Streaks' worst nightmare

I woke up a little late this morning and didn't have time to have breakfast at home, so I proceed to drive to work. When I arrived at the office I decided to grab a muffin from the cofffee shop across the street. I also got a chocolate milk.

I warmed the muffin in the microwave to make it (seem) more fresh. I sat a tore the top off and took a bite. Great, I love carrot muffins. I opened my milk to take a pull.

I'm not sure at what point I realized it, but my mouth opened and my slightly moistened muffin tumbled to the napkin I had unfolded and spread out like a make-shift picnic blanket, and on it sat a brown gooey mess that smelled of baby vomit and dog farts and looked like cottage cheese on wheat bread.

I had gulped down half of a mouthfull of sour expired milk and muffin. My day is not going to go well.

Truth Hurts

A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama this morning when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the
boy.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and so the judge awarded custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him
more than his parents and refused to live there.

When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out that they beat him more than anyone. The judge dramatically allowed
the boy to choose who should have custody of him.

As a result, custody was granted to the Saskatchewan Roughriders this morning as it is believed that they are not capable of beating anyone.

It's me Birthday!!!

I'm 29.

Last night we played baseball and lost, I spent the entire day moving the last of our stuff into the house, and I aggravated both my knee injuries. I'm an old man.

BUT, today I go pick up my new truck (see post below)and spend the rest of my night showing my buddies. I got birthday wishess from all over the dam place and I had tequila for the first time in ages. I wrestled with Wheels in the truck to and from the bar and I will eat my "special" birthday cake tonight. Good times people... Good times. Now I must go to restaurant to get something greasy to coat my stomach... I really drank too much last night.

Tribute to Boobs

Ten years ago today my best friend was killed in a plane crash that was caused by poor weather conditions. I still think of him each day, and look back with fondness on our exploits. Creative writing was a favorite passtime of his and this blog is a tribute to that. I will include some of his writing and some of our earlier comedic stuff that I still have in my posession.

Try this at home

I just laid down another 400 square feet of laminate flooring. Damn I'm good. Our new place had pink carpet and walls throughout, smelled of cigarettes and baby poop and was dirty. a few weeks later we have hardwood throughout, new (nice) wall colors and a beige carpet in the upstairs bedrooms and hallways. This place is very nice.

I have heard that renovating a home can put a lot of strain on a relationship, but with my wife we really come together and seem happier when we're busy with these sorts of projects. SHe has the style and I have power tools. I've learned to trust her insticts on most things because she can visualize the end product, I fumble along and come up with the odd good idea, like laying the pattern of the wood grain opposite in the porch to seperate it from the rest of the main floor. Genius I know.

The place looks fabulous and didn't cost us a thing, the new landlord doesn't mind letting us renovate and we are happy not to live in pink carpet filth and scummy walls. Now if we could get the dogs to leave it be, we'd be laughing.

We got skunked

The team forgot to come to the game last night. It was brutal, down by ten we rallied back to take the lead... briefly, before the oposing team put on a clinic, actually we put on the clinic. "How to not catch a ball". Brutal.

After the game I came home to a pile of torn stuff and dog urine and feces spread from one end of the basement to the other. It seems project "dogs roam free" is not working out. 2 am (after cleaning up) I went to the old place and got the crates. They will never be free again.

As for the rest of my day, I found out that I might get an extension at the job I'm in now through the winter months, which is great because I usually get the big layoff then. I guess we'll see what happens.

New project: Assemble the brothers Gapper for a northern fishing trip in the sping sometime. Actually Pokey will be heading up this project, since he's the only one that has ever done this sort of thing. Hope you read my e-mail before this... Muhahaha

Jus for grins here's a pic of one of my Uncles that I intend to make t-shirts of and pass around next family gathering (great idea JR). Sweet.

Bring the news

Ok, so the damage to the wheels was a little more profound than first thought. Upon some investigation I noticed a ticking noise while engine is running. Mechanic suggests get rid of it before oil pan falls off. Never one to go against Doctor's orders, we sold the poor thing to a dealership for plenty more than it's worth (now). We have gotten the replacement and this time it's dady's kind of truck...









So it's the X-Terra S series, a small SUV with no frills. The base model with a few throw ins from the dealer.

We are moved in and have the place we love. It's cheap and the landlord let us renovate (a la carte blanche), new flooring throughout, new paint and a few other things, he gave us PO numbers and said giver. It is great. No worries, small bills, and plenty of room. My new nighbor (spanish lady) we'll call her Dora, is fantastic, and funny, we have a small backyard and a patio. My hpone number is the same so if you need to make call to me you have the numero. Almost settled in, have to have a garage sale and that will be it. Very happy with our decision thus far.

I have an interview today within the Coast Guard for a job I had but lost. I am in the top 5 for three jobs, not sure if I'll take it, but like a wise Pokey once said, make choices only once you have options. Right now I'm bulding up plenty of options.

That's the news, now the weather.
Hot damn hot, real hot, cook an egg on the sidewaly hot...

And in sports:
The Preferred Towing Pythons are in control tonight as they take on the ____ ____ (poor suckers) at home. the Pythons are on a three game winning streak and have secured a spot in the finals. Fielder JIM has two consecutive Homerun games with a grand slam last week. Returning to the lineup Eeyore will grace short-stop after a two game sojourn while "finding himself" also returning to the lineup Wheels will take his usual spot in Right center.

And now a word from our sponsor....

Stealing the show

After the past few posts my buddy sent an e-mail describing the bad luck he's been having. You decide if he has us beat!

Well Goat, I could't help but notice all you (Gapper Family) trying to hog the glory when it comes to recent mishaps. Well, Let Big Geo show you how it's done properly! Let me tell you the tale of the 98 Blazer from hell!

January 18, 2004 - Purchase of a 1998 Chev Blazer. Black Leather seats, low KM, 4x4. passes my mechanics inspection.

January 19, 2004 - return to dealership when thermostat dies. They're not gonna screw me!! April 2004 - replace door pins and bushings on 2 front doors. $200. Mechanic says pretty common.

June 2004 - replace Signal switch $550. Hmmm. one of those things i guess.

August 2004 - Air conditioner runs out of freon. I have a leak. Oh well Summer is over. It'll wait.

October 2004 - get rear ended in parking lot. Ha ha! only $100 deductible!

January 2005 - repair transfer case so 4x4 still works. $650. this is beginning to hurt.

March 2005 - replace Water Pump and tear apart front differential. $850. Ok here's the first letter."L" April 2005

- Alternator blows. $350. Next up in an "E" June 2005

- Manifold intake gasket is shot. $350. Can i get an "M"!!!!!!!

July 2005 - "Lifters" begin making noise, at least that's what the mechanic says. No worries till it gets louder. Try some Hi mileage oil and an engine flush for now, but eventually about $600. OK that deserves an anticipatory "O"

August 2005 - and for the big finish!!!! that's right! A BLOWN ENGINE!!!!!!

That's it. I am beaten. I am at your mercy of lords of the S.O.B.(SUV). Please put me out of my misery! $2600!!!! Now THAT deserves an "N".

So to Recap. That's "L" "E" "M" "O" "N"!!!

So you see my fellow South Sask Natives, it could always be worse. If your ever in Regina, stop in and say hi! I'm the only with the $5300 repair bill up my a$$. Anyone want to buy a blazer?????

P.S. i fired the mechanic ,

Your humble goverment slug whiskey pete

Poor WHiskey pete, but since he's a public servant, we won't feel too sorry for him, I know he makes too much money anyway!! By the way Geo, how much $ did you pour into the old Torino that you drove for 5 years??

Black cloud looms over Gapper family

From Pokey this morning:

Subject : Don't laff

Last night, in the midst of our move, someone broke into my car trying to steal
it, completely disabling it it in the process. So while I've moved, my wife, my
car and my kayaks have not. It's hard to let go.

Look out kids, there's a storm a brewin'.

It happens to the best of us, no worries honey

My truck is out of service due to a small (large) crack in the aluminum oil pan.

The drive thru at Burger King has a drop off from the passenger side, that is virtually invisible to anyone pulled into it. After Wife made her order she was prompted to pull into a parking spot and the workers would bring the order to her. She made a right turn and WHAMO, belly flopped our SUV onto the unmarked cement curb.

The call:
"JIM, I broke the truck at Burger King Drive Thru.
Are you ok?
Yes.
I'll be right there."

I pulled up to the scene to see a puddle of what must have been 5 litres of oil gathered under the front of my once pristine truck. This is not good.

Vicki gets out and says, "I'm sorry", I stayed silent, investigating the fluid type, clearly it was oil. I looked under the car to see a 4 inch long crack in the oil panwhere the last few drops of 5W30 were creeping into the embrace of 5 litres of departed brethren.

This is going to cost me.

Fortunately, if you can call it that, there was a car load of people behind Wife when it happened and they noticed the oil dumping from the truck and advised Wife to turn the truck off. It so happened that these were the owners of a large truck company and had a garage in town and could fix it for cash, and get the part at cost price for us. You see, this same thing had happened to them years ago and they felt really bad for us. So with my towtruck connections I had it taen to their compound and am in the process of deciding whether to replace or repair the oil pan. the difference between them is 280.00, but there are things to consider like engine warranty and so on.

Otherwise things are great!

June wedding

Sly dog James indeed!

My buddy did it again, and if my math calculations are correct, the bride had a bun in the oven at the wedding! Cool.

Congrats kids! good thing you are moving into a great big house, keep a spare room for me!

Put a label on them mugs

Okay, allow me to introduce you to my posse. The Mickey mouse on skates, is Junior, he also appears in a stylish red jacket saluting with the wrong hand. In the car window is my older brother "Boner", and the big fellow in the costume is "Pokey", I am the adorable (then) red-head, who oozes cuteness and confidence. I am since married and ask permission to choose a hair style. Jokes honey...

One more

Guess, c'mon guess! The first one is easy... Muhahahaha

The good old days

Remember the times? Is it a wonder to anyone else why we survied and lead such normal lives?

Ok, so I'm not all that old, but I have witnessed the arrival of a lot of "new ways" in my (almost) 29 years.

Remember when your mother used one cutting board to cut up a chicken, chop eggs and veggies? Now you need to wash each item seperately in boiling water to make sure that your poor immune system isn't left to fend for you.

Remember a pound of hamburger defrosting on the counter top, or when cooking it medium was even an option?

Sandwiches wrapped in wax paper and put in a brown paper bag, instead of a thermal cooler with ice packs?

Swimming in the creek, with god knows what bacteria and the like?

Gym class was the only thing to look forward to in school? PE keeps a level playing field for the non-athletic kids, so they can read about physical activity. Wonder if they would have considered cutting math for the non-algebraeicly gifted children.

Prayers and National anthems were the norm. Now it's discrimination.

Equality was contemplated when Junior got more pudding than the neighbor girl, not more money.

I used to have to do something before I was able to be proud of it.

Can't remember being bored with no Computer or Nintendo. There musta been something to do...

King of the hill on a gravel pile was a game, not a death wish. When I came home with a scratch it was a iodine bath and a bandaid, not a trip to the hospital and a horse pill.

No acting up at Gramma's, she'd spank my ass... and when I got home, I'd get my ass spanked. Grandma and Mom and Dad would all be in prison today.

How did I make it? Why was I so lucky as to make it to adulthood, without suffering any of the negative effects from the same exploits in today's world?

I blame it on evolution and the ability to move forward in every aspect of life... Shit I just cut myself on a piece of paper... at work... y'know what that means... Long weekend with pay!

Poor showing by the Gapper faithful

Sad people, really sad.

Kurt Cobain

Ozzy Osbourne

Billy Joe (Greenday)