Yabba Dabba Dead

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you of the passing of the animator of Fred, Barney and the Flinstones characters.

Wait a second, age 94??? Suddenly I feel less remorse for this prolonged existence, not his death. With Cousins and relatives taking seriously ill at ages from 36 to 80 I can honestly state that this man had a good run.

Now morbidly looking at the funeral arrangements, Magilla, Yogi and Booboo were selected as pallbearers along with Bam Bam who is now 78 and can barely manage to bicep curl a cement truck. His memorial stone (which was carved by a hard beaked, tetchy prehistoric fowl) reads:

Here lies a man who knew that value of the environment (foot powered cars), friends (dimwit Barney), and quitting time (Yabba Dabba Doo). Punch your card, dear angel.

The funeral was musically endowed with several original scores from Quick Draw McGraw. It was estimated that as many as 7 guitars were annihilated on the stone casket.

Huckleberry Hound stood out as the most devastated, obviously unable to come to grips with the passing of his creator stating simply: Who? I thought I was here for a taping of "The Surreal Life"...

Burrial will be at Hollyrock's "Stone dead" cemetary. Donations can be made on behalf of the departed to the University of Hollyrock Geology department.

Where you been?

Happy Gapper battles the Norther Frontier



Jim steps up to protect the local travelers at the Inuvik Airport.

Well, I’m back from the end of the world, at least the end of the road… actually there is no road to Tuktoyaktuk (Tuk) so I guess I went beyond. Here is a pictometary with some comment of my adventures where the sun don’t shine (go ahead and make fun).

Before leaving I had an opportunity to spens some time with my Beloved brother, Sis-in law, my God Son and Niece, aren’t they cute!



It was unusual arriving at these remote locations, what was most shocking to me during my first 5 minutes in the Northwest Territories was the similarities between the cab drivers of Inuvik and Toronto. $40.00 for a 5 minute cab ride? Get outa here!

This is an Igloo that is built as a sphere, from what I gathered it was built this way to avoid damage to the foundation when the shifting from the temperature change occurs. It is anchored by a single tie down and rotates as the earth beneath it shifts.



From Inuvik it was off to “Tuk” where the landscape changes from tree lines and different elevations to somewhat flat and treeless with lakes dabbed all across the plains.



There was plenty of rain and gloomy sunless days, but this odd thing appeared beside the base the first day we were there, I guess it was a look at the last bit of natural color we would see for a while. Trust me there was NO RAINBOW in Tuk.


This is the bed I stayed (almost) in, my feet stuck out the bottom and when I shifted at night I almost always nailed the wall. This must have scared the sasquatch looking woman on the other side because it was not uncommon for her to shit her pants (or al least sound like it) when I would move to another position.



Here is the beautiful town of Tuk taken from the end of the Trans Canada Trail.



This monument was dedicated by Queen Elizabeth during a visit to the NWT to mark the end of the trail.



This is a sort of hut used to keep such things as Caribou and Musk ox refrigerated, there is a tunnel that leads below the perma-frost line and provides cold temperatures year round. It is still used today by the local townspeople.



I followed the noise of a pack of dogs to this spot where a local dog sled racer keeps his animals separate from civilization. They were generally quite calm but none had the eyes of a dog I would approach for a cuddle.








As mentioned there are no roads to Tuk until the complete freeze up, this is when a winter road is erected on the ice of the Mackenzie river and serves as a lifeline for the community after the last of the shipping is done. This is a tug and barge returning to Inuvik for a last run before the rivers become to treacherous to navigate. Everything gets here by plane or on a boat such as these. Vehicles are purchased from the south and shipped to the new owner at the reasonable price of nearly 1500.00, after the warranty is voided because of the cost to the manufacturer to service a vehicle with problems so far north.



The Coast Guard Ship Nahidik and Eckaloo arrived a few days before we left and we boarded for coffee and cookies with the Captain. This vessel was actually more impressive than I had imagines from pictures I had seen.



Go figure, the nicest day we had in Tuk was the day we left, here are some various shots from land and air.







PS I never got a picture of the Sasquatch but I assure you that the beast could pass air at a rate that most Men will never know and few that were in captivity could ever survive. Keep watching the Enquirer, they do exist!

A little news

The Puck Around team will be taking to the field Friday evening at 6:00 PM to try and establish dominance over whoever stands between us and the championship.

The playoffs started Monday and we pulled out a convincing 19 to 9 win over the Jail. We meet the best team in the league Saturday morning and history would suggest we are dead meat. But we are hopeful… that the team gets a bad case of diarrhoea and is unable to “contain” itself. Failing that we will just have to play solid ball.

More importantly there will be the post season banquet consisting of the best cabbage rolls ever and a well stocked bar. We usually follow the night up with a trip to a tavern and a few nightcaps.

Found out that I will be travelling to Tuktoyaktuk on the 23rd until Beginning October. Great chance to see some of the country that I would never otherwise visit. My new job is a lot of fun… if you like deeking polar bears and flight schedules.

N. Drew has nothing on me

As a wave or fear passed through his very core, Anthony decided it was time to come clean:
"I did it, I killed the girl and her lover; I'm sorry, I never intended for it to happen." Anthony's sudden valiant effort at honesty was of little consequence though, since before he could take a breath to refill his lungs after his confession, 1760 Volts were passed through his body. It seems the video, fingerprints and testimony of 14 eye witnesses was enough to "sink" him.

From the front

Brother Les is in Afghanistan once again things are a little intense as you have likely read/heard/seen. Here is a section of a letter to the family I received today:

"Had a great uneventful sleepful night, crashed in a cot near the warmembrace of a Light armoured vehicle inside our little fort. Sporadicartillery kaboom and rat tat tat off in the distance, but nothing that keptme up. The soldiers have had 24 hours without anyone getting hurt, so that'sgreat news. Woke up this morning and actually remembered to brush my teeth. Made use ofthe portapotty. Ah, the small comforts. It's looking pretty quiet for us here today.

Not sure what will be on tap,but I wouldnt' be against hangin' out here and recharging a bit.Looks like i"m getting some major pickup on a picture I took. Fronts ofseveral papers out west so far. Cool. Pretty happy with the work so far.

I've got a Sept. 11 feature coming up that I'm pretty pleased with, too.

It's always a relief on these assignments when you get a few good stories onthe go right away. Takes the pressure (self-imposed, naturally) off. Graeme Smith, my Globe and Mail colleague and great friend, is the onlyother reporter up here. He must have worked until 5 a.m. (compared to my 1a.m.), so I'll be curious to see what he did.

On the living front, we're eating rations with the soldiers. I've actuallygot quite a lot of experience with that now. They're much better than youmight expect. Basically every kind of food you can imagine canned in tinpackets. Lots of stews, omlets for breakfast, with rice or this weirddesicated bread that lasts 200 years. And always a canned fruit to go withit. Then a myriad of goodies besides, chocolate bars, candies and such. Anyway, I see the coffee is on. Think I'll go help myself. All is well, andI'm thinking about you all. especially poor dad and his war with the BusNazis. Take care, Les"

Well brother we are all thinking of you too,I now have a new awesome computer so anything you send can and will be used to entertain the millions that read my blog daily... or at least my 5 buddies...

Reporting from room 126 in Gananoque Ontario, HappyGapper Signing off... more on what I've beenup to tommorow... WITH PICS!

Ta

Dirty Thirty

Well folks my life as I know it is over, I am 30 years old.

The joy of receiving messages and e-mails with “old fart” in the subject line is fading and I look back on what was my “lucky year” and think about what a change my life has taken in just one year. I am far happier now, I like my job better, I have possibly the perfect girlfriend.

Perfect indeed, she threw me a birthday party 2 weeks ago and the surprises never seem to stop coming. We went to the Tiger-Cats vs. Roughriders game last Saturday and who should I get to shake hands and meet? Chris Szarka, my idol fullback for the Riders that my dear Schmue and good buddy Mark arranged weeks prior. It was a trip.

(in case you weren't sure that's me on the left...yeah.. right)

He’s not so big, I wasn’t even flexing… Besides, who wants to look like that guy anyway... Note the elevation of his footwear versus mine??? I'm huge.

It was the best football experience ever; we got more autographs from Kenton Keith and the rookie running back Shermar Bracey on the sidelines.


The Ti-Cats fans were terrific, a little grumpy but for the most part they were great, the stadium was great, seats were fantastic and the whole trip was surreal.

The past few weeks have been a real eye opener as to how great my friends and family are, I am a Lucky Gapper. Can’t wait to see what I get when I turn 40!

Here are a few more shots of the day:

Shivers, I ain't talkin' thermic people!

Hey dude,

You need to blog your reaction to the Shivers’ shuffle and Barrett’s shelf life.

Den

Alrighty, here’s my take on this thing.

Seven seasons of mediocre performance by what was slated each year as being a contender for the Grey Cup. Granted the record pre-Shivers was far worse, but seven years is long enough to turn any team into a winning machine.

Shivers brought some of the best talent in the CFL to our little organization in the flatlands but the mob is fickle, dear brother; they are calling for Jim Hopson’s head on a spit and I can’t disagree.

I think the problems with this organization are far more than a stubborn GM, it’s a board of old out of date curmudgeons that like their spot on top of the food chain and the more they try to control the game side of things the less we manage to win. With Jim Hopson in any position of power we are less likely to crawl out of our funk and more likely to plunge into a darker place.

Let’s visit the timing of this, after an uplifting and convincing win (46-15) last week, we face the same team this week (which I will be attending (row 15 section E)) with…. You guessed it, off the field controversy. It happens every year and the timing is always brutal. Where does it all stem from? Do you believe the old expression “shit doesn’t flow uphill”? I think the gravity in the prairie province of Saskatchewan allows accountability to be assigned to the top positions, but stops just shy of the puppet masters (the Roughriders Board of Directors).

Danny Barrett is safe for the season; he will likely be cut next year either way. With him gone I doubt we will field a team that consists of some of their talent findings. When contracts come due Calgary is likely to sweep up most of our guys and we will be facing another rebuilding year.

I’m not saying that Roy was the answer, nor is Danny (7 seasons say so) but I can tell you that the way this thing transpired will leave a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, inside and out of the organization.

And with the rumours swirling around the possible hiring of Eric Tillman, I am a saaaaaaaaad Panda.

So look for me this weekend on the television, I will be donning green #33 and waving my Pilsner Roughrider flag atop a tent pole.

That’s hot…

So I don’t turn thirty for a little more than a week, but Saturday all my friends here put together a little get together for me. The mastermind behind it was my dear girlfriend Sue and her sneaky daughter Julie. They managed to pull the proverbial wool over my eyes for weeks as they schemed and planned. The biggest surprise of the night was the arrival of my brother and his wife Kim who made the trip from Montreal to be here.

The next biggest surprise was the Saskatchewan Roughrider theme and the appearance of the finest of the Trailblazers:
I still get flashbacks to the “Simply Irresistible” music video.
Yeah, pretty hot stuff. I was shocked; I hope this doesn’t mean I’ll have to dress up like the cast of Rockstar for my lady! Thanks Stace for the pic.

I got gifts (way too many) that tell a lot about my personality.
A ring /horseshoe style yard game (way too much fun when drinking – which I do occasionally)
A Money clip that can hold a single bill snugly (because I am always broke)
Rob Rainford Cook book and BBQ cook book (what has two thumbs and loves to BBQ? – This guy right here!)
A bottle of liquor (See ring toss game notes)
Tickets to the Roughriders vs. Hamilton at Ivor Wynne stadium (Because I’m wearing the cheerleader outfit next week!)
A pair of tank tops (because I’m huge)
Lotto tickets (because I’m broke and the are the 1 million dollar winners)
A bicycle (because some spineless waste of skin stole mine)
A new shiny Baseball bat (Shut up Trevor)

So it was a long Sunday as you can imagine, the night came complete with a kidnapping and another bout of “In car Wrestling” (I totally won) with Wheels.

So look for me on CBC’s football coverage next week, I’ll be there with a few of my cheerleader friends and maybe I can convince them to garb up for the occasion and get us on TV… Nah, nobody wants to see that twice in a lifetime.

Shits and Giggles

Here's a joke that was forwarded to me via e-mail with a reply with the Happy Gapper spin...


I have a dog & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting "The Purina Diet" again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but That I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two Every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack as he staggered out the door laughing!!

HG SAYS:

In light of this revelation I must advise you that Purina is generally compiled of sawdust and livestock horns with a saucy blend of Chicken remains (generally the stuff even McDonalds wouldn't try to pass off as food). I must also advise you that the reason you found it necessary to "lick your balls" was to dispel the taste that is left from the pellets which are slightly more offensive than said balls.

Please reconsider your decisions to both consume the pellets for weight control and lick yourself in public.

Cheers

Let's play a game

Okay, at my own peril I have decided to get a game going today. Here is a headline (for all of you CFL or NFL fans), I'll give you a real news headline and you can make whatever comments you like in the comments section below.

We all know Ricky Williams' affinity for the "herbal" smoky oxygen, so... what do you make of this?

WILLIAMS TURNS TO OXYGEN TANK TO HEAL ARM

Now to get you started:

Doctors also believe that by allowing a hash brownie during each session will reduce Ricky's boredom 75% while increasing long lasting paranoia by 80%.