Who Dis?

Hey kids, let's play guess the names...









































It's not a chick, it's a man, man!

I am so smart

I just talked to my Mortgage people, and asked what my penalty was for closing early, it was an astounding amount.

Back when we signed the mortgage, I recalled that there was a "Privilege Payment" clause that allowed us to pay 25% of our total mortgage amount which was applied directly to the principal. I called back armed with this info and the good ol internet and bank sites. Aparrently it's a little known fact out there that you can get your lawyer to pay the Mortgage lender in two checks; one for the Privilege Payment and a second one for the outstanding balance, which reduces the penalty that they base on monthly interest they will lose by closing your mortgage, three months worth actually...

Well, After a little bit of a run-around, I got the answer that they will allow this and therefor, my penalty is reduced by $2,000.00, I ain't just looks folks!

But with the good comes the bad... people are hesitant to rent to dog owners... Shit.

Sold

Well, that was fast! 1 week to the day since we put it up for sale, the place is sold. We got what we wanted for it, which is good. since we have a month to get out of there, I should have a pile of good stuff to write for the next while, just not a lot of time to write it!

The Beginning

The light was blinding as his moisture clad body emerged from what had been his home through his entire life until now. Inaudible chatter, most recently mixed with occasional screams of agony and cheers of encouragement, suddenly met him with a harshness that could mean only one thing... he had arrived. Surely "Junior" would never forget this day.

"The incident"

Eddie had never seen the skies so dark in his life, as a prairie boy he had seen thousands of storms and never had he witnessed the thick blackness that now hung thick over his head like the smoke of a building basted in layer upon layer of old thick oil paint burning to it's foundation, or like a 2 storey victorian home with White Shutters and a wrap-around porch crumbling to the ground under the weight of a century old home with its supports weakened by the lick of yellow flames... Eddie laboured behind his shopping cart full of belongings and walked down the driveway, which was now filling with emergency service workers and their equipment. He coudn't help but feel a little guilty, all he wanted to do was watch those snooty up-towners step on a flaming bag of dog feces. Eddie smiled, and for that moment, being a homeless man was just fine with him.

The weekend Casey came to visit

Another dog story... I know.

Realtor asked if we would mind having an open house Sunday, Sure! Looking to sell the house so why not! Neighbor lady asks if we can babysit big black Labrador Retriever (a few weeks ago) Sure! Ever try cleaning a house when three animals that each shed enough to make another animal in a timeframe that allows only a half assed job before an open house???

Add that the new comer pees everywhere and smells the house up. Did I mention the shedding factor? Oh and lest we forget, not to be outdone, Jackal (aparantly) shit on the floor in the middle of the night and stunk the place up... Long day.

Thirty or so potential buyers came to see the house and I guess we have two people preparing to make an offer, so that's good, a little healthy competition!

Polo's birthday was yesterday, and we had a good time, same ol suspects attended, and ate/drank way too much... I love weekends!

This week I intend to focus my attention on golfing and running (hopefully not at the same time), and try out my new grill (I returned the H-Bomb BBQ aka Hell grill). I amde sure it was properly assembled this time!

Buy my house

Here is my house listing, it's the FIRST one (now), listed for 137,900. We had three walk throughs last night and it hadn't been on the market even one day. Hopes are that we will sell in a few weeks, if not, maybe longer!

Aren't we just getting a little sensitive?

From CBC:
















"Natalie Glebova was set to open a festival last weekend at Nathan Phillips Square in front of City Hall, but municipal officials told organizers that the recently crowned Torontonian couldn't perform that duty if she wore her sash or her tiara, or if she was introduced by her title. "

I mean really, for every group that opposes something there is bound to be another that will oppose the opposition.

I hereby oppose the fact that Nathan Phillips Square is discriminating against my right to choose to attend a festival opening based (soleley) on the fact that I would like to see Miss Universe because as a white straight male aged 28, I feel that a fundemental freedom has been taken from me.

Imagine if a gay entertainer was told he could not open a festival because his stage name was Bubba Nude.... OOOOH boy there'd be hell to pay in downtown Toronto. Pride marches, howerver, with persons dressed (partially) in leather and S+M paraphanalia for the sole purpose of raising awareness of their sexual lifestyle are O.K. That's different. Maybe Miss Universe should allow Chick-Men into competition too! But then they would need seperate dressing rooms so as not to offend the women, but that would be discriminating against the dudes that seriously think they're chicks, but that would be discriminating against the women who prefer to keep men from being near them while gettin dressed.... eeeesh see what I mean?

Blah

Well all the work is done on the house, new (looking) shutters, doors, and stairs. The place looks fantastic! I'd buy it!

Long days of hard work and a few really good friends put it all together, that b@#$ch mother nature tried to hamper our efforts, but it was a waste of her time and resources, we took a break and once it cleared, got back to it. The heat was unbelievable and the humidity made it feel like you were breathing with your nose over top of a boiling kettle. Luckily cool beer and rye numbed our discomfort.

Last night we were supposed to play against the Fire department in our slow-pitch league but the poor sugar laden lads decided that a few inches of rain was far too much for their soft bottoms to withstand, so we won by forfeit.

Now we have another week of work, and a weekend coming fast. Hopefully the house won't be long selling and we can start saving for our 3000 square foot bungalow with the pool and jacuzzi... Yeah.

It's the weekend Baby!

That's right, get out the golf clubs and a dozen beer. We're expecting awful heat and humidity and I have a pile of work to do on the house, we're selling it and moving to Birma (Myanmar now, but it will always be Birma to me (thanks Seinfeld)).

Actually we are selling the house while the getting is good (real-estate is hot now so we figure on making about 20k from our purchase price which is pretty OK. Then we'll dive into renting, mostly because my carreer may require some mobility for a short while and I'd rather not leave Wife alone in this place. Oh and there's the money!!!

So enjoy yourselves you workaholics, and I'll see about a weekend post (rare). PS riders play Ti-Cats this saturday, BE THERE!

Don't smile at me

In the age of text messaging and messenger, there are a pile of smilies out there. Sighs, grins, winks, cries astonishment and even bodily function smilies. Well, I'm full up. I propose we start sending messages with pictures of dead famous people.

Instead of sending a love smilie, send a picture of Bonnie and Clyde; who died in a hail of gunfire... with each other!

Instead of sending a sad dopey looking smilie, send a picute of Walter Mathau, that is better than any yellow faced, round eyed, two armed no legged icon you can send.

So go ahead people, express your emotions with Icons, not icons and let's tell each other how we really feel!

Why HappyGapper??

What the hell is a Happy Gapper?














I've been asked this question a few times and I guess it's a good idea to answer it. For people in the Prairies it's pretty obvious, to people further East, they really have no idea, so:

Our Province was dubbed as the gap because it is less a Province and more a flat useless space between Manitoba and Alberta. This name has stuck, and anytime I would befriend someone from either side, it wasn't long before they would refer to your group or clique as the "gappers". I can't say I mind the name, it's better than beign from Toronto, people home have much wose names for them!

The HappyGapper actually occured as a trip to Oak Lake in Manitoba turned into a sit down comedy bit with some (plenty) of stops along the way for "rehydration". Every car we passed would get a look at a few things, either one of our passengers asses, or a 270 pound bald dude doing some rendition of a muppet dance hanging half out of the window of the vehicle. It was dubbed the HappyGapper dance.

That was a long time ago, and I decided to give rebirth to the clown in a modernized form, my blog. So there you have it, you now know the origin of the Happy Gapper.

Allow me to introduce you

Here is a picture, though it is vague in my memory, of a night at the Hotel having a few with Sly (right) T-Bo (Middle) and myself. Sly is the guy that gets me in trouble, T-Bo is the guy that makes me drink and looks like a leprechaun (5'1"). I'm the guy that believes he gets better at everything when he drinks.

How did you do????

Here they are from top to bottom!

Melanie Griffith (Working Girl)
Marshall Mathers (Eminem/Slim Shady)
Paul Stanley (Singer for KISS)
Slash (Guitarist for used to be Guns N Roses new guitarist for Velvet Revolver)

I have a ton of them and you wouldn't believe what Marilyn Manson looked like as a child....

You really wanna know?

Curious bunch of monkeys aint we???













I keep getting calls from people "who are they???" Here are some hints:

1 Movie person THX SOL
3 Musical persons

One is Skinny in darkness

One is like a cut

One likes make up... duh

One is a worker

Need more? TOO BAD!

Guess Who?

Kids that became famous. These are all very well known artists. see if you can figure out who they are. I'll check the comments later and see who da Man/Woman. If you're all cold I'll put up a hint or two.












Hazard a guess! Winner gets a free T-Shirt.

DISCLAIMER: T-shirt may not exist, see local stores for low priced shirts and treat yourself if you win... or not.

Golf before wife jokes; a 500 year old tradition

Get it? Because she's still in the car... get it???

2 years

Happy Anniversary sweet heart.


I lack creativity at times and even when the idea is there I sometimes lack the resources or talent to pull things off. So today I will dedicate my ramblings to you.

The first year went by so fast that it was hard to believe things would ever get "tough". Marital bliss I think they call it. During the second year the reality of being far from our homes and the people we love set in, and made for some lonely times, but you know what, we pulled through with the help of some good friends and patience. You have put up with more than your share of... well, me! And people who know me, know I can be quite stubborn, or thick headed, but you're patience and loving nature makes you a perfect fit.

Whether you're pouring my carcas into a car after a night out with POLO and Eeyore, or making my favorite meal, it's obvious there is no end to your goodness, and I love you for it.

Tonight I'll run straight home, and if I remember (another thing I do poorly, that you put up with), I will bring you flowers. At the very least I'll help you make supper or at least keep my butt off the couch for a while and sit in the kitchen with you and talk.

We've built our lives together and I am glad to be with you, thick and thin, high and low, wedding vows make more sense the more we do for one another.

Happy anniversary, here's to (expected life span of overweight lazy husband) more.

Some Purdy Pitures

Here are the pictures I promised. One of them things in the coconut would do some damage, eh Sly?

Darned dog

Had a little scare today.

I got a phone call around 12:00, "the dog's gone!" I assumed it was the little one, but no, Jackal is out and he's not coming back when I call. Gates are all closed and there's no other way out... Well, maybe that's not true, but Jackal knows something we don't. I rushed home and began to search. I asked everyone I saw and a few of them had seen him. They told me he was running down the street full tilt as if he were being chased by something. He kept looking back as he bolted. The people said they tried to call him over but he just ran past them. This is strange because Jackal loves people and animals. Anyway, we kept looking for about an hour. I had all but lost hope when I turned down a street and about 4 blocks away I spotted a figure that looked like a little shit-head. It was him. I gunned it and once I got there a nice crew of workers had him by the collar and I put him in the car. I wanted to kick his yellow rear, but he got in the car and seemed relieved. I wonder if he got bitten or spooked by something, because for a dog that has been out 10 times before, he has never ran for it. Even at Ma n Pa's he stayed around the yard the entire time, no fence or rope.

Anyways I guess we'll see what happens, first I need to know how he is managing to flee. I'm just glad he didn't get squashed or something, that would have been bad.

Rider Pride...

SkyDome was an experience in itself, there were some 25,000 fans at the game and a surprising showing from the fans for Saskatchewan. I lipped almost every Argo fan I met, and despite the pleas of my entourage I kept it up through 3 and 3/4 quarters before I heard it all back... 10 fold. Eeyore let me hear it as soon as we pooched the defensive struggle. Smug bastard with his free riders T-shirt on. The kids enjoyed it, and believe it or not, I had a great time with my little buddies there, they were content to sit on uncle Jim's lap and watch the game... Fantastic kids.

Wheels and Eeyore had a little pride of their own. Friday night (before I got there) the boys decided to hit a pub for a few pints. The bar in the hotel had an assortment of world wide ales and it looked like a good place to watch the late game. turns out TV's are used for music that creates atmosphere, not for watching the game... Off to the "sports bar" they had spotted down the street. "Hoops sports bar and grill" was the name. After sitting in there for a while, something struck Eeyore as odd. There were two females in the entire place and they were there together. All suspicions were confirmed when The DJ announced "all you guys at the bar I want to see you dancing" and the 90's hit "Cotton Eyed Joe played", Eeyore lead poor wheels and himself into a gay bar. They went home. Eeyore is on the verge of being re-named "Man Candy".

All that aside, it was a fun weekend and I made sure to call home to tell everyone I was there. Home meaning the Redvers Hotel, of course! Stay tuned for "More things Eeyore would rather you not know", and my witty repertoire of nicknames for bad Referies and Kickers.

Repent; the hour of reckoning approaches!!

Aparently the weather back home is something of a cruel joke. I got this e-mail this morning (few minutes ago), it seems the sinners of St. Maurice are paying dearly for something??? I have an image of my mother scurrying about in a Ski-doo helmet and full shoulder pads trying to cover her plants and tomatoes with large buckets to avoid losing them to Armagedon-like ice balls from the sky. I haven't had word of casualties from home. She's a quick lady, I'm not too worried.

From Cousine Bubbles:

I'm not sure who got this email already, but here it is again anyhow. My ma sent me this last nite, and forgot to mention the tornado that pa and the boys saw from the farm, quote:"It wasn't no funnel cloud, that's for sure!!" Someone from carievale also spotted one, not sure if it was the same one. And if you happened to hear about Bellegarde on the weather network, that would be thanks to Sly's Pa, environment canada tracked him down (and the storm), pretty precise equipment they have there! From what I know Bellegarde was pretty much the only town hit, by the time the storm got to dad's farm the hail had shrunk some. For those of you interested in crop damage, don't ask me, call a farmer!

from ma:

Just thought you might be interested in what Mother Nature is sending
our way this summer. We were all away at the time of the hailstorm
(Thursday - 4:30p.m.), but "DEVO" came back half an hour after and picked
up some of the "hailstones" and put them in freezer. He and "MISS" then
decided to practice some golfing with what was on the ground....
To give you an idea of the size, the hailstones are sitting in a 10"
dinner plate.
Only one windshield was broken in town (Gader's) and two glass
patio table tops (Jim's PA, and Sly's PA)
Baseball anyone?
Have a great summer
MaTante Polack

I can't post the pics from here but I will as soon as I get home. No exageration, baseball sized Ice balls falling from the sky... All this after torrential downpours over a few months. the only nice weather they had was when Jim got there for a wedding and a visit. Mother nature is one cruel bitch.

Any good sightings or stories would be greatly appreciated in the Comments!

Hypocracy

I just witnessed (from my window over the parking lot next door) a meter maid ticket someone who was parked across two spots. He then proceeded to walk over the entire lot scrutinizing everyone's pass. He then walked to a car thtat was parked in a blue zone (handicapped parking) that was sideways across two lanes... Got in... and drove away...
I'm disgusted with the human race.

We lost... To a bad team

Alcohol and nice weather may have been a factor in the demise of the Preferred Towing two pitch teams' demise last night.

Too many of us had too many beer, we lost to one of the lesser teams in our league and the only variable from last week was the pre-game ritual.

On a lighter note old Eeyore is up to his old tricks again. The pool (2 years old) has a long crack under the liner. it is such that it replicates a cliff more than a crack. Looks like the whole works will need to be torn apart to fix it, including (but not limited to) the new pressure treated (newly stained) pool deck, the flower beds (just landscaped), and likely more stuff that will turn a 30,000 dollar pool (figurative) into a 130,000 dollar pool. Looks like July will have no shortage of stories for the ol' Gap!

Bulwer Lytton has got me...

General Scott looked back at his career with great pride. He had accumulated several trophies and awards, and his career could be summed up as “Extraordinary”. He remembered the cheers upon his return home, after victory had been clinched; the cries of agony and the adrenaline rush that comes with initiating an offensive. His days leading his group were over due to an injury to his thumb that he sustained while on duty. A tear welled up in his eye as he placed his uniform in the closet, never to be worn again. Surely a jacket crested: “The Pin Platoon” reflected less on his army career (of which he had none), and more on his men’s league bowling team. The General would never forgive the guys for giving him a finger trap.

Yankee-Doodle day

On this day of life and liberty I think of the poor line up of 18 year olds that won't be home to celebrate their independance with their families, because a tyrant has dictated that they will go to fight for another country's freedom. A country that has shed 2000 souls and have yet to see the peace they were promised.

I think of all the young men and women who will never see a country liberated because they have lost their lives to the crusade.

I think .... my rambling is getting too profound so I turn to a lighter topic.

The holiday has prompted a sudden flux in the amount of boaters out on the water (did I mention I can see the river from my new office?) Me thinks there will be plenty of work very soon. The airwaves are a buzz with commercial vessels wondering how to make it through a virtual fog of smaller boats congesting the seaway. God bless America.

Green is the color... Football is the game

My Riders won another one tonight, although it was a slim victory, the damage could have been much worse if the receiving corps could have, well.... received a freqaking ball! Oh well, jitters I suppose.

Otherwise a great weekend, much fun with the boys, and got a lot of yard work done. Watch CBC Football next week, the HappyGapper is going to be attending the Riders VS. Boatmen tilt at Skydome... Look for the only two Assholes sporting green and white to the game.... The Authentic Jersey will be yours truly... #33 SZARKA.... Look for it... I will do my best to get picked up by the CBC crew.

And as for the non-believers (due to lack of kikin arse against a weak team) Dr. Phil says:
Don't jump the gun... Just because a cat has spots... Don't try to paint him with a cougar's brush.... I know... I F!@#$N hate the DR.

Happy Canada Day!

Lots to do to get ready for this kind of weekend. There was supposed to be a party at Casa-De-Jim but Wife took an extra shift at work, so I'll likely find Eeyore and Polo and get a few beer in me. If not I'll go to the park and check out "Grumpy's" band (likely do that anyway).

So happy Canada Day people! If by chance your vision is not blurred by supper time, you are either working, or not a patriot!!! Jokes...

PS please refrain from posting comments when you're completely slammed and wanting to talk. You gots me number eh! Che Cha Cha Cha Leppy!!!