Ramblings of a not so mad man

Top o the afternoon to ya.

Blogger is experiencing difficulties... again.

Well, news today? An 80 year old lady was just carted out of a Irish style pub downtown by an ambulance.... we watched from our perch here on the 6th floor... I figure she was Pished.

Did laundry last night... got to the laundromat, it was empty.... empty laundromat is like xanadu to Gapper... 2 minutes later, strange, extremely twitchy man stomps in buys 3 bags of chips and 2 hot chocolates from vending machine... has no laundry other than current garb... hoping this does not require wash.... walks close by... it does, but not today I guess... Twitchy eats, reads magazines, nervously paces the floors eyeing anyone who walks near him (fortress of solitude is now populated by many).... I do all my laundry (all I could carry), and leave... Twitchy is still in there grunting and pacing... still no sign of his laundry.

2 hours until quitting time... have a splitting headache... just been informed that S.O.L. has same stomach flu that I just got over... God be with her.... might I suggest bite plate and handlebars near toilet.... also for her... a pony tail elastic or two.... don't forget a bucket near toilet.... yup... good times.

Sting game tonight? Not if Eeyore is holding S.O.L.'s hand through her "ordeal".... maybe Polo is up fer a brew... Haas.... that's Irish enough!... Klassen.... holy shit I'm on roll.... Perreaux.... welll.... the Rutherford in me longs to surface.... pished.

Japanese buddy Meeeeo wife arrives from Japan today... likely some jet lag.... no Meeeeo at the bar tonight.... too bad too, dude can boogie.... see him and wife tommorow...

Just spotted Senior Operations Officer dodging way into pub... know he'll be there for while... or at least til lunch over... or bar runs out of non-green beer.

Pokey hitch-hiking back to Canada from Afghanistan... interesting notion... thumbing across the ocean... will quit while I'm ahead.

Tis the season

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

Liquor and wh**es...

This should only be viewed by people with Trailer Park Boys sense of humor. Use your volume at your discretion.

The tablature is available on the internet... Nuff said! I got vocals.

You've got to fight... for your right.... To PAR-TEH!

Employees at office parties are considered to be at work until the boss leaves, a German court ruled in the case of an employee seeking damages for a head injury sustained at a company Christmas celebration.

The case came before the social affairs court in Frankfurt after an insurance company refused to pay disability to a man who suffered severe skull damage after slipping on the steps of a restaurant at his office Christmas party.

The court ruled the company's accident insurance would have to pay disability to the man because he was technically still at work, the court said in a statement on Thursday.

"Up until the end of a work-related gathering accident insurance coverage continues until it is officially over. If this time is not fixed, participants can assume it continues as long as the senior employee is present," the court said.

Now what if I'm driving the (hic) boss home and a deer crosses the road (hic) and I shmack em? (hic) what's gonna happen (hic) at court there, huh? Lookin inta the eyes of his mom (hic) "Sorry mama deer, your baby's dead because my boss is a bum an made me drive hims ass (hic) ome." Is the boss buyin my lawyer 'cause i'll git Cochrane... I'm not talkin bout Tom either... (hic), nope, I gonna get that fella what freed Apple juice...... y'know that dude, (hic) that races the cops in his van? You know? You must aquit... (hic) Yeah that guy. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Pokey's Perspective

You've seen the other "on the spot" interviews from Afghanistan, but The Happy Gapper asked these hard hitting questions for the rest of us who want to know alittle bit of the lesser knows issues when being a journalist abroad. Therefore The Happy Gapper is pleased to present this interview with Pokey the globetrotting Journalist/Superhero:

I call this segment Pokey's perspective, placing himself in precarious predicaments prompted by publishing (for the public) portraits and passages of the pursuits of people plotting to plunder our purity. And by purity I mean freedom.

So Pokey, I have a few Questions I would like you to answer... here's a towel...

Q: At what point did you realize (metaphorically) you were now in Afghanistan?
Well, it starts at the crack of dawn with the call to prayer and ends wiht the stench of the shit pond wafting into my tent every evening at about 8 p.m. But it really hit me when I was standing around like a schmo and a roadside bomb went off a few hundred feet away from me. I almost forgot to take the picture.

Q: What part of (or thing inside of) Afghanistan would you like to take with you back to Canada?
People here are ingenious. They make crap out of nothing. The other day, I was thinking if the world's electrical and oil and gas systems collapsed entirely we would be screwed but people here would just keep on going. Of course, that's not saying much given this is one of the poorest countries in the world. They're also very hospitable.

Q: Do you ever think (with racism and minority strife what it is in North America) maybe the locals are afraid of you?
No, but when I travel with baby-faced soldiers the locals sometimes think I'm the guy in charge because of my bushy beard.

Q: Did you ever consider hiding somewhere no one would find you?
Every night as I curled up in my sleeping bag on the sandy plateaus up north I imagined that's exactly what I was doing. And I slept like a baby!

Q: Are there half as many Sand castles there as I imagine there is?
Twice as many. Mostly they're made of mud tho, not sand.

Q: Is there an overpowering smell of Coppertone at the base?
No. Techincally, soldiers aren't supposed to be outside without a shirt on. But some people sneak the odd tanning session. Some of the people who work on the base for their entire tour have even built decks on their tents.

Q: What is the weirdest thing you have seen while covering any story outside of North America?
Pope-on-a-rope. Dog carrying human bone he determinedly dug out of a grave. Man-stripper-hermaphrodites entertaining local villagers, who incidentally believe female sexuality is EEEEvil. You pick.

Q: What is the absolute worst (recurring) task involved in travel abroad?
Always sit behind the guy who is 5-foot-2 but always -- ALWAYS -- feels the urgent need to put his seat all the way back for the entire flight. And packing. I dither when I pack and I always bring too much shit.

I would also like for pokey to recount for us, the most embarasing use of a foreign language he has ever experienced, maybe saying something very rude or embarassing, while thinking he is speaking clearly. C'mon poke, gotta give the people what they want!

Me in a nutshell

My horoscope says:

You're not mean-spirited -- not one tiny little bit. You can, however, be goaded -- at times -- into behavior that's beneath you. That only happens if someone shows anything less than total respect for a worthy cause or someone you love. If you've already warned them about this, or if you know they've heard about your recent dealings with someone impolite, you won't hesitate to come out with both guns blazing. And well you should.

Yup, sounds about right....

A pox!

Chambers Dictionary is looking to “delete” a few words.

Those Jobernowls plan to limit my attempts to become iogodaedalus by stating that a few seldom used words are incompossible with the more popular and frequently used words like éclair. Well my friends I promise this: supernaculum shall not exceed my attempts to preserve these treasures.

Wanna bet?

Anyone care to wager on the whereabouts of our dear Pokey?

"The operation began several days ago, but was kept under wraps for security reasons until yesterday when embedded reporters with The Canadian Press and the CBC were able to report the activities of the two companies from the Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry."

Brave S.O.B.

Trade day

So the trade deadline fo rthe NHL came and went with some very small and unsurprising deals. Surprise Surprise; Toronto did nothing but ship off Klee. I would have sent McCabe, Belfour and Sundin down the pike.

Jose was the biggest news in my eyes, off to Colorado where hopefully he'll find his groove.... and his hair products.

Edmonton signed up Roloson, not a good showing last night, but hey, the guy doesn't have his custom paint yet.

Pittsburgh for some reason unloaded Recchi, one of the few standout players for the organization.

I was secretly hoping that Edmonton would make a run for some higher profile power forwards, but they did ok considering.

Blog?

Is this thing on? Testing testing ane two....

Two days of e-mails and bitching, I get teh following e-mail from support:


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Good thing this is free, or I'd have been super-pissed!