Home again

First night home, I went to see t0bo Geo and Sly. The night had everything... Fights between brothers, strangers friends... Whiskey glasses thrown at bartenders, inordinate amounts of vomit in the washroom It was then that I realized... I should have worn my old sweater to the bar.

It was fun and all, but I prefer the Puck Around in Sarnia with Eeyore, Wheels and Polo... But no more of that cheap beer.

Today I'm off to do teh traditional house to house Christmas visits. Uncles and Aunts getting 1:00 AM wake up calls to open their homes and their bottle to a pile of slobbering dumassed Nephews and Nieces. As always the poor sucker that just turned 16 will be obligated to taxi us in order to earn his stripes for next year (or the year after depending on the presence of another 16 year old to relieve you DAN!).

Anyways Have a great day I'll try to get to some high speed and post more, but Ma n Pa'sw dial up make this a real chore!

My family rules

This is my cousin Tomsy beatin the 'slaw outa some poor bugger.

This is my cousin Tomsy (Left) puttin said 'slaw back to good use. (sorry dude, couldn't make you look too tough! especially when we all know better)

St. Anthony's finest

From the front page of the local newpaper.













Two RCMP officers suffered minor injuries when they lost control of their police vehicle on Wednesday and struck a wall on the west side of Curtis Memorial Hospital at St. Anthony (Newfoundland). Both officers were treated for their injuries and later released from hospital. The officers were conducting an investigation at the time of the collision. The police vehicle sustained extensive damage, but there was minimal damage to the hospital. Hospital operations were not affected. Police say road conditions were a contributing factor in the mishap.

Update: A reliable source has come forward (to my wife) and given the story of what transpired in this accident.

It would seem there was an incident at the local school where a youngster was deploying stink bombs. The RCMP were called and pursued the young man through the streets of St. Anthony and ended up losing control of their RCMP SUV and ended up in the position as captured above.

"Lord tunderin' Jaysus. We got no leads so an exhaustive search for de perptraders will continue now de once.... Just as soon as de bye's gets dere machine on 'er feet! Anyone what know de wherebouts of dem youngsters what done dis are asked to contact the RNC, 'cause dem fellers on horseback dunno dey ass from dere shoulders."

Voice of wife: "Why does everyone mock us?"

Home... again

So I am moved into my little place. It boasts a 65 degree temperature, vaulted ceilings (if you see vaulted as in a "V" shape, and a unique flooring design that allows all round objects to gather in the center of the floor for easy cleanup. Let's not poo-poo the window into my shower!

Actually it's not a bad little spot, it's a little drafty but I put some plastic on the windows and that helped a lot. The bathroom window is near the back of the tub and is usually steamed up long before I bare my bear ass. The floors are a little sunken, but only in the kitchen (which is huge), and it's hardwood, so I'm ok with it.

The yard is huge and the dogs are romping like mad. I actually trained Satan to stay in the partially fenced yard off the leash without bolting for the road. All in all: a very nice place to live.

In the next few days there are a few parties to attend, a few whiskeys to drink and a long drive to Saskatchewan. Get them lasagna's and nuts 'n bolts ready Ma!

Scarfed... And I aint talkin neckwear

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little Jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches ‘cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
I’m Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

I used to believe

I can't remember the moment when I realized that St. Nick was not real. Yes Wheels, he doesn't exist. I do remember however wondering why the guy who travelled the world in one night, made guest appearances at local schools and pageants the weeks before Christmas. Wouldn't it have been easier to just drop the loot then? And we used to get brown paper bags filled with peanuts, and orange, some candy canes and chocolate for going up and sitting on his lap. I knew he was holding out on me.

Another thing that played on my mind was: Why is this fat bastard asking me for what I want when I sent my letter weks ago. Musta been the post office's fault. But the undeniable facts were; that he had the same hand writing as my Mom. I know that dude never made it down our chimney. The poor sonofabitch wouldn't have made it past the damper in the stove pipe. And how would he have made it past Boots without him noticing. This dog could smell an ambush. No racoon ever lived to talk about the time they got away from Boots the dog.

Truth is, I never really believed in Santa. I was far too rational of a person to buy into that stuff. So, as usual I'll wade through droves of people in the malls and pick out gifts for loved ones, and pretend that the old man does exist to those who are still mislead, and long for St. Patrick's day, when Patty the leprechaun will make his usual appearance in my bedroom, perched on my dresser where he rigales me with tales of his home under the earth's crust and instructs me to burn stuff.

Picture worth 1000

This was forwarded to me by S.O.L.; Mommy of the "Lovely lady Lumps" Choir Master and soloist (Ellie Mae).

Nogt funny

Egg Nog + Rum = YUK

Had a xmas ham last night (which was awesome) followed by some cookies (which were awesome) then followed by a little Rummy-Nog... (not awesome). I did however manage to eat too much and feel slightly uncofortable in my sweat pants for the next few hours. I love the holidays.

I have also eaten the traditional meat pies and an array of nuts and snacks that are left on the coffee table all day long.

Moving time is coming soon, so if you plan to be near or around Sarnia in the near future, drop me a line and I'll put you to work!! Actually the move is going to be quite simple, since there will be a lot less stuff.

Hopefully I'll be stable and settled enough to drive by the 21st and make my way to the great plains of Saskatchewan for more meat pie and ham. But NO MORE NOG!!

There's a storm a brewin

Well, by the looks of me Radar, there's gonna be some shovelin to do this evening, which is fine by me. It covers up the dog poop.