Christmas decor

Yup... hic... putting up decorations is a real bitch....hic @#$% 10 bucks... get outa here.

Happy Turkey day neigborinoes

Greatest Thanksgiving moment in television. Send in yours!

Johnny Fever: (intro from music) All right, fellow babies, and now it's time to go to our live man-on-the-scene at the Pinedale Shopping Mall for the big WKRP Turkey Giveaway. So take it away, Les Nessman!

(cut to outside shot at Pinedale Shopping Mall)

Les: This is Les Nessman, your man-on-the-scene at the Pinedale Shopping Mall, where the excitement is mounting. We're here to witness the big WKRP Turkey Giveaway...

Shopowner: Hey...hey you got permission to be out here?

Les: What?

Shopowner: You're blocking my store here, buddy.

Les: Don't you know who I am?

Shopowner: Eh?

Les: I'm Les Nessman. I won the Buckeye Newshawk Award last year.

Shopowner: Good for you, Buckeye. Now get outta my doorway.

Les: I'm sorry. (moves away)

Shopowner: (going back inside) Freak.

(cut back to station, in the booth)
Andy: So far so good, huh?

Les: (broadcasting) I'm here with hundreds of people who have gathered to witness what has been described as perhaps the greatest turkey event in Thanksgiving Day history. All we know for sure is that in a very few moments, there are going to be a lot of happy people out here.(cuts back to live Les outside)

Les: Now the crowd is...the crowd is...(reacting to people staring at him and brushing by) the crowd is curious, but well-behaved. Oh! I think I hear something now. Uh, the crowd is moving out into the parking area, and...oh yes, I can see it now. It's a...it's a helicopter, and it's coming this way.

(cut back to Andy in the booth)
Andy: A helicopter?

(cut back to Les, on scene)
It's flying something behind it...I can't quite make it out. It's a large banner and it says, uh - Happy... Thaaaaanksss... giving! ... From... W.... ... K... ... R... ... P!! (as Les spells the station call letters, cut back to booth, with everyone making hand gestures as if pulling the letters out of Les; then, back to Les, on-scene)

Les: What a sight, ladies and gentlemen, what a sight! The copter seems to be circling the parking lot now, perhaps looking for a place to land...no, something just came out of the back of the helicopter! it's a...a dark object, uh...perhaps a skydiver, plummeting to the earth from only 2000 feet in the air...and a second, and a third! ...No parachutes yet. Those can't be skydivers... I can't tell just yet what they are, but--Oh my God, they're turkeys!!! Oh, no, Johnny, can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! Oh, this is terrible. (cut back to Les on-scene) The mob is running around pushing each other...oh my goodness. Oh, the humanity! People are running about...the turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Folks...I don't know how much longer they're...the crowd is running for their lives. I think I'm going to step inside...I can't stay out here and watch this any longer...(stops short of going into the shopkeeper's store)...no, I can't go in there. (cut back to booth) Children are searching for their mothers, and...oh, not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this! I don't know how much longer I can hold my position here, Johnny. The crowd...

Johnny: Les? Les? Les, are you there? (pause) Les isn't there. (composing himself) Thanks for that on-the-spot report, Les. And for those of you who just tuned in, the Pinedale Shopping Mall has just been bombed with live turkeys. Film at eleven.

(Epilogue)

Venus: Les! Are you okay?

Les: (with a vacant, haunted look) I don't know. A man and his two children tried to kill me. After the turkeys hit the pavement, the crowd kind of scattered, but some of them tried to attack me! I had to jam myself into a phone booth! Then Mr. Carlson had the helicopter land in the middle of the parking lot. I guess he thought he could save the day by turning the rest of the turkeys loose...it gets pretty strange after that.

Andy: Aw, Les, c'mon now, tell us the rest.

Les: I really don't know how to describe it. It was...like the turkeys mounted a counterattack! It was almost as if they were ...organized!!

(Mr. Carlson enters with Herb, both bedraggled and covered in turkey feathers)

Mr. Carlson: As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.

Winter Funnies

Post Montreal thoughts

Back from Montreal (actaully for 2 days now) and things are OK. I've played hockey twice, last night I played on Eeyore's mens league team and we won 8 - 3. Felt good to get into real game situations with refs and defencemen and all.

Had a great visit in Montreal, but realized that I would never live there. Too big a pond for a fish like me. The Habs played terrible and lost, but the beer was good. Flights were ok, but only cause they were short trips. The hospitality in Montreal was amazing. My sis in law could stir fry cat poop and make it taste like filet mignon, an amazing chef. The people there didn't make fun of my western rough accent and actually told me that I spoke very well! Not surprising seeing as how I am the man!

Definitely doing it again, maybe in the spring when it's not so friggin cold or windy. Walking 8 hours including climbing Mount-Royal would be much more enjoyable with feeling in my ears.

Sam, the world's uglies dog dead.

Yes.... It IS a dog. And yes, he was put out of his misery (and ours) Friday for a bum ticker. I suppose it could have been worse, I would've set a trap for this lil frigger. Then, I would have likely stomped it into the carpet.

On a simmilar note I saw a dog this weekend that was labelled "The Pet Semetary Dog" by Brother Bone. Kind of a walking dead look going on. Her name is Princess, a 110 year old chihuahua, she doesn't look a day over 250.

In the Montreal Calice!

Got in (finally) last night. Pokey's place is sweet, but I have been wondering where oh where has all his stuff gone???

You need to know that Pokey once lived two years in Regina and never unpacked. So I wonder when he became so domesticated... or where he stowed all them boxes??? More later!

Fun with ELMO!!

The scene opens with The Count noticing a series of clay pots on the stoop to that building where everyone lives along Sesamee Street... Elmo is hiding in the park behind The Count. He doesn't notice him lurking.

"Hello Boys and Girrrrls, would you like to count with me?
OK, ready? 1;1 clay pot on the stoop,
2; 2 clay pots on the stoop
3; 3 clay pots on the stoop.

Elmo energes from his spot and says, "now try this..."
He opens fire obliterating all of the pots on the stoop.

Count sobs and sorrowfully admits...."I never learned to subtract..."

The usual loud lightning after his completion is muted, and a slow rolling thunder is heard as it begins to rain on the now broken and sobbing Count. Sesamee Street, it would seem, is not immune to gun violence.

Fun with Yoga!

From an instructional Yoga guide. Click the pic and read carefully.



I watched my God-daughter perform some cute gymnastics tricks the other night and it spurred some desire to take on yoga. Then I realized I've kinda been doing it for years.

Hey there sexy!

With all the negatives in my life, I can always look at this picture and thank god that: 1. I don't look like Condoleeza Rice (unatractive man and ugly woman), and 2. I don't work for G.W.

I am a fortunate person.

Most exciting man in Pro Football

It’s the time of the year for mid-season replacement shows on all the networks. Coming this week to UPN, from the makers of the Chris Rock bio-hit Everybody Hates Chris, It's Everybody Hates Terrell, chronicling the early years in the life of Terrell Owens. We obtained an advance script:

Scene 1: Hospital Delivery Room:

Doctor: "I see the head! Here it comes! Mrs. Owens you have a beautiful baby boy!"

Baby Terrell: "Damn right I’m beautiful! Did you guys see that move? I juked and jived so bad, that birth canal had no chance to slow me down! Now watch me shake off this placenta!"
(Baby Terrell straight-arms the nurse, leaps to the floor, moonwalks across the room, and back flips into his mothers arms)

Nurse: "Did that…really…just…happen?"

Baby Terrell: "Damn right it happened! You can’t cover T.O lady! Nobody stops Baby T.O!"

Doctor: "But…I thought babies only talked in really bad John Travolta movies?"

Baby Terrell: "Ain’t never been a baby like Baby T.O! So who wants Baby T.O’s first autograph?"

Doctor: "Hey…where did you pull that sharpie out of…Oh Dear God!"

Scene 2: Kindergarten Playground

Teacher: "Timmy, why are you crying?

Timmy (sniffling): "We were playing Duck, Duck, Goose and Terrell told me he was going to make me his bitch!"

Teacher: "Terrell, you get over here! I’ve told you a thousand times, don’t trash-talk the other children!"

Young Terrell: "Hold on teach, it’s my turn. Watch this! Duck…Duck…Duck…Duck…Goose! Just try to catch me sucka! No one catches T.O! See! I win again!"

(Young Terrell proceeds to do his latest Duck Duck Goose victory celebration dance, pulling a pretend rifle from his back and shooting a pretend goose from the sky.)

Teacher: "That’s enough Terrell! No more recess for you this week!"

Young Terrell: "That’s it! I want out! I want to be transferred to a new school! And I want them to cover my milk money!"

Teacher: "Terrell, you are five years old! You aren’t going anywhere except the principal’s office…NOW!

Scene 3: Principal’s Office

Principal: "Umm…Terrell…Who is the kid sitting next to you?"

Young Terrell: "That’s Drew from Grade 3. He can write! He’s my new agent!"

Drew: "Mr. Principal, I have complied a list of demands including new crayons weekly, unlimited Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups at snack time, and exclusive access to the big slide in the playground at lunch and after school."

Principal: "GET OUT!

(Drew runs from the room, screaming something about filing a grievance)

Principal: "Look Terrell. You apologize right now. Or you are suspended."

Young Terrell (sighs): "All right."

(He pulls a crumpled paper from his pocket)

Young Terrell: "I guess T.O is kinda sorry for…"

Principal: "Are you…reading a prepared statement?!?"

Young Terrell: "Hey…I AM! I can read! Another score for T.O! He’s done it again!"

(Young Terrell jumps on the principal’s desk and does his new "I can read" celebration dance: he flips through the pages of an imaginary book, mouthing the words to an imaginary audience, then bows, spikes the pretend book to the floor, and flexes.)

The Principal puts his head on the desk and sobs. Credits roll.

Next week: Young Terrell hold his first news conference after dominating a game of Red Rover. He promises to recreate the scene in a Right Guard commercial some day.

This was taken fromTSN's James Duthie

Long weekend

Neglectful bastard, I know. Forgive my absence.

Another long weekend. Not sure how I'll spend Friday and Saturday, but if Wheels thinks I'm going bowling Sunday at 3 where there is no television he is wrong wrong wrong.

Because:

My team is in Montreal beating up on the frenchmen at the big O for the Eastern semi final. I was hoping the game would be at 7 or 8, but good ol' CFL has screwed me again!

I have 2 more short weeks coming up because I am spoending a 4 day weekend in Montreal for a weekend of hockey, pink bellies and the occasional beverage (if by occasional you mean often and plenty). I am also available to pass along any twaps, smacks or shoulder punches to hockey pool leaders from other participants that may not be able to attend. (Pa, JR?)

Have a good weekend folks! I'll try to keep on top of this thing.

What the Smurf?

Here it is, the haloween costumes that won us nothing and stripped us of what little pride we had left!

Kill em all and let god sort em out

At the CNN web-site there is a poll on how Paris should react to the riots. Guess which one the yankees suggest?

How should French officials handle the continuing violence in Paris suburbs?

Impose curfew
Deploy troops
Withdraw police

U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!