they spent in the washroom, if not for the heat, then for the stench that rose from it.
Well that's my stab at it. Plug away folks! For some inspiration I give you "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results 2004" Enjoy!
The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels.
Here is a favorite of mine:
She resolved to end the love affair with Ramon tonight . . . summarily, like Martha Stewart ripping the sand vein out of a shrimp's tail . . . though the term "love affair" now struck her as a ridiculous euphemism . . . not unlike "sand vein," which is after all an intestine, not a vein . . . and that tarry substance inside certainly isn't sand . . . and that brought her back to Ramon.
Now that's litterature!
In the spirit of these awards I challenge any of my readers to post their "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest" entries for 2005.
I can start, if I must...
With the shade drawn Bruce thought back to a time where the sun felt nice, and the purpose of freon was to cool meat and perishables. Then with a jingle of keys at the door his focus soon turned to the task at hand; He quickly made his way to the bathroom window through which he had entered only minutes before and climbed out. The air conditioner he had uninstalled would not submit to the forceful pulling and would be left behind. Bruce quickly leaned inside and stole all the buttons and dials from the unit and forcefully removed the cord. He walked away from that mortuary, satisfied that the people inside would be slightly uncomfortable for the amount of time they spent in the washroom, if not for the heat, then for the stench that rose from it.
Well that's my stab at it. Plug away folks! For some inspiration I give you "Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest results 2004" Enjoy!
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I'm in
I have managed to slide under the radar undetected... Looks like I may stay here for the full 4 months of my assignment... Plan on handcuffing self to desk in effort to extend stay... Not necessary until September... Check in for posts titled "my brave stand against the forces that be" in sept...
Operation "look busy" was a complete failure... Actually had to do work... Will try again Friday... Note to self, get Garfield answering message for my system... More later...
Operation "look busy" was a complete failure... Actually had to do work... Will try again Friday... Note to self, get Garfield answering message for my system... More later...
Notes to self
Note to self:
Running to Bill's for sandwich no longer feasable... 30 minute lunch break... !0 minute wait time... 10 minute return walk... Can't even taste it as I wolf it down... Might as well stick with PB and J.
The day is going well. Doing a little re-cap of all the system I have learned to now. Still no sign of complaining and moaning co-workers, I'm starting to miss it... Not. I have been informed that my attire, though stylish in nature, should be ironed before wear. Damn.
Highlight of the week. I got here this morning and placed my name plate on the doorway to my cube. I'm so cool. Hope this one doesn't get defaced as it did in the old building. Mr. Butthead doesn't have as nice of a ring to it (Thanks Eeyore).
Weekend fast approaching and I hope to spend it in Ellie-Mae's pool! Drinking Eeyore's beer and diving for pennies. Depending on what he's up to. Two days of work next week and off the the beautiful flats of my dear home. Even I will have a hard time losing a golf ball!
Damn, Old Super is here yacking, ..... Must.... Resist..... Urge to ......... Maim.........
More later...
Running to Bill's for sandwich no longer feasable... 30 minute lunch break... !0 minute wait time... 10 minute return walk... Can't even taste it as I wolf it down... Might as well stick with PB and J.
The day is going well. Doing a little re-cap of all the system I have learned to now. Still no sign of complaining and moaning co-workers, I'm starting to miss it... Not. I have been informed that my attire, though stylish in nature, should be ironed before wear. Damn.
Highlight of the week. I got here this morning and placed my name plate on the doorway to my cube. I'm so cool. Hope this one doesn't get defaced as it did in the old building. Mr. Butthead doesn't have as nice of a ring to it (Thanks Eeyore).
Weekend fast approaching and I hope to spend it in Ellie-Mae's pool! Drinking Eeyore's beer and diving for pennies. Depending on what he's up to. Two days of work next week and off the the beautiful flats of my dear home. Even I will have a hard time losing a golf ball!
Damn, Old Super is here yacking, ..... Must.... Resist..... Urge to ......... Maim.........
More later...
Day three
Day ended with more knowledge... Starting to get hang of... Like new job... People here actually happy and there is a minimum of "union" issues... Like relaxed atmosphere... Not as frustrated, Miss SMIS is teaching Jim well... Like she has taught knuckleheads before... Eh Eeyore???
Review past days of shorthand... Realization... Should get Streak to show how to do right... Calais sidestep "Notes From Abroad" remains clear in mind... Perhaps Streak would like shot at being occasional poster on site, and doing short form properly??? Or maybe combine talents of all "Gapper" family to cover politics, Humour, Humour, Humour and Junior's specialty... ... ... ... ... Me either...
Day 4, Pretty much on own for day... Customizing area... Remove extra file cabinet and install more "Blue boxes"... No bullies so far... No worry mom... Still have lunch money... If trouble Su-Z-Q protective like bear... In good hands... More later... Haha, remembered spoon... Yogurt for breakfast...
Review past days of shorthand... Realization... Should get Streak to show how to do right... Calais sidestep "Notes From Abroad" remains clear in mind... Perhaps Streak would like shot at being occasional poster on site, and doing short form properly??? Or maybe combine talents of all "Gapper" family to cover politics, Humour, Humour, Humour and Junior's specialty... ... ... ... ... Me either...
Day 4, Pretty much on own for day... Customizing area... Remove extra file cabinet and install more "Blue boxes"... No bullies so far... No worry mom... Still have lunch money... If trouble Su-Z-Q protective like bear... In good hands... More later... Haha, remembered spoon... Yogurt for breakfast...
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Day Three, the mud thins
New teacher lady (Miss SMIS)... Clearer answers... I can now answer question "So what do you do there?"... Like the job so far... Can actually accomplish some things... Miss SMIS gone for coffee (apple doesn't fall far...)... Expect to be pro by 4 PM... Gum chewing bumblebee lady gone for now... Boss lady says I can customize tasks.. Thank god... Blue box been renamed to "File 66"... Will grow very fond of File 66... To do pile dwindling, and computer favorites populated... Happy Gapper going strong... Damn forgot spoon again... Yogurt for snack substituted for Doritos from snack box... PB and J for lunch again... Good book and bench next to river on the agenda... More later...
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Day two, the wreck-oning
Eyes so heavy... teacher lady is very boring... Work habits could be set to music... Flight of the bumblebee for no pattern or concentration... Freeze Frame for Moments of intense concentration... Resembles meltdown... Might take up smoking... Longer and more bountiful breaks... One hour left here, then back to old spot to do some Overtime... Work Work Work... Must go, 3:00 Joggers passing by soon... Did I mention great view...
Day two... Part deux
Have rediscovered dislike for gum... Teacher Lady chews like bovine and the smell is stomach turning... Half day gone, learned very little... Visions of my old post enter my mind... I love it here... Can't wait to be able to do job myself... Have been hinted at about new oppertunity opening... Might make this a permanent thing... Maybe... Office dynamic is much more tolerable... Eeyore Mother in law very sweet... Jim feels right at home... It seems Superintendant that had JIM "removed" some time ago will be new neighbor... Shoots... Actually occupying Office behind mt pre fab walls with only window facing into my cube... Shoots... Will devise plan to relocate or formulate noxious gas to emit into his area... Problem solved... Beans for lunch every day as of July 1... That'll learn em... More Later...
Day two
Fedalog, day two... Teacher Lady trying to explain her years and years to JIM... Jim just wants to roll up sleeves and go... Teacher Lady not keen on Gapper system of learning... Gapper gets new teach tomorrow... To make matters worse, system my new job based on not working... Coffee time comes fast over here and lasts long time... 9:30 (only been here one hour) Coffee time... Teacher Lady advises she will be back in 30... Jim will try to cope with ample spare time... Wonder if I will ever learn new job... Maybe just go for coffee with people so it looks like I belong... Inbox piled high, Jim can't look at anymore... Blue box looking like good alternative... More later...
Monday, June 06, 2005
New Diggs
Sitting at new desk... Nice view of River... Lots of nice ladies around me... Men are subdued and quiet... Women are loud and boisterous (spell?)...
Feel like "The new guy" all over again... Lunch time now... Dumb dumb forgot fork for salad... Used hands... Not as yummy... Forgot dressing aswell... Peanut butter and jelly tomorrow...
Have feeling that this job is tougher... Teacher lady knows job entirely too well... Teacher lady knows nothing of teaching... Very Confused... But can drift off to view of Sarnia Harbour any time... Sweet...
Boss lady nice, but retiring shortly... Too bad, seems nice... Eeyore mama going to train me in few days... Jim worried, but confident... Secret of JIM's "dumbness" to be uncovered by family...
Eeyore Mother in law two cubicles down... Jim in good hands... More later...
Feel like "The new guy" all over again... Lunch time now... Dumb dumb forgot fork for salad... Used hands... Not as yummy... Forgot dressing aswell... Peanut butter and jelly tomorrow...
Have feeling that this job is tougher... Teacher lady knows job entirely too well... Teacher lady knows nothing of teaching... Very Confused... But can drift off to view of Sarnia Harbour any time... Sweet...
Boss lady nice, but retiring shortly... Too bad, seems nice... Eeyore mama going to train me in few days... Jim worried, but confident... Secret of JIM's "dumbness" to be uncovered by family...
Eeyore Mother in law two cubicles down... Jim in good hands... More later...
Thursday, June 02, 2005
How you feelin?
24 degrees and sunny. I hate to think of how my wife (who sits in front of an air conditioner while drying her hair) is coping with the heat as she tries to sleep off a night shift.
We once lived in a 3rd florr of an apartment building in eastern ontario, where the temperature indoors was always about 10 degrees above the outside temp. We had a portable air conditioner that could barely cool a 10 by 10 room. I was into running and working out and the heat likely was to be credited for my weight loss. It was hot hot hot.
My wife is an East coaster and they don't know 30 degrees C and humid? 20 is normal, and pleasantly dry. Ontario was like hell to her in that way, it was hot enough to keep her secluded in the bed room (10 by 10 space as it happens) in front of the air conditioner. Poor thing.
She doesn't realize it but she has become much more "climatized".
I however am stuck in an office building listening to REM on a internet radio station that is boasting their location today is on a patio at a bar.
Forecast for the weekend? 26 to 30 and no rain expected. Sweet. Forecast for me, lawn care, BBQ and beer.
Relationships 2k5
Even non-Geeks could relate to this one.
Recently, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it is a memory hog and leaves very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, but Wife 1.0 installs itself in such a way that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all the other system activity.
He is finding that some other applications like PokerNight 10.3,BeerBash 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all; crashing the system when selected, even though they worked fine before. At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Betarelease.
Additionally, system performance seems to diminish with each day passing. Some features he would like to see in the upcoming WIFE 2.0:
1) A "Do Not Remind Me Again" button.
2) A "Minimize" button.
3) An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of Cache and other system resources.
4) An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I have however decided to avoid all of these headaches associated with Wife 1.0 and have decided to stick with Girlfriend 2.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems:
Apparantly you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must first uninstall Girlfriend 1.0. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. You would think they have fixed such a bug by now.
To make matters worse; the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 does not work very well and tends to leave undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks;
all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife1.0. No feature is provided where one could disable these message pop-ups.
Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug: If you try to install Mistress 1.1before uninstalling Wife 1.0, then Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files before automatically uninstalling.
Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources.
Bug workaround
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Recently, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that it is a memory hog and leaves very little system resources for other applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, but Wife 1.0 installs itself in such a way that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all the other system activity.
He is finding that some other applications like PokerNight 10.3,BeerBash 2.5 and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all; crashing the system when selected, even though they worked fine before. At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Betarelease.
Additionally, system performance seems to diminish with each day passing. Some features he would like to see in the upcoming WIFE 2.0:
1) A "Do Not Remind Me Again" button.
2) A "Minimize" button.
3) An install shield feature that allows Wife 2.0 to be installed with the option to uninstall at any time without the loss of Cache and other system resources.
4) An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow the system's hardware probe feature to be much more useful.
I have however decided to avoid all of these headaches associated with Wife 1.0 and have decided to stick with Girlfriend 2.0 Even here, however, I have found many problems:
Apparantly you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of Girlfriend 1.0. You must first uninstall Girlfriend 1.0. Other users say this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of. You would think they have fixed such a bug by now.
To make matters worse; the uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 does not work very well and tends to leave undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another thing that sucks;
all versions of Girlfriend continually pop-up annoying little messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife1.0. No feature is provided where one could disable these message pop-ups.
Bug warning
Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug: If you try to install Mistress 1.1before uninstalling Wife 1.0, then Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files before automatically uninstalling.
Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient system resources.
Bug workaround
To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0. Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Thoughts of the day, number three
What’s the deal with tires; propels a car nicely but they’re always wearing down, getting flats. I think the way to go is by flying everywhere. Except if they lose the part that propels the plane, you probably wouldn’t be able to read my Blog anymore, and that would be bad.
Thoughts of the day, number two
Why would you want to live in Las Vegas. It’s the desert, I could understand if you liked gambling or had a restaurant or a business, or you worked there or had a family that owned a business or worked there or something. Oh.
Thoughts of the day, number one
It had been weeks since an original, funny thought entered his head.
He contemplated doing a story from the point of view of a blade of grass located in his lawn; the trials and tribulations of climbing, growing towards the sun, only to have the “Giant” come along with some toxicant spewing motorized blade to take him down to a length, that, thank the good lord, was just above his reproductive organs.
But that would be silly.
He contemplated doing a story from the point of view of a blade of grass located in his lawn; the trials and tribulations of climbing, growing towards the sun, only to have the “Giant” come along with some toxicant spewing motorized blade to take him down to a length, that, thank the good lord, was just above his reproductive organs.
But that would be silly.
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