You might think after purchasing his $38 million oceanfront estate in Florida, Tiger Woods now officially has everything he could possibly ever need.
Wrong. I just thought of one more.
Me.
Tiger's new pad comes with a beach house and two guesthouses.
If a place ever screamed for a Kato Kaelin, this was it.
And Tiger, I don't want to be your Yoko, but I could be your Kato.
Just think what I could do for you Woody!
(Woody, apparently, is Tiger's nickname for himself. He muttered it twice after errant tee-shots at the Buick this past weekend. As in, "C'mon Woody!" This amuses me more than you will ever know. I came up with 27 different lines, all of which I can only use on HBO.)
Need someone to take Privacy, your 155-foot yacht, out for a spin while you're on the road, just to keep her running smooth?
I'm your guy!
And when the paparazzi get too close, I'll get up off the deck, put down my martini, and moon 'em.
Which will be relatively, simple, since I will be sunbathing nude.
Elin needs a massage? I'm there. Better yet, Elin needs a body to practise on for her masseuse course (She is Swedish...It's the equivalent of mandatory military service for them, isn't it?)
I'm there!
"Ohhh...That's gooooood...Ellie-Honey...but...a little less oil on the right buttock...you know my skin breaks out!"
Need someone to mow the 10 acres your estate lies on, stretching from the Atlantic Ocean all the way to the Intra-Coastal Waterway? I'm the guy...to hire someone to take care of that.
And when your new neighbor Celine Dion drops by? I know, I know. I'll have the Rottweilers ready.
Look Woody (That gets me every time), I'm perfect for this gig. I was born to be a Kato. I'll pick up Taco Bell for you. I'll play you at Madden. I'll make fun of Mickelson's body.
Heck, I'll even polish the Claret Jug. (Then chug out of it when my buddies drop by for poker night).
Granted, I'm not the typical houseboy, you know...with three kids and all. But hey, you did marry a nanny! She needs something to do while you're jetting around the planet winning Johnnie Walker Classics.
"Daddy, can Elin give me a bath again tonight, pleeeaaaaase!"
Plus, I'm not exactly a stranger. When I interviewed you last year after you won The British, you called me "Homeslice" during our post-interview banter.
Sure, the lingo made me feel like I was talking to Rerun on "What's Happening!"
But whatever. The point is, we're tight.
And that's key. Because you'll need new peeps. At Isleworth, your former home near Orlando, you had your best buddy Mark O'Meara, plus Shaq and Griffey and the boys.
Who are you going hang with in West Palm Beach? Ted Kennedy?
West Palm is Viagraville. Guys use golf carts...to get to the bathroom. I believe Old Tom Morris has a place there. Joan Rivers is Maxim material in West Palm.
Now don't get me wrong, Tiger. This isn't some man-crush. I don't want to be your fishin' buddy in a, you know, Brokeback Mountain kind of way. (Which reminds me, this is always good for a laugh: Tell your Grampa, or maybe your Dad if he's not really up on things, that there's a great new western out he has to see: a real Eastwood-type, with bad-guys and shoot-em-ups. Then send him to Brokeback Mountain. Good times!)
I just figured you could really use a hand.
C'mon Woody! Nothing is handier than a houseboy. Just look at how well things worked out for Kato and O...
Oh crap...forget I said that.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Chill out
So I get home last night and I have a message on my machine. Mommy thinks I have athsma, she sounded either mad or sobbing.
I do not have athsma, not here nor there
I do not have athsma anywhere
Not in the house
Or on the street
Not when I run fast
Or when I eat.
Not when I get nervous
Or eat home made pickles
Not when I go swimming
Or give Jackal Tickles...
Ok I'm done. Take my BS with a grain of salt, and wash it down with buckleys.
I do not have athsma, not here nor there
I do not have athsma anywhere
Not in the house
Or on the street
Not when I run fast
Or when I eat.
Not when I get nervous
Or eat home made pickles
Not when I go swimming
Or give Jackal Tickles...
Ok I'm done. Take my BS with a grain of salt, and wash it down with buckleys.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Dear Mommy
Dear Mom,
Things are great here in Sarnia. The factories have been billowing out a lot more black stuff than usual, it's something to see, in fact on my way to the pharmacy to get the athsma medicine my doctor prescribed me, the moonlight was shining through it and kind of looked like the Northern lights from back home!
My apartment is great, I am finally settled in. It took me a while to figure out where to put things, since each time I would put them where I thought I wanted them they would slide across the place and end up piled at one end of the house where my bedroom is. It's a tough walk back up to the kitchen with the stove, but I figure once it's plugged in, it should stay close to the where I want it.
Jackal is adjusting well to the place, he's been trying to help me set up by pre-ripping my toilet paper. He's so silly, he doesn't know that I can't use those tiny pieces and I definitely can't reach them from the toilet since he spreads it all over the house. I don't have the heart to tell him I just keep throwing it out.
Hockey is still fun, they play a game with me where I have to guess where they're going to shoot by pointing with my glove. They try hard but mostly they aim at the middle of the net, lucky for me I am usually standing there and it just hits me in the... well you know. Those guys are getting better though sometimes I point at my head and they get me right in the forehead!
Single life is okay and I'm not sure if I'm ready to start dating yet. Crazy Charlie from the laundromat says he'll set me up with his sister, he told me she's the "sweetest piece of ass this side of Lambton", but I guess he's joking, he loves her very much, he's always trying to hug and kiss her.
Anyways, I should get started on supper. Last night I was microwaving a potato and fell asleep right beside it on the bed. Good thing the dryer buzzer went off at the foot of the bed or I might have missed supper!
Love,
JIM
Things are great here in Sarnia. The factories have been billowing out a lot more black stuff than usual, it's something to see, in fact on my way to the pharmacy to get the athsma medicine my doctor prescribed me, the moonlight was shining through it and kind of looked like the Northern lights from back home!
My apartment is great, I am finally settled in. It took me a while to figure out where to put things, since each time I would put them where I thought I wanted them they would slide across the place and end up piled at one end of the house where my bedroom is. It's a tough walk back up to the kitchen with the stove, but I figure once it's plugged in, it should stay close to the where I want it.
Jackal is adjusting well to the place, he's been trying to help me set up by pre-ripping my toilet paper. He's so silly, he doesn't know that I can't use those tiny pieces and I definitely can't reach them from the toilet since he spreads it all over the house. I don't have the heart to tell him I just keep throwing it out.
Hockey is still fun, they play a game with me where I have to guess where they're going to shoot by pointing with my glove. They try hard but mostly they aim at the middle of the net, lucky for me I am usually standing there and it just hits me in the... well you know. Those guys are getting better though sometimes I point at my head and they get me right in the forehead!
Single life is okay and I'm not sure if I'm ready to start dating yet. Crazy Charlie from the laundromat says he'll set me up with his sister, he told me she's the "sweetest piece of ass this side of Lambton", but I guess he's joking, he loves her very much, he's always trying to hug and kiss her.
Anyways, I should get started on supper. Last night I was microwaving a potato and fell asleep right beside it on the bed. Good thing the dryer buzzer went off at the foot of the bed or I might have missed supper!
Love,
JIM
Ouch
In a slightly surreal twist of fate, Jacob Zeus suffered a torn MCL the same day I published the "I Thought I Had It Bad" post. The 63.5 KG (139.7 LB) Chocolate Lab slipped and his right leg sort of "Bambied" on him severing the ligament. Zeus being the good sport that he is simply adjusted to use one hind leg to get around and spent the night sleeping on the floor alongside his Buddy Eeyore.
So I felt like an arse hole.
In other Eeyore and S.O.L. news they are moving to a new place in the North end, the only problem was that their insurance dudes were weary to insure a house with Aluminum wiring, a quick evaluation of the place turned up the fact that for only $30,000.00 they could change it to copper wiring.
These things compounded by the fact that poor little Ellie-Mae spent a night in hospital for breathing difficulty and the sheer hassle of selling their home made for a tough week for the donkey and his clan, but as always their resillience shows in times of trouble. I guess they're used to it or something!
So I felt like an arse hole.
In other Eeyore and S.O.L. news they are moving to a new place in the North end, the only problem was that their insurance dudes were weary to insure a house with Aluminum wiring, a quick evaluation of the place turned up the fact that for only $30,000.00 they could change it to copper wiring.
These things compounded by the fact that poor little Ellie-Mae spent a night in hospital for breathing difficulty and the sheer hassle of selling their home made for a tough week for the donkey and his clan, but as always their resillience shows in times of trouble. I guess they're used to it or something!
Monday, January 23, 2006
I thought I had it bad
From CNN a book about the worst dog on the planet.
Well sir, I know of a contender. His name: Jacob Zeus, He's the Brown Chocolate Labrador weighing in at a modest 130 pounds, standing about the height of your couch arm (torso only) with a head the size of a 10 lb bowling ball.
He's been kicked out of obedience school twice, can pull a small truck if he felt like it (I've attempted to walk the sonofabitch), and if he gets outside behind you... he gone!
But shits himself at the sight of garden hoses, strange men, storms, vacuum cleaners. S.O.L. would vouch for the fact that he is very protective and territorial, only because one time a strange man came to do some repair work and Jacob decided to Mark S.O.L. as his own.
As for interrupting intimate encounters, neither Eeyore and S.O.L. would have to testify to that fact. Though Eeyore would be quick to point out the constant smile on his wife's face (whether she is smiling or not).
But pound for pound I'd give the edge to Marley because Jacob Zeus doesn't get into as many things he is not supposed to.
Doesn't he look innocent? (the big one be Jacob, Hope is the Black one and she is polar opposite)
Well sir, I know of a contender. His name: Jacob Zeus, He's the Brown Chocolate Labrador weighing in at a modest 130 pounds, standing about the height of your couch arm (torso only) with a head the size of a 10 lb bowling ball.
He's been kicked out of obedience school twice, can pull a small truck if he felt like it (I've attempted to walk the sonofabitch), and if he gets outside behind you... he gone!
But shits himself at the sight of garden hoses, strange men, storms, vacuum cleaners. S.O.L. would vouch for the fact that he is very protective and territorial, only because one time a strange man came to do some repair work and Jacob decided to Mark S.O.L. as his own.
As for interrupting intimate encounters, neither Eeyore and S.O.L. would have to testify to that fact. Though Eeyore would be quick to point out the constant smile on his wife's face (whether she is smiling or not).
But pound for pound I'd give the edge to Marley because Jacob Zeus doesn't get into as many things he is not supposed to.
Doesn't he look innocent? (the big one be Jacob, Hope is the Black one and she is polar opposite)
B-Gone
University students offered B-minus to stay away
University of Prince Edward Island lecturer makes no excuses for offering students a 70 to not show up for his course. But the administration gives his deal a failing grade.
David Weale said he made the offer because the class is too big and some students aren't interested in being there. About 20 – out of a class of nearly 100 – took him up on it, he said.
The course is in the history of Christianity.
If I would have gotten 70s for every course I skipped in school, I would have had a 70% average!
University of Prince Edward Island lecturer makes no excuses for offering students a 70 to not show up for his course. But the administration gives his deal a failing grade.
David Weale said he made the offer because the class is too big and some students aren't interested in being there. About 20 – out of a class of nearly 100 – took him up on it, he said.
The course is in the history of Christianity.
If I would have gotten 70s for every course I skipped in school, I would have had a 70% average!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Ass, Gas and Mass
Hatching Matching or Dispatching is a new Comedy by CBC. It's about a Funeral Service, Wedding Chapel, Ambulance service, Taxi service that is run from one home. Starring Mary Walsh (as if you cudn't have guessed.
Me thinks this reeks of Cornergas ripoff. But you gotta love the premice.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Grey Cup
I put out the memo, Grey Cup 2006 Winnipeg Manitoba November 19.
On the list were: Eeyore, Wheels, Polo, and Steve-O
I'm proposing a road trip to Saskatchewan for a tour and a visit. A trip to Winnipeg for a night, followed by Grey Cup, then Back home. So, for all you Gapper buddies of mine, need to get a crew together for the trip. Wheels is an ass and sent his reply soon after my memo.
I have read your proposal. I concur it will be a 'good time'. I will present is to the board (my wife) for approvals. If approval is granted, we will need to raise funds through some sore of fundraiser. Possibly going door to door with UNICEF boxes, or stealing from the braud's... I mean boards' coffee money. I do require first class travel arrangements (shot gun). Your attendance is requested at the board meeting tonight (leaf game, my house). I think all parties(that we attend) will benefit from this endeavour.
Ass! He was so proud of himself I had to put this on here.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Bahahaha
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "And make three or four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Non stop fun
From CBC web-site
"Conservative Leader Stephen Harper took efforts on Tuesday to play down fears about absolute Tory power in Ottawa.
Speaking to reporters in Quebec, Harper said a Tory majority would only be able to exercise limited power in Ottawa because of a Liberal-dominated Senate and bureaucracy appointed by Liberal governments. "
***Don't be afraid, I'll have the car, and the wheel, but the liberals will still have the gas, so what the heck, vote for me. I promise I will never be totally in power. Muhahahahahahaha!
"NDP Leader Jack Layton appeared to be hard-pressed to come up with specific examples of corruption within Paul Martin's government Tuesday night, saying Canadians will have to judge that for themselves. "
***Ummm, well... there's that thing that happened... what was it.... ummmm.... you know the thing with the guy in the place.... c'mon people you all saw the ads... can't you think for yourself?
"Liberal Leader Paul Martin chastised NDP Leader Jack Layton, claiming he had given up the fight against the Tory agenda to attack the Liberals. "
***Gees you guys... quit picking on me... I'm not nearly as bad as those commercials make me out to be.... Jack, Stephen called your mother a cow... If I were you I'd be pretty mad, I mean a cow? That's just mean spirited.
I won't even start with Duccepe
The future of our country is in good hands, I'm starting to think maybe a dictatorship would be less painful, what with the occasional beatings and such.
"Conservative Leader Stephen Harper took efforts on Tuesday to play down fears about absolute Tory power in Ottawa.
Speaking to reporters in Quebec, Harper said a Tory majority would only be able to exercise limited power in Ottawa because of a Liberal-dominated Senate and bureaucracy appointed by Liberal governments. "
***Don't be afraid, I'll have the car, and the wheel, but the liberals will still have the gas, so what the heck, vote for me. I promise I will never be totally in power. Muhahahahahahaha!
"NDP Leader Jack Layton appeared to be hard-pressed to come up with specific examples of corruption within Paul Martin's government Tuesday night, saying Canadians will have to judge that for themselves. "
***Ummm, well... there's that thing that happened... what was it.... ummmm.... you know the thing with the guy in the place.... c'mon people you all saw the ads... can't you think for yourself?
"Liberal Leader Paul Martin chastised NDP Leader Jack Layton, claiming he had given up the fight against the Tory agenda to attack the Liberals. "
***Gees you guys... quit picking on me... I'm not nearly as bad as those commercials make me out to be.... Jack, Stephen called your mother a cow... If I were you I'd be pretty mad, I mean a cow? That's just mean spirited.
I won't even start with Duccepe
The future of our country is in good hands, I'm starting to think maybe a dictatorship would be less painful, what with the occasional beatings and such.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Eye have a Sty
I have a game tonight with the Men's Leaugue in Sarnia (called up from the small time). Besides the fact that I haven't played in a month is in addition to the fact that I am currently battling a eye problem. It's a Sty.
Sty: , n. (pl.) A pen or inclosure for swine.
Sty: , n. (pl.) A place of bestial debauchery.To roll with pleasure in a sensual sty.
Sty: , n. (Med.) An inflamed swelling or boil on the edge of the eyelid.
No, my house isn't in need of cleaning, no I plan no bestial debauchery (it's not the weekend yet), it is in fact a boil on my eyelid. I am swollen and the lil sucker is red red red.
Now this would not normally affect my ability to see and occasionally stop the puck, but it will if I can't get my contact lenses in. I can't wear my glasses with my helmet. So I'll take to the ice battling a half closed eye and an itchiness that resembles resembles a plague set forth by the hand of Satan. Wish me luck!
Sty: , n. (pl.) A pen or inclosure for swine.
Sty: , n. (pl.) A place of bestial debauchery.To roll with pleasure in a sensual sty.
Sty: , n. (Med.) An inflamed swelling or boil on the edge of the eyelid.
No, my house isn't in need of cleaning, no I plan no bestial debauchery (it's not the weekend yet), it is in fact a boil on my eyelid. I am swollen and the lil sucker is red red red.
Now this would not normally affect my ability to see and occasionally stop the puck, but it will if I can't get my contact lenses in. I can't wear my glasses with my helmet. So I'll take to the ice battling a half closed eye and an itchiness that resembles resembles a plague set forth by the hand of Satan. Wish me luck!
If I had a million $$
Lottery jackpots rising always get me thinking about what I'd do with a million bucks.
I'd make sure my family is looked after first and foremost. Then... I'd load up a helicopter and some buddies and make a trip that would never be soon forgotten.
Snowboarding in Europe, beach bumming in Cuba, the Dominican and possibly Mexico, followed by a tour to Australia, season tickets to the Roughriders and a big friggin house. Jackal would have a bling-bling collar and a gold tooth.
Then, I'd get richer by investing my money in some new fangled scheme that would make sure that I wipe my ass with silk for the rest of my life.
What would you do?
I'd make sure my family is looked after first and foremost. Then... I'd load up a helicopter and some buddies and make a trip that would never be soon forgotten.
Snowboarding in Europe, beach bumming in Cuba, the Dominican and possibly Mexico, followed by a tour to Australia, season tickets to the Roughriders and a big friggin house. Jackal would have a bling-bling collar and a gold tooth.
Then, I'd get richer by investing my money in some new fangled scheme that would make sure that I wipe my ass with silk for the rest of my life.
What would you do?
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Idea??
I was thinking of starting a journal here, listing my attempt at weight loss. Then I thought it might be more interesting to put my thoughts and feelings about my current "romantic" situation here. Then I decided that there is nothing more depressing than some fat dude crying about his estranged wife, so instead I'm going to keep finding something that may be of interest to everyone else.
Like what?
Well, Eeyore hasn't broken anything in quite a while... Wheels is a crazy company man... Polo works way too much (with Eeyore) and I have too much time on my hands.
So what can I offer in my little corner of the web? The problem is that I know very little about a very large amount of subjects. I specialize in nothing, and the one thing I thought I was good at... turns out I'm not.
Maybe I should take a trip. Somewhere warm. Somewhere where the bar and the beach are within 5 metres of each other. C'mon, alcohol, water, foreign language? That would fuel the blog monster for a while! Or maybe I'll start a comic strip.
O
-I- Hey everyone! meet my new character, stick figure Fidel!
/
Fidel kicks ball:
O
-I=
/ .-``-....-``-...-''-..----0
Fidel sleeps
IO-----I
Fidel does handstand after eating too much
\/
( )
/o
The possibilities with those scenes in any combination are endless! Good thing I have a dish.
Like what?
Well, Eeyore hasn't broken anything in quite a while... Wheels is a crazy company man... Polo works way too much (with Eeyore) and I have too much time on my hands.
So what can I offer in my little corner of the web? The problem is that I know very little about a very large amount of subjects. I specialize in nothing, and the one thing I thought I was good at... turns out I'm not.
Maybe I should take a trip. Somewhere warm. Somewhere where the bar and the beach are within 5 metres of each other. C'mon, alcohol, water, foreign language? That would fuel the blog monster for a while! Or maybe I'll start a comic strip.
O
-I- Hey everyone! meet my new character, stick figure Fidel!
/
Fidel kicks ball:
O
-I=
/ .-``-....-``-...-''-..----0
Fidel sleeps
IO-----I
Fidel does handstand after eating too much
\/
( )
/o
The possibilities with those scenes in any combination are endless! Good thing I have a dish.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Cousin Tomsy
Digging around the Hawks web-site, I found a few more gems. I'll post the pictures from beginning to end, though you could mistake the first picture as the end... technically.
That poor sucker is only wearing his jersey on his arms, can't fight like that!
That poor sucker is only wearing his jersey on his arms, can't fight like that!
Irony is a b@#$%
I figured Wheels would love this. It's only in a comic because he tried to knee a Leaf player. Bunch of pansies.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Zest for love
He had searched for her his entire life, the elusive beauty had escaped him once before, much like the bar of soap escapes your grasp when you reach blindly for it in a cloudy tub of bathwater… he thought: “she will likely be easier to find since she likes to shower”.
Canadiens prospects take it upon themselves
Now this is a funny one from the cwazy fwenchmen:
MONTREAL — Canadiens goaltender Jose Theodore has stopped a lot of shots in his NHL career, but nothing like this: A stranger in hockey equipment jumped on the ice during Montreal's practice Monday and shot a puck at him.
"He couldn't beat me," Theodore said. "That's the main thing."
The practice crasher was chased toward the boards by Canadiens coach Claude Julien, but wouldn't get off the ice until he was pulled away by an arena worker. The intruder called Theodore a "great goalie," adding he didn't score because "I didn't have time."
The 28-year-old man, a recreational-hockey player intent on showing he could play at a top level, identified himself as Raphael. Police spokesman Olivier Lapointe said that although two officers spoke to the man, it was "not really a police matter," and the man was not arrested.
He stepped on the Verdun Auditorium ice when most players were at the far end of the rink. Wearing skates, full gear and a white jersey, Raphael skated in on the goalie with a stick and a puck. He was poke-checked on his first attempt, and Theodore later stopped a rather weak wrist shot to the high glove side.
"I didn't really know what was going on until the guy came on," a smiling Theodore said. "He came at me with his head down so I just wanted to say, 'Welcome to the big boys.' I poke-checked him to say, 'You have to keep your head up.' When he came back, I thought about going out of the net and not playing into his game, but then I thought he had the [courage] to go on the ice, so I let him have a free shot at me."
Raphael said he crashed the practice to show the Canadiens what he could do on the ice.
"For many years, I wanted to play high-caliber hockey," he said. "I had nothing to lose."
The man had spent most of the practice sitting in the seats in hockey gear. Winger Alex Kovalev said, "Maybe he was wondering if we need a right-handed shot and tried to prove he can play on our team."
Now be ready for the wave of loons about to take to the ice with dreams of glory. Kinda like the "Making the Cut" show that kind of slipped into non-existence, what ever happened to those guys. I don't remember a Raphael there!
Monday, January 09, 2006
Rock the vote
Them gun totin', no gay marriage havin', bible lovin', Canucks look like the favorite! In this on-line vote!
Hopefully the numbers won't be this out of whack!
Hopefully the numbers won't be this out of whack!
Friday, January 06, 2006
CANADA
I love these cartoons!
Of course this is referring to Sidney Crosby's exclusion from the Men's Olympic hockey team. Really though sould a rookie get the nod to represent its country at the highest level? I think so, especially when you put his numbers against the likes of Martin St. Louis aren't even near his. He's #16 on the points list, Not to mention the alternate Staal who is 8th. Marty doesn't even make top 50.
Some would argue that Ryan Smith shouldn't be there (Kenny) but the truth of the matter is that Ryan Smith is the hardest working man in hockey.
So, on this post I would like proposals from the readers about who they would Drop and Pick up off the Canadian Olympic team.
Here's the current list
Goalies:
Martin Brodeur
Roberto Luongo
Marty Turco
Defencemen:
Rob Blake
Adam Foote
Ed Jovanovski
Scott Niedermayer
Chris Pronger
Wade Redden
Robyn Regehr
Forwards:
Todd Bertuzzi
Shane Doan
Kris Draper
Simon Gagne
Dany Heatley
Jarome Iginla
Vincent Lecavalier
Rick Nash
Brad Richards
Joe Sakic
Ryan Smyth
Martin St. Louis
Joe Thornton
Spare: Eric Staal
So tell me, who would you drop? Who would you put in his spot? Keep in mind that St. Louis is a bum.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Finally someone said it... From the city of champs (chumps)
From an Edmonton News Paper
FREE TRADE AGREEMENT
It's not easy looking bad in a year when you hoist the Grey Cup, but Eskimos management found a way. A team that pocketed about $6 million for selling the Trappers out from under Edmonton started the season by letting Sean Fleming pay $15,000 out of his own pocket to keep Ed Hervey in town. Classy. They did win a title, but only after a "trade'' that wouldn't have passed the BS test in a weekend pickup league. Unable to find a running back on their own, or protect their quarterback, the Esks got a 1,000-yard rusher and a starting Canadian O-lineman for free (since Hamilton wasn't making the playoffs, they let Edmonton keep Jason Maas and Edmonton's side of the package as insurance for the Cup run). It's like the Leafs trading Mats Sundin and Bryan McCabe to Calgary for Jarome Iginla, then letting Calgary keep Iginla until after the playoffs. CFL commissioner Tom Wright, reading from Green and Gold cue cards, approves the deal. The Esks, with Maas, bolstered pass protection and a new running back, win a Grey Cup. The league loses a little dignity.
Yup, there's a Cup we can all be proud of!
FREE TRADE AGREEMENT
It's not easy looking bad in a year when you hoist the Grey Cup, but Eskimos management found a way. A team that pocketed about $6 million for selling the Trappers out from under Edmonton started the season by letting Sean Fleming pay $15,000 out of his own pocket to keep Ed Hervey in town. Classy. They did win a title, but only after a "trade'' that wouldn't have passed the BS test in a weekend pickup league. Unable to find a running back on their own, or protect their quarterback, the Esks got a 1,000-yard rusher and a starting Canadian O-lineman for free (since Hamilton wasn't making the playoffs, they let Edmonton keep Jason Maas and Edmonton's side of the package as insurance for the Cup run). It's like the Leafs trading Mats Sundin and Bryan McCabe to Calgary for Jarome Iginla, then letting Calgary keep Iginla until after the playoffs. CFL commissioner Tom Wright, reading from Green and Gold cue cards, approves the deal. The Esks, with Maas, bolstered pass protection and a new running back, win a Grey Cup. The league loses a little dignity.
Yup, there's a Cup we can all be proud of!
Canada's Juniors
I was leafing through the comments on the Team USA loss to Russia, seems the yankee boosters are pissed with the fans booing "our neighbor" and wish us a loss to Russia as redemption for our rudeness.
I laughed.
But really is this attitude a sign of the dissacord between the countries? Our current PM seems to be conveying the sentiment of a large part of the Canadian population with barbs and comments directed at the curent regime in the US, while Harper and Layton stand pat on the subject choosing to not slide off the fence either North or South. This makes me wonder what would happen under a Conservative majority government. Would GW and Uncle Sam take advantage of some sympathy for their Nation's benefit? Have they in the past?
I am a Conservative guy, but I'll tell you what, I just don't trust Harper.
I believe in the traditional definition of marriage, but can see that progress on that front must be made eventually.
I like tax cuts, but prefer a government with additional resources for day care programs and Medicare and the like.
I detest scandals. I detest them more when they are blown to extremes and exorbidant amounts of tax payers money is wasted in a who done it witch hunt. Especially 4 years after the guilty party is long gone from any position of power. I think the reason the Gomery thing was launched was to silence the opposition (yeah like that would work) and set the public at ease that our government wasn't just going to sit back and let this BS slide. Bad move I guess.
Now as you can likely tell I am very "light" on my political knowledge, but I do know one thing. The more the Conservatives occupy my holidays and TV watching time with campaigns and needless elections at bad times, I will keep pulling for "Diamond Joe Martin" and his stance on foreign issues.
Jaysus, it was just a hockey game Jim!
I laughed.
But really is this attitude a sign of the dissacord between the countries? Our current PM seems to be conveying the sentiment of a large part of the Canadian population with barbs and comments directed at the curent regime in the US, while Harper and Layton stand pat on the subject choosing to not slide off the fence either North or South. This makes me wonder what would happen under a Conservative majority government. Would GW and Uncle Sam take advantage of some sympathy for their Nation's benefit? Have they in the past?
I am a Conservative guy, but I'll tell you what, I just don't trust Harper.
I believe in the traditional definition of marriage, but can see that progress on that front must be made eventually.
I like tax cuts, but prefer a government with additional resources for day care programs and Medicare and the like.
I detest scandals. I detest them more when they are blown to extremes and exorbidant amounts of tax payers money is wasted in a who done it witch hunt. Especially 4 years after the guilty party is long gone from any position of power. I think the reason the Gomery thing was launched was to silence the opposition (yeah like that would work) and set the public at ease that our government wasn't just going to sit back and let this BS slide. Bad move I guess.
Now as you can likely tell I am very "light" on my political knowledge, but I do know one thing. The more the Conservatives occupy my holidays and TV watching time with campaigns and needless elections at bad times, I will keep pulling for "Diamond Joe Martin" and his stance on foreign issues.
Jaysus, it was just a hockey game Jim!
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Holiday wrap
Back in Sarnia, got settled into my new apartment. Jackal was thrilled to see me, I must say I missed the little bugger.
Trip highlights?
The drive in both directions was awesome. I don't mind spending 20 hours (plus 4 or so for snoozin) in my new Xterra. Mileage was good and the weather was great.
Learned to play Texas Holdem, so watch out Eeyore and Wheels.
Visiting family and eating every one of my favorite "mommy makes it this way" dishes.
Got to re-aquaint myself with my godson and niece. A pair of cuties to be sure.
Hanging out with Little brother for the first time in a long time.
Seeing my little buddy Chaz and their new diggs.
Hanging out with Sly and T-bo and Kenny.
ah yes.. and Buffalo wings (the real ones).
Trip highlights?
The drive in both directions was awesome. I don't mind spending 20 hours (plus 4 or so for snoozin) in my new Xterra. Mileage was good and the weather was great.
Learned to play Texas Holdem, so watch out Eeyore and Wheels.
Visiting family and eating every one of my favorite "mommy makes it this way" dishes.
Got to re-aquaint myself with my godson and niece. A pair of cuties to be sure.
Hanging out with Little brother for the first time in a long time.
Seeing my little buddy Chaz and their new diggs.
Hanging out with Sly and T-bo and Kenny.
ah yes.. and Buffalo wings (the real ones).
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